People Who Slowly Push Away Every Person They Know Almost Always Do These 11 Things
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock Many people who end up lonely and isolated find themselves there suddenly, but the truth is, the behaviors and attitudes that lead to it develop slowly and unnoticed. People who slowly push away everyone they know almost always do things that cause irreparable damage to relationships, sabotaging the sense of belonging most people subconsciously yearn for.
Especially when we’re going through a hard season of life or struggling with deep emotional turmoil, we can get caught up in our own struggles without realizing that everyone in our lives is going through the same. Of course, emotional support and attention won’t ever be 100% equal in relationships, but steering clear of these specific behaviors and attitudes can protect your relationship from disconnection.
People who slowly push away every person they know almost always do these 11 things
1. They give unsolicited advice
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Although unsolicited advice is often more common among close friends and tight-knit relationships, the truth is that it often comes across as intrusive, invalidating, or unwanted. When we try to fix someone's problems or emotions, before hearing and understanding them, we may be pushing people away and making them feel immediately misunderstood.
Sometimes, people only want to feel seen and validated for how they’re feeling and what they’re going through, rather than fixed.
2. They stop reaching out first
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Whether this kind of digital silent treatment is a way to test someone’s loyalty in a relationship or simply a behavior stemming from insecurity or internal struggle, people who slowly push everyone away almost always stop reaching out first.
It’s this kind of disconnection and disengagement that experts call the point of no return in relationships, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Once one person is no longer invested in cultivating a bond, both fall out of balance with one another, even if it seems to happen entirely subconsciously.
3. They regularly cancel plans
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While cancelling plans at the last minute and no-showing friends is sometimes related to mental health concerns that should be taken seriously, it’s important to recognize when these misguided coping behaviors are actually isolating a person further. When you cancel at the last minute or show up late, you’re disrespecting someone’s time, and if it’s a close friend, a pattern of doing this can lead to disconnection.
People who slowly push everyone in their lives away may feel like they’re protecting themselves and cultivating comfort by cancelling plans that aren’t convenient or exciting, but in the end, not showing up for their loved ones will only leave them feeling alone.
4. They avoid hard conversations and conflicts
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According to a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, avoiding things that you find uncomfortable or stressful only amplifies their stress and burden in the long term. The more you avoid them, the harder they are to eventually manage and resolve, whether it’s a concern in a relationship or a deep-seated fear you haven’t healed from.
People who slowly push away everyone they know are naturally avoidant in this way. They prefer to avoid hard conversations and conflicts rather than face them head-on, which can lead to serious feelings of disconnection and resentment.
5. They refuse to ask for help
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Even though asking for help is often uncomfortable and inconvenient, especially when we’re dealing with intense, emotional struggles like grief or loss, research has shown that people are yearning to provide support, especially to loved ones. Not only do you make someone else feel important by asking for help, but you also relieve your own emotional burdens, protect yourself from loneliness, and create stronger bonds with others.
However, people who slowly push away every person they know still refuse to ask for help. They withdraw and isolate themselves when they’re struggling, putting both their personal and relationship well-being at risk.
6. They keep score in relationships
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Treating relationships as transactional is a tried-and-true way to disintegrate trust and break down emotional bonds. When you’re expecting something in return or in exchange for things like affection and love, that should be unconditional in your relationships, you’re putting an insurmountable amount of pressure on your loved ones.
From playing mind games to testing people's loyalty by keeping score of what they give you, people who slowly push away every person they know almost always do these things.
7. They expect disappointment and abandonment
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Fearing abandonment often leads to insecure and sometimes avoidant attachment styles that can quickly lower relationship well-being and satisfaction. They’re so used to bracing for rejection or abandonment that they’ve started relying on unhelpful behaviors, such as avoidance or clinginess, to feel more secure.
While these behaviors can sometimes prompt a fleeting sense of comfort in their routines, in the end, they only push people farther apart.
8. They assume they’re a burden to others
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According to a study published in the Aging & Mental Health journal, it’s often people already struggling with mental health issues like depression and anxiety who are most worried about being a burden to their friends and family. While it might feel comforting to over-apologize or to minimize their emotions to protect themselves from that fear, ironically, these things only place a larger burden on loved ones.
If someone feels the need to constantly reassure you that vulnerability is safe, at some point, they’re going to become emotionally burnt out in the face of over-apologizing or assumptions of being a burden. Relationships are built on emotional support and vulnerability, and it can’t be a one-way street.
9. They hold onto grudges
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Even though it often manifests in seemingly harmless ways, like passive-aggressive jokes and avoidance, resentment can quickly erode relationship well-being, according to marriage and family therapist Kathy McCoy. People who slowly push away every person they know almost always hold onto resentment, often through grudges and concerns they’re afraid to address.
Instead of leaning on the bonding relief of forgiveness, they run from accountability and hard conversations, building up a nasty sense of internal resentment that inevitably sabotages their relationships.
10. They deflect with humor
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Whether it’s in platonic friendships or with a partner at home, getting comfortable with vulnerability is an essential part of building emotional intimacy and connection, according to research psychologist Dave Smallen. Without it, we’re not only left in the dark about what another person is feeling, but we’re often more emotionally unsettled as we try to make room for unresolved conflicts and pent-up emotions.
People who push away everyone they know almost always do the same in their relationships. They minimize their feelings and deflect concerns with humor, not realizing that this self-deprecating behavior actually isolates them from the support and belonging they yearn for.
11. They ghost people
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Whether ghosting is simply a way to avoid hard conversations they’re not interested in having or to protect their own comfort in the face of emotional distress, people who slowly push away everyone they know almost always do these avoidant things.
Rather than addressing concerns in the moment or making space for discomfort to bond, these people isolate themselves to regulate.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
