The Simple Relationship Trick That Makes You Way More Magnetic (And Way Less Needy)
You don't need to chase love. You just need to stop assuming it's always about you.
Viraj Upadhyay | Unsplash I used to take a lot of things personally. When someone was seemingly rude to me, I’d create elaborate (and what I thought very clever) stories about how much of a lowlife they were.
When we focus too much on our inner state and assume others' moods are about us, we miss the reality that most people are caught up in their own lives, explains life coach Anne Hamming. Learning to shift that focus is the first step toward the freedom the author describes.
When a family member snapped at me, I’d build a case for why they clearly didn’t care about my feelings. But over time, when I stopped making everything about me, I started receiving more wisdom about what might actually be going on with others.
The simple relationship trick that makes you way more magnetic (and way less needy)
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I took a breath and created space in my mind to really see. This brought a surprising amount of calm and stability back into my life.
I began to see how people were often projecting their own stuff onto me, or just struggling in their own thought-created reality. This made it far easier to be compassionate rather than defensive.
I learned that people are rarely, if ever, out to get me. And if it seems like they are, they’re usually acting out their own deep insecurities, not something I’ve actually done.
By adopting the "let them" mindset and allowing people to reveal who they are without trying to change them, we stop wasting energy on forcing others to meet our expectations.
This is exactly what motivational speaker Mel Robbins learned when she stopped making everything about herself.
Wisdom cuts through the noise and creates compassion. When you understand that everyone is living in the feeling of their thought-created illusions, you don’t feel the need to get angry anymore.
That rude person isn’t inherently rude. They’re having a temporary experience created by whatever’s going through their mind right now.
Your partner’s snap isn’t about you per sé. It’s them caught up in their own mental weather. And that is best addressed by not reacting, but rather seeing things for what they are.
When you create a safe place for yourself and don't take others' behavior personally, you cultivate unconditional self-love.
Licensed psychotherapist Heather Hans argued that this foundation allows you to influence and strengthen relationships instead of defending against them.
I found that no matter how harshly I felt someone treated me, if I remained calm, never reacted, and treated them with dignity, my life became immeasurably less stressful.
My relationships stopped ending explosively. They were strengthened. And when I had people who were draining my energy, I could gently let them go. No harsh cuts.
The main point here is that understanding other people, their personality types, and why they do what they do means resentment loses its charge.
It’s hard to take anything personally when you see the innocent person behind the behavior. And they always are.
If someone cuts you off in traffic, they’re not a terrible person. They’re probably lost in thought about something stressful that just happened to them.
Your snappy colleague is likely caught up in their own mental storm, not plotting against you. When you can see the person behind the behavior, see their humanity before their actions, understand their innocence beneath their mistakes, good things start to happen.
You start to care less. You feel more peace more of the time. You become magnetically more attractive.
People feel safe around you because you’re not constantly taking their moods personally. They sense your understanding rather than your judgment. And understanding is like ointment on a burn. This single shift, from making it about you to being open to understanding what another human is going through, will transform every relationship you have.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
