People Who Don’t Want Anyone Visiting Always Use These 11 Polite Excuses First
It's perfectly okay to say "no."
KAZLOVA IRYNA / Shutterstock Even though social interaction and cultivating positive social relationships are often the root of joy and happiness in our lives, at least according to a Harvard University study, sometimes we just want to be alone. Whether you’re an introvert or not, sometimes a quiet night at home, with no distractions and no visitors, is equally what we need to refill our own cups and return to our social lives with ease.
However, saying “no” to plans and turning away unannounced visitors can sometimes be uncomfortable, even if we’re really sticking up for ourselves and our own needs. But don’t fret. There are still ways to protect this space at home. People who don’t want anyone visiting always use these polite excuses first — whether it’s blaming their schedule on a partner or using work as an excuse to protect solitude.
People who don’t want anyone visiting always use these 11 polite excuses first
1. ‘My house is such a mess right now’
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Especially for women, spending time in a cluttered living space or home can add additional stress to their plates. When they’re alone at home, it might be manageable, but when they’re forced into hosting an event or having people over, it can add another layer of guilt and shame that’s often internalized in unhealthy ways.
People who don’t want anyone visiting usually don’t take on that stress if they don’t need to, instead using polite excuses like “my house is such a mess right now” to turn people away and find a new place to hang out.
2. ‘I’ve had a busy week’
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It’s perfectly acceptable to say “no” to social plans and shoulder the weight of “FOMO” if it means protecting your mental health and sanity. If you had a hard week at work, sometimes the last thing you need is a social event, small talk, and superficial conversations, adding to the drain you already feel.
“I’ve had a busy week” is the perfect polite excuse to turn down plans. If you have great friends, they’ll understand, and may even offer support, whether it’s a listening ear or a DoorDash meal delivered to your front porch. Just be careful, as overusing this phrase and constantly canceling plans might be a sign that you need better coping skills, time management, and support.
3. ‘The kids are sick’
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If you can’t think of an excuse to avoid people coming over to visit, blame it on the kids. Blame it on a stomach bug going around the school or an overnight common cold that’s caught in your house.
Even if it’s not entirely true, sometimes we need a blunt way to protect our alone time and rest, even if it’s uncomfortable at first.
4. ‘I’m not feeling well, maybe another time?’
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If they don’t have kids or a partner to blame a sickness on, people who don’t want anyone visiting always use polite excuses like this first.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be a blatant lie, even though lying in the name of self-help in this manner isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You could be stressed out and drained from a hard week at work and simply needing alone time to recharge. There’s nothing wrong with that.
5. ‘I think we’re going to keep things quiet tonight’
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Like a study published in the Journal of Leisure Research clearly explains, people with less free time in their schedules often have higher levels of psychological stress. That’s why it’s so important for people with busy schedules and long to-do lists to make time for solitude and rest, even if it means politely declining to host people or go out.
“I think we’re going to keep things quiet tonight” is the perfect polite excuse for people who don’t want anyone visiting to set their boundaries. The right friends and the healthiest people will understand, even if it’s at the last minute, because it’s honest, not some made-up excuse that dismisses a person’s disappointment.
6. ‘We just got back from a trip and everything is crazy at home’
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If you don’t want people to come over to your house, consider adopting a polite phrase like this. It might be an excuse to meet up somewhere else or protect your space entirely, but it’s a foolproof way to avoid hosting without disappointing people.
Especially if you already have a chaotic routine with not a lot of free time, people will understand that you can’t clean your entire place for the hopes of having a few people over. It’s not the end of the world, even if it’s a little uncomfortable to set these boundaries at first.
7. ‘I’d love to see you, but can we do it here instead?’
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Like a study from the University of Michigan suggests, feeling valued in subtle ways in friendships is incredibly important for both people’s happiness and relationship satisfaction. When people cancel plans at the last minute or use vague excuses for breaking their commitments, it has the exact opposite effect.
That’s why people who don’t want anyone visiting their house usually use polite and honest excuses, such as, “I’d love to see you, but can we do it here instead?” They suggest a park, a coffee shop, or a restaurant, not entirely canceling the quality time that makes people feel seen, but protecting their own well-being by avoiding the stress and chaos of hosting at home.
8. ‘Our schedules are crazy right now, so I can’t fully commit’
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Sometimes, our friends and family are more hurt when we immediately say “yes” to social plans and then cancel at the last minute, even though we truly knew that we weren’t sure it was going to work from the beginning, instead of letting people down and disappointing people, be clear right from the start, using a phrase like this to stay on the fence.
Polite people don’t people-please by saying “yes” all the time. They protect themselves, set boundaries, and engage in healthy and honest communication to make plans, even if it’s a little uncomfortable at first.
9. ‘I promised myself a night alone’
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Keeping promises to yourself is just as important as making commitments with friends, and everyone in your life should know and respect that. If you need a quiet night in or alone time after a hard week, the good people in your life will respect that, even if they’re disappointed they don’t get to spend quality time with you.
While too much solitude and alone time can bring loneliness and isolation into a person’s life, prioritizing it every once in a while, especially if you’re an introvert, is the key to protecting long-term well-being, happiness, and mental health.
10. ‘I already committed to other plans’
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If you’re not sure how to tell someone you’re choosing quiet alone time over hanging out with them, consider using a polite phrase like “I already committed to other plans.” Especially if you’re around someone who always tries to push you into committing to social plans and oversteps your “no’s,” sometimes this is the only phrase that will actually make a difference.
They don’t have to know that your committed plans are with yourself, and if advocating for that time is easier when you don’t tell them, so be it.
11. ‘Can we do it another time?’
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By rescheduling plans and making a commitment to a person down the road, you don’t completely sabotage their feelings of worthiness in a relationship. Even if you say “no” right now, a phrase like this politely reminds them that you still care and want to spend time with them.
Relationships, specifically platonic friendships, are incredibly important for happiness and general well-being as we age, so nurturing them is essential. However, that doesn’t mean sacrificing your own well-being or time to do so.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
