If A Couple Barely Touches Each Other Anymore, It Typically Means These 11 Things About Their Marriage
They're disconnected on every level.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock The degree to which couples prioritize and engage in physical intimacy together is often associated with their relationship satisfaction, well-being, and longevity, at least according to a study from Scientific Reports. However, when it’s overlooked and dissipating from a relationship, it can also be a sign of emotional disconnection or resentment — all of these behaviors are interconnected on a fundamental level.
It’s not just a trait that a person does or doesn’t have or even a behavior, but an emotional experience in social interactions between partners that defines the health of their relationship. From passing moments touching hands to cuddling before bed, physical touch is important. However, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it typically means these specific things about their marriage.
If a couple barely touches each other anymore, it typically means these 11 things about their marriage
1. They feel like roommates
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Focusing too heavily on logistics and coping with emotional disconnection with true avoidance, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it typically means they feel more like roommates than romantic partners. Even if that “roommate phase” is relatively natural for couples, like psychologist Silvana Mici suggests, it’s not sustainable for long-term couples, even if romantic love isn’t always a sole indicator of longevity.
As a study from the Journal of Family Psychology found, cohabiting couples are more likely to experience higher levels of commitment, often at the immediate expense of satisfaction. So, it’s not necessarily unnatural for couples to disconnect when they live together and start focusing heavily on the logistics, but it takes intention to carve out space for intimacy and affection.
2. They still get along, but don’t feel close
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According to a study from Emotion, closeness is positively associated with relationship satisfaction and negatively associated with feelings of annoyance or resentment. The closer couples feel on an emotional level, the more intimacy and physical connection they have, the more trusting they feel, and the more accepted they are by the other.
So, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, it’s safe to assume that they’re lacking a kind of closeness in every sense of the word. They may still get along and feel like platonic friends, but they don’t feel close.
3. They feel rejected
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Feeling rejected is an incredibly powerful feeling in our lives, even though the assumptions we make about when we’re being ostracized are often more inflated and influential than they may seem. According to a study shared by the American Psychological Association, feeling excluded by people — even in a relationship — often worsens our mental health and sometimes sparks more angry, aggressive behaviors.
So, if a couple barely touches each other anymore, they’re probably living in a constantly angry, resentful state that’s clearly obvious to everyone else in their lives. They feel excluded from friends and family for not having this kind of affection and warmth, while also feeling rejected by their partner for not being “desirable” enough to engage in it — even if they don’t voice any of this.
4. Everything feels transactional
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Transactional relationships often feel more like business partnerships than romantic relationships, so it’s no surprise that a couple who rarely touch each other anymore are more likely to be transactional. They don’t offer love, warmth, or comfort for free, and often expect things in return.
Even if they’re doing chores, they’re not doing it out of the kindness of their hearts or to help others, but to boost their own sense of entitlement to ask for something.
5. They’re both dealing with emotional turmoil or stress
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If a couple is overworking themselves in their own personal jobs and taking on a ton of stress, chances are the last thing they’re worried about making time for when they get home is intimacy or physical affection. Especially in the face of chronic stress, which tends to strain relationships and add to mental health struggles, these partners may even feel more disconnected and alone on a fundamental level.
They’re too busy and emotionally strained to even consider letting their guard down and getting vulnerable with closeness. It may actually help them to cope and unwind, but in the present moment, they’re more concerned with a fleeting sense of instant comfort.
6. Nobody feels desired by the other
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Physical intimacy is ingrained in emotional experiences in a couple, which means that pockets of physical affection in a couple’s routine often take emotional work to truly prioritize and enjoy, at least according to a study from the Journal of Marriage and Family.
Especially for men, who tend to lean on their relationships more than female partners for the emotional safe space and feelings of desire that it offers, feeling appreciated and sought after by their partners is important. They want to feel desired and appreciated, and oftentimes, it’s flirting and physical affection that does that.
7. They’re angry and resentful
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Many experts suggest there are a number of pros and cons to going to sleep angry in a marriage, from resolving conflict for better sleep to getting space to decompress, but for the most part, a couple should always resolve their arguments in the moment. It’s better not to let things fester, especially for a couple that tends to completely avoid these topics of conflict.
But feeling angry and resentful toward a partner has a lot more to do than simply going to bed angry. Chances are there’s more than one unresolved issue, including the disconnection with physical touch. But if they’re never resolving issues and letting them fester, the loss of intimacy may also be a side effect of their disconnection.
8. They’ve stopped casually flirting
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Flirting often reduces our stress levels and boosts our confidence, both experiences that inevitably add comfort and value to our existing relationships. So, when we make time for little moments of cheeky connection and witty compliments, we’re not just boosting our own mental health and well-being — we’re setting ourselves up for a moment of desired connection with our partners.
Even if it seems a bit silly to get back into the practice of, especially if you’ve fallen into a stagnant routine with a long-term partner, it’s incredibly important for boosting intimacy. If a couple barely touches each other anymore, it typically means they’re not making space for these moments enough.
9. They feel stuck
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Whether it’s being unsure about the future, grappling with anxiety about the state of their relationship, or feeling so disconnected from their own sense of individuality that they’re not even sure what they want from life, in general, if a couple barely touches each other, chances are both partners feel stuck in a stagnant loop.
Like psychologist Mark Travers suggests, couples stuck in a nostalgized version of their relationship and idolizing past versions of themselves may find a bit of internal, fleeting comfort, but in the end, these feelings only disconnect them further from their partners in the present moment. They’re stuck in the past, which leads them to retreat to their minds, rather than to their partners.
10. They’ve lost their foundation of trust
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According to clinical psychologist Forrest Talley, earning trust can truly transform your life and relationships, not just by deepening intimacy, but also by boosting self-esteem and inner trust. Not only are couples more emotionally and physically bonded through intimate moments, but he presence of trust also allows them to follow a routine without worrying about things they can’t control.
They’re not latching onto their anxieties and holding their partners to unrealistic standards, but showing up with ease, well-being, and trust that everything is okay.
11. They’re in survival mode
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Whether it’s an approaching separation that’s causing turmoil or couples living personally in “survival mode” coping with inner turmoil, being stuck in a sense of “fight or flight” isn’t doing a relationship’s intimacy any favors.
Chances are, these partners are relying on avoidant behavior for a sense of fleeting comfort. They avoid conflict and confrontation to protect themselves, but they simultaneously miss out on moments of intimacy, affection, and physical touch.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
