Most Intelligent People Learn These 11 Lessons Way Too Late In Life
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Overexcitement and activity in a highly intelligent person's brain can often be risk factors for mental health disorders and psychological struggles later in life, according to a study from Intelligence. However, casual attitudes and tendencies, like a desire to be "right" or urges to unpack everything, can also lead to strain in a person's life in their relationships and lifestyles.
Despite knowing a lot and having a lot of "superpowers" that lead to success, most intelligent people learn other lessons way too late in life. They isolate themselves, sabotage relationships, and hold themselves to unrealistic standards all for the sake of proving or exercising their intelligence, and it can quickly feed into unhealthy lifestyles and behaviors.
Most intelligent people learn these 11 lessons way too late in life
1. Being 'right' doesn't always equate to happiness
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According to philosophy professor Iskra Fileva, desires for superiority or excellence can often push people to seek being "right" all the time, whether they're arguing with a friend or trying to resolve a problem at work. Intelligent people often seek the validation that comes from winning or being right, but the truth is, sometimes the most productive conversations have nothing to do with that.
The more you focus on being "right" all the time, the more lonely you'll be — pushing away people and sabotaging trust all for the sake of personal self-image. Even in personal relationships, trying to "win" arguments and be "right" all the time can sabotage connections and break down trust. It's possible to have healthy arguments and debates, but it should always center around support and understanding, rather than accuracy and winning.
2. Not everything needs to be unpacked
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There's a reason why innovation, creativity, and intelligence are all linked — they require an element of problem-solving and deep thought to thrive. The most intelligent people are often most successful in these realms because they pick things apart and dive deeply into topics for understanding.
However, knowing when to accept something as is versus diving into it deeper is one of the things most intelligent people learn too late in life. They burn themselves out and strain relationships trying to understand everything, even if it's their partner's deepest concerns, without making space to be present in the current moment.
3. Not everyone will understand you
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Many intelligent people are chronically misunderstood in their lives. They're perceived to be "arrogant" or rigid, even if their daily habits, like reading or asking questions, are truly their way of life. Focusing on being understood by everyone and grieving misunderstandings are the things that truly burn out intelligent folks.
Of course, the more misunderstood someone feels on a regular basis, the more lonely, stressed, and unmotivated they tend to be, according to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. However, if they can accept that not everyone will like and understand them, and focus instead on building relationships with people who do, their energy is better suited toward happiness and well-being in the long-term.
4. Some things don't have a deeper meaning
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Many intelligent people spend their lives diving into complex topics and trying to gain an understanding for vague, philosophical questions. While this often provides a lot of stimulation and meaning for their minds, most people learn that not everything has a deeper meaning way too late in their lives.
Of course, overthinking and philosophizing everything also puts highly intelligent people at a greater risk for existential crises, according to licensed professional counselor Samuel Kohlenberg. They can isolate themselves and face more loneliness if they worry about unpacking every casual thing and understanding it all.
5. Silence is sometimes the most powerful response
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Many intelligent people are intellectualizers at heart. Whether it's making sense of their own emotions or diving into the complexities of another person's behavior, they tend to harm their own mental health and isolate themselves by trying to make sense of everything.
Their craving for depth isn't an inherently bad thing, but dismissing silence and turning away from slowness in exchange for intellectual stimulation can disturb their peace. Most intelligent people learn this lesson way too late in life and miss out on opportunities to be present.
6. You can't make people change
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If someone doesn't want to change, you can't force them to change. As philosophy professor Peg O'Connor explains, intentional change comes from inside — understanding that there's room for growth and having the personal motivation to deal with discomfort to change it.
However, most intelligent people learn these lessons way too late in life. They make it a personal responsibility to change people, debate their habits or opinions, and provide them with logic to invalidate their experiences. While it might seem well-intentioned, in the end, this behavior only tends to push people away.
7. Logic doesn't cultivate emotional intelligence
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Many intelligent individuals try to force emotional intelligence on others and use logic to change people's behaviors — believing that because it makes sense to them through that lens, it will stick for others. However, that couldn't be farther from the truth. Emotional intelligence and maturity are linked to much more nuanced experiences, from childhood trauma to personal self-esteem.
You can't make someone more intelligent or change their thought patterns with logic on its own. That's why many intelligent people are often more introverted — they're easily exhausted by people who don't share their behaviors or thoughts.
8. Some opportunities aren't meant for you
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Especially when it comes to taking accountability and setting personal goals for themselves, highly intelligent people can struggle with stubbornness. They hold themselves to unrealistic expectations and are often hard on themselves when they can't achieve them.
However, some goals and opportunities just aren't meant for you, and trying to force them can lead to burnout and loneliness. Most intelligent people learn these lessons way too late in life, and end up exhausted and alone because of it.
9. Confidence thrives when you stop self-critiquing
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Many highly intelligent people grew up as the "gifted" person in their classrooms, workplaces, and relationships, urging them to set and seek unrealistic goals and expectations for success. They were always expected to do better and show up as the "perfect" version of themselves, even if it meant pushing themselves closer to burnout and isolation.
In adulthood, many intelligent people continue following this pattern. They critique themselves harshly and hold themselves to perfectionist standards, even if they're not realistic. Most intelligent people learn that confidence and happiness thrive when you stop criticizing yourself way too late in life.
10. Rest is healthy and productive
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Still coping with their "gifted child" syndrome and chasing unrealistic expectations for themselves, many intelligent people overwork themselves to prove their intelligence. They struggle to accept rest and take breaks for their own well-being, because they're always in pursuit of something that feels bigger and more validating.
Most intelligent people learn the lesson of prioritizing their rest way too late in life. Of course, everyone needs rest for personal health and well-being, but intelligent people need it to fuel their lifestyles even more. Without it, their brains can't function in the way they expect them to, and they often fall short on the expectations they set for themselves.
11. Wisdom isn't always complex
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While some intelligent people learn that simplicity is often more profound than complexity, shifting their language to be more accessible and simplifying topics to promote understanding, others fall into the rabbit hole of constantly seeking depth.
They overcomplicate things and make simple topics incomprehensible in their relationships, all for the sake of deeper thinking. But sometimes, wisdom doesn't come from complexity, but rather, from simplicity.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
