Women Who Turn Into Loners The Older They Get Usually Have These 11 Reasons

When we are younger, it’s easy to maintain a busy social calendar. We have extra free time. For many, the pressures to fill our time with activities with friends can be overwhelming. We feel like we have to live up to a certain standard.

As we get older, the importance we put on socialization decreases. According to one study, it’s common for people to become more isolated and experience loneliness as they age. Physical changes, distance from the people they once shared time with, or a change in what matters most can make them feel lonelier. When we picture ‘loners,’ the image we conjure is likely sad. However, some people isolate by choice. If you notice a woman has turned into a loner over time, she may have specific reasons.

Women who turn into loners the older they get usually have these 11 reasons

1. They've put everything into their families

woman who turned into a loner because she put everything into their families Aflo Images via Canva

There is a desire to be the perfect mother. When raising children, one parent might put their life aside to devote themselves to their children. It can be difficult to find time for themselves. They also may struggle to put energy into their social lives. Over time, their relationships with friends may fade. Eventually, their children will move out, and they may have to then take over the care of their elderly parents.

When someone has devoted everything to their family, it’s not surprising that their friendships may change. When they are no longer consumed by their parenting duties, returning to a social life may be difficult. They could become loners as they age.

2. They are more self-aware

woman who turned into a loner because she is more self aware fizkes from Getty Images via Canva

With age, most women begin to understand themselves better. They tap into their true feelings. After years of experience, they know what serves them and what doesn’t. Sometimes, with self-awareness comes isolation. They may have realized that they desire certain things in life. That could exclude socializing.

They may stop spending time with others entirely. Others choose to keep their social circle small. When they know who they truly are, they are comfortable spending time by themselves.

3. They become more independent

woman who turned into a loner because she is more independent Sidsel Clement from Getty Images via Canva

Many women spend their lives tied down to other people. As they age, they may come to that realization. Globally, women outlive men by about six years. If they face widowhood or a divorce, they may begin to reflect on the times they spent putting others before themselves. With this freedom they’ve acquired, they may choose to focus exclusively on themselves. They will become more independent.

With independence comes less reliance on others. They pull away from their social lives to focus on doing whatever they want.

4. They may be grieving

woman who turned into a loner because she is grieving MixMedia from Getty Images Signature via Canva

As we get older, so do the people we love. Over time, we will experience the tragic losses of those we care about most. Some people may deepen their connections with others, leaning on them in times of need. However, not everyone operates this way. You may see women choose to live a lonelier life.

A study that took place in Korea found that women who lost their spouses instantly felt loneliness. That’s to be expected. However, the study determined that women survivors are often more likely to deal with this temporary feeling. They may become loners as they navigate this life change.

5. They have retired

woman who turned into a loner because she has retired Tatiana Saavedra from diversifylens via Canva

Women are known to put everything into their careers while still carrying the majority of the housework and child-rearing duties on their backs. More women are currently in the job market than ever. It’s no surprise that when someone retires, they need a break. This may look like stepping away from their social lives for a minute. Or, they could have lost their friendships when their career took up most of their time.

Retiring gives people a new freedom, but some women may choose to become loners during this period. They likely never experienced much time to themselves between their job and their families. It could be a much-needed break.

6. They grow tired of fake friendships

woman who turned into a loner because she is tired of fake friends charliepix via Canva

With age, women stop caring about having as many friends as possible. Instead, they focus their energy on mutually beneficial relationships. Having a close friend is important. They enhance our well-being. Fake friendships serve no purpose, and as a woman ages, she may become a ‘loner,’ when in reality, she is putting her true friends first.

“Many adults aged 50 and older received health-related support, encouragement, and motivation from their close friends during the past year. Among those with at least one close friend, the majority said they can definitely count on these friends for emotional support in good times or bad (79%) or for support if they need to discuss their health (70%),” found a survey conducted by the University of Michigan. They are not loners, but rather limit their social circle.

7. They are burned out

woman who turned into a loner because she is burned out Worawee Meepian's Images via Canva

Life is hard. We hear that phrase constantly, but it is true. Most women spend their lives putting other people first. Marriage takes a lot of work. Making sure your husband is cared for as they get older is also exhausting. The same goes for raising a family. Throw work into the mix, and as she ages, the more burned out she becomes.

Being ambitious is valuable. However, when women fail to include self-care in the mix, they can burn out quickly. Once they realize they need to prioritize themselves, they may back away from social situations. They can become loners, if only to bring themselves to rest.

8. They may have trust issues

woman who turned into a loner because she has trust issues electravk from Getty Images Signature via Canva

Let’s face it. The older we get, sadly, the more we are burned by the people around us. Everyone has experienced broken promises. Even worse, we all find ourselves in moments of true betrayal. How we process this pain changes how we act. Trust issues may make us always assume the worst.

When a woman sees only the worst in people, she will pull away. She may seem like a loner, but in reality, she is dealing with pain. She has been hurt so many times before that trusting people is scary. Instead, she’ll choose to spend her time alone.

9. They are navigating an empty nest

woman who turned into a loner because she is navigating an empty nest electravk from Getty Images Signature via Canva

Motherhood can be all-consuming. Women give everything to their children. When they are ready to leave the nest to attend college, it can be painful. Adjusting to life without parenting can feel overwhelming. It can change the way they choose to spend their time, and they may experience loneliness.

“In the case of empty nest syndrome, hopelessness, lack of purpose, loneliness, anger, relationship and marital conflict, substance misuse, risky behaviors, and unreasonable expectations are just a short list of possible unhealthy thoughts, behaviors and emotions that someone could have,” says psychotherapist and Mayo Clinic expert Richard D. Oswald Jr., L.P.C. They may retreat into themselves while they navigate this life change.

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10. They begin prioritizing their peace

woman who turned into a loner because she is prioritizing her peace View more by Koto from Getty Images via Canva

As women age, they often value time spent alone. They likely didn’t have much time to themselves when they were raising children and working full-time. Those roles are stressful. When she’s finally an empty-nester and a retiree, she may become more focused on protecting her peace. She doesn’t have room in her life for things that do not bring her joy.

By protecting her peace, she may take on quiet hobbies. Maybe it’s reading often, or doing yoga. These things can be done alone. She may turn into a loner during this process.

11. Their health may be declining

woman who turned into a loner because she her health is declining davidpereiras via Canva

As we get older, our bodies change. It’s not something we can avoid. If a woman finds herself feeling unwell with age, she may become a loner. This isn’t always by choice. The University of Michigan discovered in a study that maintaining friendships with mental or physical health troubles is difficult. They found that 20% of those struggling with their mental health reported having no friends, while 18% with physical ailments said the same.

Mental and physical health issues can make you live a lonely life, whether you want to or not. It can be hard to leave the house. Some women may find themselves embarrassed by how they look or feel and choose to retreat into themselves. You never know what someone else is going through.

Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.