People Who Are Annoying To Be Around Usually Don't Realize They Say These 11 Phrases
Nastya Dubrovina | Shutterstock We've all been in situations with a person who just knows how to get under your skin. It's not that they're saying anything to be intentionally rude, but somehow, everything that they do say just grates on your nerves. Most of the time, though, they don't even realize it. Instead, they think they're just being honest or even helpful, but honestly, it usually has the opposite effect of what they're trying to do. Whether people realize it or not, language truly does play a role in how people perceive us. The words and phrases we unconsciously choose can help us better understand ourselves, and even why we behave the way we do, something linguistics scholars have spent their careers studying.
While some people may be self-aware of how their words affect others, there are others who are completely oblivious to the impact of their words. It's why some people just leave you feeling drained after a simple conversation because they don't know the kind of energy they're putting out with the use of their words. It doesn't mean they're a bad person or that they should be shamed, but once you're able to notice the patterns that these individuals use over and over again, it's so much easier to navigate conversations with them. Most of the time, the annoying people aren't doing it on purpose, which might be the most comforting and reassuring thing to understand.
People who are annoying to be around usually don't realize they say these 11 phrases:
1. 'Actually you're wrong'
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When people don't realize they're being annoying, they can come off as being condescending even when they don't mean to. For anyone trying to share their perspective, these individuals think that automatically labeling them as being "wrong" means it makes them sound smarter. In actuality, it just makes people not want to converse with them.
No one likes feeling judged or knowing that everything they're saying is being analyzed and picked apart. Licensed psychologist Jordan Fiorillo Scotti explained that some people judge because of their own insecurities. They tend to have the most "negative reactions to the qualities they refuse to acknowledge in themselves." Talking to someone who routinely uses this phrase can just be an extremely frustrating endeavor, and eventually, you just start tuning them out altogether.
2. 'You wouldn't understand'
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The use of this phrase can definitely come across as being arrogant or even patronizing. Nothing shuts down a conversation faster than someone claiming that other people just don't understand at all. It honestly doesn't even matter if it's said with zero vindication in their voice; it still lands the very same way. The moment someone hears it, they know they're just being dismissed. People who say this probably aren't trying to come across as if they're superior.
"We simply assume that we’re kinder, more honest, more realistic, more wholesome than those around us. After all, we’re married to ourselves for life, so we make accommodations: We cut ourselves slack. We’re fast to forgive ourselves. When challenged, we’re much better at making our case than our opponent’s," explained psychologist Jeremy Sherman.
In their mind, they think they're just avoiding having to explain something complicated to someone else. But instead of just asking for time to work through their thoughts, saying this phrase almost implies that the other person is incapable of understanding at all. Whether or not that was their motive, it still stings. It sends the message that someone else just lacks the intelligence needed, which is rarely true at all.
3. 'Calm down'
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While they may be intending to reassure someone, it usually ends up having the opposite effect. Instead of someone feeling comforted, they start to feel dismissed, as if their behavior is the problem rather than the situation at hand. It can quickly end up coming across as if they have no patience, rather than coming from a place of empathy.
"The problem with the phrase is that it often puts people on the defensive—insinuating that their reactions are the problem. Even if this has some objective truth to it, and indeed their reactions seem out of proportion to the situation, getting them back to emotional equilibrium will likely not be helped by accusing them of having an 'inappropriate' reaction," pointed out clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior.
What really makes these two words so annoying is the fact that it also invalidates what the other person is feeling. It doesn't get to the root of why they're upset in the first place. It just tells them that their own reaction is the problem, which isn't fair. Rather than feeling heard, people start to feel as if they're being judged.
4. 'I'm just being honest'
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For the most part, people who have to preface that they're only being honest are usually just being blunt and rude, even if they don't mean to come across like that. They use it as a cushion to say the most unnecessary things. But honesty shouldn't need a disclaimer. If you have something that you need to get off your chest, you should be able to say it without actively hurting the feelings of the other person.
Most of the time, people are just looking for some support. They just want someone to hear them out and reassure them that everything will be fine. What they're not looking for is to feel uncomfortable. Truly honest people can deliver the message with respect, and that's what people are usually looking for when they're asking for advice or just feedback.
5. 'You're too sensitive'
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This usually ends up making people question their own reactions to things, even when that might not have been the intention. In their mind, they think they're being helpful by pointing out that it might be an overreaction. Even if that's the case, sometimes people don't want to hear that they're acting out of character or not feeling justified when they feel so strongly in the first place.
To the person hearing it, it feels like a dismissal of sorts. That makes them never want to open up or lay their feelings bare again. No one likes to be told they're being "too sensitive" in the first place anyway. It makes them feel uncomfortable, as if their emotions are being policed under some kind of microscope.
6. 'I'm only human'
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Usually, individuals who use this phrase are looking for a way out of their own repeated mistakes and even annoying behavior. They blame it on their personality rather than taking the necessary steps to maybe change and not come off as frustrating as they do. Rather than just being able to own up to either hurting someone's feelings or just messing up in general, they lean on "just being human" as a way to avoid a deeper conversation and reflection of their actions.
They're attempting to imply that the issue doesn't need to be explored or talked about anymore because their actions are just inevitable at this point. It's so rooted in their humanness that it simply cannot be challenged. Being on the receiving end of that can feel incredibly isolating. No one enjoys talking to someone who really can't take any kind of accountability at all.
7. 'I've been through worse'
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Not everyone's struggle is the same. How one person deals with something doesn't mean it should dictate how everyone else should feel about going through something similar. Hearing this phrase from someone makes it seem as if trauma is some kind of competition. The person who suffers the most should come out on top always. Rather than being supportive or trying to let someone know that what they're going through is a walk through the park, it creates more problems.
It doesn't make people want to become stronger either. The best way to support someone going through any hard time is to just show up and listen. You don't have to say anything or prove that what they're going through isn't a valid reason to be feeling a certain way.
8. 'That's not how it happened'
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The moment this phrase is uttered, it can definitely cause tension in any room. No one enjoys being made to feel like they aren't recalling the way things happened. Two people can remember things in a different way, but it shouldn't invalidate either person's experience. When someone is just flat-out denying another person's version, it can make it feel as if their feelings don't matter at all.
People will immediately start sifting through their memory and perception of things, wondering if they are in the wrong. Instead of feeling safe, wanting to share their side, they do not feel as if they're just going to be shut down. Understanding someone shouldn't come from putting them down, but it should come from being able to acknowledge that, most of the time, two things can be true at once.
9. 'Relax, it's a joke'
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A joke is only funny when people are laughing. If someone gets offended by a remark, then there should be accountability. Even if you didn't mean it to be hurtful, it's still important to acknowledge that you're sorry. But for people who just lean on the fact that it was a joke can be extremely invalidating. Once you have to explain that something was a joke, that means it definitely didn't land as one. It doesn't take much to say that the joke missed its intended mark.
"Of course, jokes have their time and place. I don’t think we should all become humorless robots, taking everything literally and at face value. But let’s develop a new sense of awareness about the emotions behind the jokes we make," insisted licensed marriage and family therapist Phil Stark.
But the second that you try to make excuses for why someone feels slighted, that's usually when things take an annoying turn. We won't all be able to understand each other's humor, but a simple apology can make something more of an understanding and less of an intended jab.
10. 'I don't care'
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Using this phrase can sometimes just come off as being particularly cold. It suggests that they really don't care about another person's thoughts or feelings. Even if a person is trying to come across as being detached, it can create ripples where the other person just feels slighted and outright annoyed. What makes it even more annoying is just how final it feels. Once someone claims they don't care, there's really nothing you can do to change their mind.
"Your giving nature is admirable and has probably helped more people than you can count, but you need to take care of yourself and stop trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change. Leopards are born leopards and won’t change their spots," pointed out relationship expert Beverly D. Flaxington.
There's no room for any kind of compromise. Conversations are forced to end, even if there's way more that needs to be said. It's almost like just brushing something under the rug rather than being able to address something head-on. Things don't get resolved when someone shuts down any kind of talk.
11. 'That's not my problem'
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Most people who say this think they're setting a boundary by declaring that it's not their problem. In reality, this phrase just ends up coming across extremely harshly. When someone is trying to share something personal and be vulnerable, the last thing they want to hear is that the other person is washing their hands of the entire situation. It's just dismissive.
"When people feel heard and validated, they’re more likely to engage the prefrontal cortex—linked with calm, thoughtful processing—rather than activating stress responses in the brain’s limbic system," explained trauma expert Jason Shimiaie.
Even if the situation really wasn't their responsibility, the least they can do is offer some empathy. When you hear that someone is struggling, you don't have to take accountability for the struggle, but there should at least be some sort of understanding. People don't necessarily feel comfortable opening up to someone if they're just being dismissed quite quickly.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
