If A Man Does These 6 Things, He’s Still Healing From Someone Else
Moving on isn't always easy.
Dwayne Legrand | Unsplash It’s hard to understand the dark corners of the human heart — and that’s why I usually say we all need ‘heart surgery’ on matters of love and relationships. But before anything happens, there are always warning signs. Nothing appears out of nowhere in this world — everything has a sign. A man can have a broken heart, but his new partner deserves to know about it.
A man who carries a broken heart will eventually break yours. The earlier you notice the signs, the better it is for your heart. I’m not certain who first said that love resides in the heart, and I wouldn’t want to argue with them either. What I do know is that love truly lives within us, which is why we can feel it so deeply inside ourselves.
If a man does these 6 things, he's still healing from someone else:
1. He mentally checks out, even when he's right in front of you
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If he switches off from time to time during a conversation, get warned. A man will switch off when he has some unresolved feelings for his ex-partner. So, why does he switch off?
He does so when he compares your gestures with those of his ex. He lifts you. Puts you on a seesaw and watches the two of you, balance. Every time he engages in this task, he definitely switches off.
And you know, men and multitasking don’t share the same table. If that’s your man, then rest assured that he has a broken heart.
2. He withdraws without explanation
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Withdrawal for men, coupled with some silence is not uncommon. If you are living with a man who appears withdrawn without apparent reason — and would never discuss it — know that your guy is carrying a perforated heart.
There are two things that a man can never think of or do until he recants. One — examination of the past and two — thinking about nothing. He can’t really understand why his past relationship was so unfair.
A close examination of the past gets him to think about nothing. When he has thought about everything and he can’t find a reason for the breakup, he embarks on nothing.
The two are reason enough to give a man a license to withdraw. If your man retreats from you he has not moved on from his past.
A study by the Society for Research in Child Development explained that withdrawal can be a coping mechanism for emotional pain, trauma, or fear of vulnerability. It's essential to understand the context of the withdrawal and to consider that it could be due to various factors, including past experiences, current stress, or a desire to protect oneself emotionally.
3. He expects the worst from the relationship
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After a breakup, a guy takes typically longer than a lady to recuperate. A lady talks it out with nearly everybody who cares to listen — and it eventually disappears — that’s not the case with men.
A man won’t. He would instead hop into another relationship — the reason he got into a relationship with you — which is not a good option anyway. A man would rather hold a crisis meeting with himself than disclose his issues to other people – you included.
He has simply lost faith in relationships and has no reason to trust the current one. He feels that all his efforts went to dogs — and that the future will not be any different — because he’s in a worst-case scenario.
To him, the relationship is like a bad movie that he must watch. Such a man knows nothing positive about relationships — he’s all negative. If you have tried pumping some positive sense into his head in vain, then that’s a sign that he has a broken heart.
4. He avoids real commitment
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If you have been into the fire, it’s not wise to jump into the boiling water. Your man is afraid of committing to you because he has seen the repercussions of such choices.
He is scared of similar results, so it’s upon you to assure him that all will be well. Remember, anybody that is not wary of precaution is doomed to fail. Your man may never commit to you no matter how long you stay together until you mend his broken heart.
Men need trust and assurance — and not just that — something tangible and physical. Otherwise, he will never commit. If he can’t give you concrete reasons why he doesn’t want to commit, know that his wound is still fresh.
One study indicated that men experiencing commitment issues after a breakup may be dealing with emotional wounds, fear of vulnerability, or attachment styles influenced by past relationships. It's important to remember that these are just potential reasons, and each individual's experience is unique.
5. He second-guesses everything — especially you
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When you think of a man who initially trusted you and within a turn — he became uncertain — you are left speechless. A man like this has trust issues, and he doesn’t deny it.
If he often doubts everything about you and feels terrible about it, then he has a broken heart. A man who resolves to live with doubt rather than face the problem is a man who has no future.
He is merely using you like a tool to heal and when he recovers, he will walk away. He doesn’t want to be accused of anything — he wants to play it safe.
The more he keeps away from uncertainty, the more he keeps coming to it. A wounded dog will always limp.
6. He's only halfway in
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Once bitten twice shy. That’s the case with your man. He was into it before, given his best, and he got a kickback. He has nothing to show after his weighty ‘sacrifice.’ He feels troubled to give all to you.
That’s why he gives you half of his heart and keeps the other half to himself. We know when a heart is divided into two, it’s broken. Did you want a different smoking gun?
Now that you have one half, invest to secure the other half — when you do that, you will have mended his heart. In the meantime, your man has a divided heart — divided attention equals a divided relationship.
According to a 2022 study, the feeling of being divided can be interpreted differently, but it may refer to internal conflict, emotional fragmentation, or a struggle with new identities and roles.
With all that information, you can make a proper decision. It would be wrong to find yourself dancing to a demon-worshipping sacrifice. Before you celebrate your new relationship, ascertain whether your partner has a broken heart and find out ways to mend it.
To restore it, declare yourself a ‘medical doctor’, lay your partner down, and perform ‘heart surgery.’ Mend his heart well, and when you do, you build trust and hope for a stable future relationship.
Austine Sila is an English and literature teacher, relationship coach, and motivational speaker.
