11 Obvious Signs A Man Isn’t Ready For The Kind Of Love He Says He Wants
StockLite / Shutterstock Some men are not as emotionally prepared for relationships as they think they are. Most people say they are eager to find a partnership, however, not everyone is ready for the kind of love they crave.
Men who are ready for love will be in tune with their emotions. They will be able to look at the person they love and give them everything they can. Some men just simply are not ready to love someone correctly and there are signs that will be obvious when you know what to look for.
These are the 11 signs a man isn’t ready for the kind of love he claims to want
1. His actions don’t match his words
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When someone is truly ready for true love, they will keep their promises. They want to be the best partner they can be. Whether they are supporting someone through a difficult time or following through on planning a date, it’s the little things that go far. Staying true to their word is something they value. However, a man who isn’t ready for love will talk a smooth game but fail to deliver.
Behavior speaks more than words. Anyone can say they will do something, but it takes work to follow through. A man may claim he is ready for a stable, loving relationship, but if he isn’t living up to his promises, he likely isn’t ready for a serious commitment.
2. He is untrustworthy
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We seek trust in a healthy relationship. It is often at the foundation of love. A man who breaks your trust is not ready for the love he claims to want. Instead of putting in the effort to make you feel safe with him, he makes countless mistakes that leave you wondering about his true intentions. A man who isn’t ready for a real relationship will go behind your back and break your trust.
A break in trust comes with feelings of betrayal. If someone isn’t willing to give their all to a relationship, they will continue to hurt the other person.
3. He avoids vulnerability most of the time
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Showing vulnerability isn’t easy and can be especially difficult for men. Guys are taught from a young age that showing emotions makes them weak. They could also be afraid to let someone in as a form of protection. Instead of risking being hurt for love, he will keep his feelings bottled up.
A man may think he is ready for a certain type of love, and while he may have good intentions, not being vulnerable means he's simply not prepared. If he is fearful of vulnerability, will likely have a hard time connecting deeply with you or anyone else.
4. He can’t seem to kick the single lifestyle
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For some, being single is just more exciting than finding true love. A man may claim he is ready for a special relationship, but if he can’t change his ways, it’s clear he is not. Some guys like to play the field. However, if he claims he wants a committed, loving relationship with a woman and he is still entertaining other women, it is clear he is not ready.
Sometimes, a man may be afraid of losing a woman, even if he is not willing to give up his single lifestyle for her. Men like this usually want to have their cake and eat it too, so to speak.
5. Issues from his past relationships are holding him back
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Bad experiences can change someone’s outlook on love. If a guy hasn’t moved forward from past experiences that have hurt him, he may not be ready for the kind of love he claims to want. Whether he endured a bad breakup or went through infidelity with someone else, it’s not easy for them to start fresh with someone else. Even if he intends to move forward, past traumas can keep them from fully giving himself to someone else.
A man who can’t let go of an experience may dwell on it. Whether it’s before they fall asleep at night or throughout the day, their focus may be on someone else rather than the future of their relationship with you.
6. He almost never takes accountability
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Taking accountability is one of the most important things you can do in a relationship. Knowing when to say sorry and move forward makes a difference. When someone fails to do this, they are not ready for a mature relationship. Our ego can get in the way of how we respond to others. It can cloud our judgment. A man like this may blame everyone but himself for his actions. Failing to admit when he is wrong proves he isn’t ready for the kind of love he claims to want.
“Accountability is fundamental in healthy relationships, and is grounded on the idea that there is more than one person in a relationship, where one person ends, another begins,” says Princeton University. “Accountability requires a sense of self-worth, a recognition that a person is both independent from others and also in relationship with others. When accountability is present, there is a strong foundation for all of the other components of a healthy relationship.”
7. He isn’t responsible
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If you cannot count on someone to do what’s right, likely, they are not ready for the kind of love he claims he wants. A responsible man can be relied on. You know he is going to do the right thing because of his morals. If someone is irresponsible, they likely have poor judgment. He may think he will make meaningful choices in a relationship, but his track record isn’t impressive.
An irresponsible man may be called a ‘man-child.’ He may not only fail to take responsibility for himself, but also make you pick up some of the slack. He is not in it for the right reasons, even if he thinks he is ready for true love.
8. He lacks problem-solving skills
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Problem-solving isn’t easy. It’s something most of us work on mastering throughout our lives. If a man refuses to improve his skillset, it’s clear he isn’t ready for a true, meaningful relationship. Conflict happens in a relationship. It’s not always avoidable. If a man can’t work through an argument, he isn’t ready to be a good partner.
We all have different problem-solving strategies. All that matters in the end is how we respond to and settle conflict. A man who isn’t prepared to work through arguments well, it’s not going to work.
9. His freedom seems way more important to him
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Some men love being single. They enjoy not having to report back to someone else. Their freedom is something they may cling to. It can be a sign of immaturity, but also a signal that they aren’t ready for the love they may think they deserve. A man like this wants to be able to do whatever he wants while also being in a relationship. If he is spending wildly, spending too much time with friends, or neglecting his priorities, he’s not ready for a relationship.
Of course, it’s important to have independence within a relationship. There needs to be a happy medium between meshing lives with someone and maintaining our personal lives. If a man is unwilling to dedicate time to his partner, he likely isn’t ready for something serious. The fear of losing his freedom can hold him back.
10. He doesn’t put in much effort
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To maintain a healthy relationship, both partners need to put in effort. Whether it’s doing the work to keep the other person happy or showing up kindly in arguments, the effort we put into our relationships matters. If a man isn’t willing to make time for you, he isn’t ready for a true loving relationship. He may expect to put in the bare minimum and receive the most he can from your emotional labor. If it isn’t an even playing field, it won’t work.
“Romantic effort is most fulfilling when it stems from intrinsic motivation. Instrumental effort—like dividing chores or managing schedules—is necessary, but if it dominates the relationship, something is off. The best relationships are not defined by how much effort they require, but by the spirit in which that effort is given and received,” says Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D.
11. He isn’t very romantic
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Some people are naturally less romantic than others. That’s not a dealbreaker in some situations. However, when a man pursues a woman for love and fails to put in effort, he is likely not ready for the love he claims to want. To grow a relationship, make romantic gestures. It can be as simple as showing up at their place with flowers, or as major as planning an elaborate date. Everyone has different standards. If a man refuses to do any of this out of laziness, his intentions are not good enough.
Showing some romantic interest in someone you are in a relationship with matters. If a man fails to do this, he might not be ready for love.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
