If A Man Does These 11 Things Early On, He’s Probably Not A Great Option
astrastudio / Shutterstock There are specific things men do early on that are signs that he's probably not a great option for you. Vetting potential dates is a must, especially if you’re trying to find your Mr. Right rather than your Mr. Right now.
Those first couple of dates are when men are on their best behavior, at least, most of the time. So, how can you tell if he’s worth sticking around? It’s simple. You have to watch for the cracks in the facade. Ladies, take it from a veteran in the dating scene. If you see these things happen early on, he’s not the one.
Here are 11 early signs that a man is probably not a great option for you when it comes to a relationship:
1. Saying, 'I’m not looking for anything serious'
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When a man tells you that he’s not interested in anything serious, please believe him. While some men might want you to convince them by letting them waste your time, the truth is that men mean it when they say this phrase. They’re already telling you, right off the bat, that the relationship has no future.
At best, it’s a sign he has a fear of commitment. At worst, he’s straight up telling you that you are not his type and he’s hoping you’ll understand. If he says this, it’s a quick indicator that it’s time to move on.
2. Late-night calls
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We all know that one guy who will call you up at 10 PM because he just found out about a cool party that night, right? Well, he might be a good friend if you want to cut loose, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good partner.
Men who do this are not serious about their intentions with you. The man who is right for you will make a point of planning out a date, calling you in advance, and won’t wreck your sleep schedule with a 2 AM dial.
3. Disrespectful, rude remarks, followed up by 'just kidding!'
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Disrespect comes in many forms. It can be the man who keeps disparaging your nationality, the guy who makes fun of your clothes, or the man who just refuses to treat your car well. No matter how it shows up, the truth is that it only gets worse. Abusers often test victims to see if they’ll tolerate bad behavior by walking back these barbs by saying they’re joking.
More often than not, disrespectful boyfriends turn into abusive partners. If he starts acting like a jerk early on, don’t let him trivialize your feelings. In fact, don’t let him talk to you again. Just block him and let him find someone who isn’t you.
4. Randomly ghosting you for days or weeks
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As a person who absolutely goes nutters when someone ghosts them, I believe that men who ghost are men of poor character. It costs nothing to say you’re not interested. It costs nothing to say you’re not interested, too busy, or concerned about something.
Ghosting as a habit often stems from trauma-based conflict avoidance. In other words, if you want a man who will bail or refuse to discuss difficult subjects with you, this is your man. You deserve a straight shooter.
5. Comparing you to his ex
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Ooh, this is not a good sign at all. A well-adjusted man will not compare you to anyone. If he’s out with you, he should not have his brain on another person. He should be focused on YOU. If he constantly mentions that he’s seeing others, comparing you to his ex, or venting about other women, something isn’t right.
Some guys will do this as a way to make you feel like you need to compete for their affection. Other guys will do this because they genuinely haven’t healed after their last relationship. Still more do it because they may be testing to see if they can abuse you. Regardless of the reason, it’s a sign to bail.
6. Not taking no for an answer
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Boundaries are there to keep relationships healthy. It doesn’t matter what the boundary is. If you don’t want a guy to push you to do something, he should learn not to try to push it. For example, I had a guy who refused to listen to me when I told him I didn’t want to eat dairy because it made me sick.
He kept pushing me to try dairy until he suddenly stopped. A week later, I caught him sneaking cheese onto a taco instead of the faux cheese I bought. That was the last time I saw him. You shouldn’t have to say “no” more than twice. Ideally? You’d only have to say it once!
7. Sucking the fun out of the room
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I was in a relationship that should have ended a long time before it did. The biggest thing that should have been my tip was the fact that I didn’t have fun with him. Being around him was a chore because he was a wet blanket. No matter what I did to make him smile, it was almost never enough.
He’d find new things to whine about. Even his own friends found me to be more entertaining to be around than they did him. My friends even pulled me aside and asked what was wrong with him.
Let’s be real: no one needs that type of sulky negativity in their lives. Besides, some abusers use this as a way to isolate victims from friends. That’s all the more reason to back away from him.
8. Skipping small, kind gestures toward you
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When a man is trying to court a woman, he’ll make it known. He’ll plan dates, he’ll make sure she sees the best side of him, and he’ll also shower her with gifts. Once he feels assured that he’s gotten her, that’s when you’ll usually see him start to slack off.
While crazy, movie-like gestures don’t always have to be a part of your relationship, you still should expect smaller things from him. Even if it’s just an “I love you!” text, those small things matter. You should be worried when he skips tiny little things that are meant to make you feel better.
9. Making everything about him
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Imagine the following scenario: you told him that you just got a raise. He’s elated, then quickly turns the conversation to how he wants you to spend the money. Maybe he even tries to push you to handle more of the restaurant bills on date night because it would really help him out.
Sound familiar? Be careful with this one. Men who make everything about themselves, only think about their own needs, and make themselves the only focus are men who will never treat you well. Or worse, they will only treat you well for as long as you have something they want.
10. Flirting with others
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In modern dating, it’s actually fairly normal to date multiple people so that you can figure out who is best for you. It helps you cut through time-wasters, compare dates, and stay grounded in your expectations. However, that doesn’t mean it’s okay to actually talk about it ro worse, flirt with others in front of you.
If he’s still flirting with women while actually talking to you, that’s a sign that you should never see him again. That’s not normal. That’s beyond disrespectful, and it’s a sign that he will most likely cheat on you if you get serious. Have some self-respect and dump him!
11. Getting aggressive with others
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Did you ever see a guy who always had to be a tough guy? He’s always the one trying to one-up a guy at a party. He’s the guy who will argue with a waiter or berate a barista to show how tough he is. While this might be cool with fraternity boys, it’s never fun to be the woman dating that guy.
A man who shows how cool he is by being aggressive is a man who will eventually turn on you. Unless you want to risk having that aggression turned on you, you’ll make yourself scarce. This type of guy isn’t the right guy for anyone!
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
