Deeply Unhappy People Avoid These 11 Activities That Would Actually Make Them Feel Better
Sometimes, the things that would help unhappy people are the last things they actually want to do.
Yulia Nemchenko / Shutterstock Deeply unhappy people have their reasons. They may be dealing with depression or working through trauma. They could simply be miserable at work or struggling in their marriage. No one chooses unhappiness. However, there are times when someone unhappy has the opportunity to help themselves, but they struggle to do it. To outsiders looking in, it may be hard to understand why they won’t help themselves. However, it’s not always that simple.
“This brain we've inherited is designed for survival, not for happiness. It releases the bad feeling of cortisol when it sees anything related to a bad feeling in your past,” says Loretta G. Breuning, Ph.D., for Psychology Today. “When your cortisol turns on, your big cortex looks for signs of threat, and it is good at finding what it looks for! That triggers more cortisol, which triggers more threat-seeking. You can end up in a bad loop. You are able to stop it when you understand the operating system we've inherited.” Sometimes, it can be as complex as our brains actively seeking the bad in things. However, there are tasks that deeply unhappy people could complete to feel better, but they struggle to do them.
Deeply unhappy people avoid these 11 activities that would actually make them feel better
1. Exercising
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We’ve all heard people say exercising is the solution to every problem. Of course, it isn’t always that simple. However, there is some truth to this comment when it comes to mental health. Someone who is deeply unhappy could feel better by moving their body. Sometimes, finding energy when being in that state is hard.
“Regular exercise may improve depression or anxiety symptoms enough to make a big difference. That big difference can help kick-start further improvements,” the Mayo Clinic found. “The mental health benefits of exercise and physical activity may last only if you stick with them over the long term. That's another good reason to find activities that you enjoy.”
2. Socializing
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Finding support from other people can make a difference when you are experiencing deep unhappiness. Being able to talk about your feelings can be revolutionary. However, for those experiencing unhappiness, it can be hard for them to open up to the people in their lives.
“People are social creatures by nature. Our relationships with family, friends, coworkers, and community members are important to our survival. Stable and supportive relationships give us the support we need to cope with stressful life challenges,” says the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. ”People with healthy relationships are more likely to make healthy choices that lead to better mental and physical health.”
3. Creating boundaries
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People who struggle with deep unhappiness may be taking on more than they can handle. They could be making themselves overly available to people in their lives. If they are constantly doing everything they can to help and be there for their social network, they will find they neglect themselves along the way.
This could be avoided by creating healthy boundaries. It can be difficult to do this. This person likely wants to be there for everyone. However, by setting boundaries with their loved ones, they can still show up for them but do so without negatively impacting their own mental health.
4. Practicing mindfulness
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Going hand-in-hand with setting boundaries comes practicing mindfulness. This can mean different things depending on the person. For some, this means meditating and taking time to feel their emotions. For others, it’s prioritizing their own needs over others, mindfully choosing what they put their energy into.
When someone is dealing with deep unhappiness, it can be hard to practice mindfulness. Likely, they are experiencing racing thoughts in a mind that is moving a mile a minute. As a result, meditating or focusing on their own well-being might be too much for them. They may have an easier time focusing on the problems of others than dealing with their own.
5. Showing gratitude
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I have struggled with depression for most of my life. One tip I picked up through years of therapy is practicing gratitude. When I wake up in the morning, I try to think of at least one thing I am thankful for and another I can look forward to doing. This helps boost my morale first thing and allows me to focus on what matters most.
This wasn’t always easy for me. When you’re stuck in the never-ending cycle of unhappiness, looking past the pain can be hard. Our brains can be wired to focus on the negative. There is a negativity bias we have to actively work to look past. Once an unhappy person moves this barrier, it can help them actually feel better.
6. Creativity
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Taking on a creative hobby when you’re down can be extremely helpful. I’m not talking about becoming a full-fledged artist. This can be as simple as making a collage, coloring in a coloring book, or working on a paint-by-numbers.
“Using our creativity, we can also practice releasing and letting go of what could potentially become toxic to our mind, heart, soul and body,” says Kim Nguyen, Clinician at Diversus Health. “Whether it’s through written words, physical or artistic movements such as interpretive dance along with our favorite melodies, splattered watercolor paints, pour acrylic paints, intuitive drawings and/or repeat patterns with Zentangle…etc.; all of these techniques help us to access the powerful tool of our mind — the imagination to heal ourselves.”
7. Prioritizing sleep
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Sleep allows our body and mind to reset. It’s a powerful tool to help heal our mental health. However, when you are in the depths of unhappiness, getting sleep can be hard. Sometimes, these feelings can lead to insomnia. For others, they may be sleeping too much, which can have its own negative side effects.
“Many Americans don’t get enough sleep or have trouble sleeping. Sleep helps your brain function properly, and not getting enough sleep or poor-quality sleep has many potential consequences,” says the American Psychiatric Association. “In addition to fatigue, decreased energy, and irritability, it can also contribute to problems with focusing and making decisions. Lack of sleep is linked to health concerns, such as heart disease and diabetes, and to worsening mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.” Prioritizing sleep can help make an unhappy person feel better.
8. Attending therapy
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This can seem like an obvious one. However, for people dealing with unhappiness, opening up about their feelings can seem impossible. They struggle with finding a therapist and getting into the routine of talking to someone. It’s hard to be vulnerable, especially when you are going through a difficult time.
Of course, this activity could make the biggest difference in the life of someone who is dealing with deep unhappiness. However, speaking from my own experience, it isn’t always easy to do. At a certain point, you can’t force help on someone who isn’t looking out for their own best interest. If you notice someone is deeply unhappy but avoids therapy, they might not be ready yet.
9. Finding new hobbies
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Sometimes, finding a new way to spend their time can be the best medicine for someone who is dealing with unhappiness. Whether it’s grabbing an instrument or trying out knitting, moving your hands and keeping your mind busy is helpful. There is also another side to this. If you had a hobby that you neglected in the past, try picking it back up.
“A hobby can be any activity done regularly during spare or leisure time for pleasure. Whether you do something creative, athletic, academic, or something more individualized, what really matters is that it is something you find meaningful and enjoyable,” found researchers from Utah State University. “Hobbies can range from spending quiet time alone, visiting or eating with others, communing with nature, playing sports, and even vacationing. When we dedicate time to voluntarily engage in pleasurable activities, research shows our mental health can flourish.”
10. Getting outside
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When I was in the depths of my unhappiness, I would get angry when someone would mention going outside. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘touch grass.’ Believe it or not, grounding yourself in nature can make a difference in our mental health. However, when someone is truly struggling, it’s hard to strap on their shoes and take in the fresh air.
“Our increasing reliance on technology, combined with a global trend toward urban living, means many of us are spending less time outdoors—even as scientists compile evidence of the value of getting out into the natural world,” says the American Psychological Association. “From a stroll through a city park to a day spent hiking in the wilderness, exposure to nature has been linked to a host of benefits, including improved attention, lower stress, better mood, reduced risk of psychiatric disorders, and even upticks in empathy and cooperation. Most research so far has focused on green spaces such as parks and forests, and researchers are now also beginning to study the benefits of blue spaces, places with river and ocean views. But nature comes in all shapes and sizes, and psychological research is still fine-tuning our understanding of its potential benefits. In the process, scientists are charting a course for policymakers and the public to better tap into the healing powers of Mother Nature.”
11. Journaling
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This is a habit that has helped my mental health completely. Writing my feelings down on paper has made such a difference. Instead of letting myself spiral in my own head, getting it all out makes me feel so much lighter. It’s a hobby that can be hard to pick up because it takes a lot of self-reflection, but when an unhappy person can tap into it, it can actually make them feel better.
If you’re looking for a creative hobby to remedy your unhappiness, try customizing your journal. I love to write my feelings down, but in doing so, I have some fun with it. Whether it’s using colored pens, strikers, or gluing in little pieces of my day that made me smile, I have had so much fun embracing this hobby. It made me actually feel better when I was deeply unhappy.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
