11 Obvious Signs Almost Everything About Your Marriage Is Boring You, But You Stay Because You Feel Obligated

Boredom can often be consequential for long-term relationships and marriages, especially if it goes overlooked and ignored for too long, according to a study from the University of Michigan. Especially if it lingers and transforms into emotional disengagement and a lack of effort, something experts coin the "point of no return" in relationships, it can even lead to separations and betrayals that not even conflicts provoke.

While most of the symptoms of marital boredom are subtle and easily overlooked at first, there are certain obvious signs almost everything about your marriage is boring you, but you stay because you feel obligated. The more self-aware and intentional you are about acknowledging these signs, the more informed your decisions will be about the next step, whether that's actively saving or leaving the marriage.

Here are 11 obvious signs almost everything about your marriage is boring you, but you stay because you feel obligated

1. You feel more like roommates than partners

bored couple watching television feeling like roommates instead of partners Lomb | Shutterstock

From having overly logistical conversations without any quality time for connection to living entirely different routines every single day, partners who feel more like roommates than marital couples may experience higher rates of boredom and disconnection.

Of course, as psychologist Silvana Mici explains, for some couples, this transitional period of feeling like roommates is actually natural. However, if it lingers for too long and starts to sabotage intimacy and connection, it can quickly become a red flag in your relationship.

2. You scroll on your phone as a distraction

bored couple scrolling on their phones as a distraction MAYA LAB | Shutterstock

Scrolling on a phone to distract yourself from interactions with a partner is one of the obvious signs that everything about your marriage is boring you. Instead of having conversations, going on dates, or even spending quality time in the same room, you'd prefer to stick around out of obligation and use your phone as a buffer against discomfort.

While it might seem like a harmless way to seek comfort and entertainment when you're feeling bored in your marriage, a study from Scientific Reports found that the mere presence of a phone can be consequential for bonding in relationships. It's not always convenient or comfortable to overcome hurdles to engage in more thoughtful interactions with a partner, but if you ignore the need for vulnerability and intimacy forever, your relationship will never change.

3. You dread quality time

bored couple dreading quality time together on the couch PeopleImages | Shutterstock

Whether it's getting anxious in uncomfortable ways about date nights with a partner or even actively avoiding quality time together after work, dreading conversations and interactions with a partner may be obvious signs that everything about your marriage is boring you, but you stay because you feel obligated. You're likely feeling obligated to show up and participate in the marriage, but the added layer of intimacy, choice, and love is lacking.

While romantic love isn't everything in a relationship, it's certainly important. Before it, though, is respect, and if you're overlooking quality time and dreading a hard conversation with a partner, you're not offering them or yourself the dignity you deserve.

4. Physical affection and intimacy feel forced

woman trying to kiss husband who is rejecting her Dean Drobot | Shutterstock

Marriages that feel like a convenience often lack intimacy, quality connection, and companionship, because they're simply there out of ease and comfort. So, it's no surprise that partners in these relationships feel bored all the time, because the marriage feels like an obligation to tolerate rather than a shifting dynamic that's willing to change and grow.

Even if they're not the main pillar of every relationship, physical affection and intimacy are necessary for a partner's well-being and general happiness. If they feel forced, chances are there's a greater sense of resentment or disconnection that needs to be addressed.

5. You feel guilty for expressing concerns

woman feeling guilty for expressing her concerns in marriage DimaBerlin | Shutterstock

According to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, partners who feel underbenefited from relationships and are holding onto a sense of guilt around the connection are more likely to experience poor marital satisfaction. The healthiest, happiest couples address those complex feelings directly, instead of letting them fester.

However, if you're feeling bored in your marriage, maybe these complex emotions feel better than numbness or boredom. If this feels like you, holding back concerns out of guilt and leaning on a draining kind of obligation as a justification for avoidance, it might be time to have the hard conversation. It's not just for the health of your marriage, but for your personal health and well-being in the future.

6. You lean on busyness as a distraction

man acting busy as a distraction telling wife to go away Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock

On top of mindless entertainment or doomscrolling on a phone, partners who feel bored in their marriages may also cling to a misguided sense of "busyness" to avoid their guilt about avoiding quality time. They stay at work for longer or overcommit to projects in the office, all to protect themselves from the discomfort or boredom of home, whether it's a conscious decision or not.

While it might offer a fleeting sense of comfort and security, a study from the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology argues that these kinds of avoidant tendencies only amplify the stress and discomfort you're already feeling. Obligation and commitment tend to go hand in hand, but the "work" that matters in relationships is actually emotional presence and intentionality, not undying loyalty.

7. You've stopped imagining the future together

sad woman thinking about a future without her husband Lucky Business | Shutterstock

While couples, amid the chaos of everyday life, don't always have a ton of time to daydream about the future and make big lofty goals together, fantasizing about togetherness is often inevitable in deeply connected couples. Picturing the details and specifics of their future might not be clear, but for the most part, their relationships and bond are inevitable.

However, people experiencing disconnection and boredom in their marriages may stop imagining the future together. Whether they're daydreaming about a single future or simply overlooking the need to plan together, boredom has influenced the way they imagine their futures.

8. Every conversation feels logistical

bored couple having logistical conversation at home Anatoliy Karlyuk | Shutterstock

While "purposeless" conversations about the qualms of daily life can sometimes bring an element of playfulness and intimacy into the mundane moments of life for couples, at least according to social worker Assael Romanelli, if all you're ever talking about is logistics, that's a red flag.

Couples need to be able to have hard conversations, express their emotions, and resolve conflicts together. If they're not, resentment and disconnection are inevitable. So, if you're not having intimate, deep, and meaningful conversations at least every once in a while, that's likely an obvious sign almost everything about your marriage is boring you, but you stay because you feel obligated.

9. You're fantasizing more about alone time and singlehood

married man fantasizing about alone time MAYA LAB | Shutterstock

According to a study from BMC Psychology, people experiencing boredom in their marriage are not only prone to worsened marital satisfaction, but also a heightened tendency to ruminate and overthink. From thinking constantly about what single life would look like to fantasizing about alone time instead of quality time with a partner, these are some of the obvious signs almost everything about your marriage is boring you, but you stay because you feel obligated.

The good news is that even in this stage of boredom in a marriage, it's always possible to change things. Whether it's finally working up the courage and empowerment to walk away from a marriage or leaning into the discomfort of working out the big issues, boredom doesn't have to be the end.

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10. You worry about being selfish

man worried about being selfish with his family ChameleonsEye | Shutterstock

If you're constantly fantasizing about leaving a marriage or experiencing singlehood as your present self, there's a chance you're also battling feelings of selfishness. Especially for women, who tend to bear the burden of emotional labor in relationships and quiet themselves to appease the men in their lives from a young age, it's not surprising.

However, putting your needs and well-being first isn't selfish. You deserve to be happy, validated, secure, and comfortable in a healthy relationship without taking on guilt or shame about considering your needs.

11. You justify staying because of 'history'

woman in boring marriage justifying staying with her spouse PeopleImages | Shutterstock

According to marriage and family therapist Marisa T. Cohen, it's not uncommon for people, especially women, to justify staying in problematic, boring, or unhealthy relationships out of obligation. Whether it's naming the kids or "history" as an excuse, or coping with a fear of being alone, people constantly try to justify their misery in a present relationship out of fear and worry.

However, if you're already thinking about and making justifications for not leaving a marriage, those are some of the obvious signs it's probably not right for you in its current state. Of course, there's always a chance to change things, mend problems, and resolve deep-seated disagreements, but it takes intentionality and effort from both sides.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.