People Who Can't Break Free From Unhealthy Attachments Often Share These 5 Self-Sabotaging Traits
They cling to the familiar and confuse intensity with love.
Alex Avalos | Unsplash If you tend to attract toxic companions no matter where you go, it might be because you have a few personality traits that contribute to toxic relationships. You've fallen into a pattern. Or maybe you're watching as someone you know gets stuck in a pattern of behavior that keeps attracting unhealthy people.
Whether it's you or a friend, these habits and patterns can be broken with a little insight and reflection — making room for true love that lasts a lifetime. That's not to imply you should ever blame yourself or the victim for someone else's awful treatment, especially because relationships are about the interaction between both parties.
But it never hurts to take a pause and consider the role you may be playing — especially if you may be behaving in a toxic manner yourself, to some degree. By being aware of the characteristics and habits that may attract individuals who aren't good for you, you'll be better prepared to recognize a toxic situation when it occurs and leave if required.
Seeing a therapist can help you make this shift since they can help you figure out appropriate relationship expectations. Going forward, you should also consider concentrating on improving your self-esteem and enabling yourself to be and act differently in relationships. With time, you should be able to shift your way of thinking, break negative behaviors, and attract healthy individuals.
People who can't break free from unhealthy attachments often share these self-sabotating traits:
1. They have low self-esteem
When people have poor self-esteem, they frequently think they are incapable of being loved and cared for by someone. They get into relationships with individuals who treat them the way they view themselves, either consciously or unconsciously.
People with low self-esteem frequently stay in dysfunctional relationships because they believe they don't deserve better or are unable to attract someone with healthy relationship skills. But low self-esteem often comes from a pattern of thinking that can be broken and habits that can be healed.
They may also find themselves acting poorly or unkindly toward others as an unhealthy way to manage their own insecurities. It will be necessary to work on increasing your self-confidence to modify this feature.
2. They are loyal to everyone
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To make a relationship succeed, both parties must be trustworthy and devoted to one another. But there's such a thing as being overly loyal, especially when it means remaining in a bad relationship.
Loyalty is a personality trait that, if not managed properly, can lead you wrong. You should be extremely cautious if you quickly form loyalties toward somebody or make a habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt too early.
Often, all you want is for someone to feel that way about you, or for you to feel comfortable in the knowledge that you'll never be alone. And it might mean staying in hazardous settings for far longer than you should.
Real loyalty is earned through consistent behavior over time and is not granted as a default setting to anyone who shows you attention. When your loyalty becomes something others can exploit, research recommends reassessing whether you're being faithful to relationships or just afraid of being alone.
3. They are co-dependent
People with codependent personalities are more likely to wind up with toxic partners, mainly because they are drawn to partners who "need" them or want to be saved. Likewise, vice versa.
They frequently associate with toxic people to have someone to repair — they may also be the person in the relationship whom their partner feels a need to "fix." Since codependency tendencies can be found in childhood experiences, seeing a therapist may be worthwhile to discover what is leading you to wind up in these harmful relationships.
Because codependency is usually rooted in a person's childhood, treatment often involves exploration of early childhood issues through therapy. Research shows that without addressing these patterns, individuals will continue to gravitate toward the same toxic dynamics, confusing being needed with being loved.
4. They have unhealthily high empathy
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This is comparable to being too kind in that it might lead to you becoming involved with needy or toxic people. People with a high level of empathy are often sensitive, empathetic, and forgiving.
Toxic people who have a history of exploitation, dominance, and abuse are more likely to get away with certain actions when their partner has a high level of empathy. The trend, though, can be broken.
A person with high empathy may also find that they need to "switch it off" to function in the world, and that, too, can contribute to toxic relationships. Both of these are important habits to break.
Empathy is a good quality to have. As a result, the aim here would be to defend it rather than decrease it. If you have a high level of empathy, keep in mind that many people with toxic behavior patterns perceive persons with high levels of empathy to be their perfect spouses.
Consider the following strategies for preserving empathy: Implement limits, think twice before giving someone the benefit of the doubt, and seek education or a better understanding of certain dangerous/manipulative personality types that exploit others. When you have a high level of empathy, these are excellent places to start.
Research has found that while empathy can foster connection, high levels of empathic engagement over time might lead to burnout, especially when partners feel they cannot turn off their empathy. The solution isn't to become less empathetic, but to develop strong boundaries.
5. They lack self-knowledge
Don't be shocked if you have trouble finding a good relationship if you don't yet understand who you are or what you desire. Your spouse can only provide you with what you require if you are aware of it and seek it.
Otherwise, they'll be left hanging, unsure of how to bring you happiness, which might lead to emotions of dissatisfaction. The excellent thing is that if you're aware of these characteristics, it's much easier to change them. While changing your poor habits and behaviors may take time, simply being conscious of what you bring to the table is the first step toward developing healthy connections.
Sidhharrth S. Kumaar is an astro-numerologist and the founder of NumroVani. He couples his knowledge of modern sciences to solve real-world problems in the areas of mental well-being and relationship growth.
