People Who Always Pretend Their Life Is Perfect Try To Hide These 11 Ways Their Lives Are Hard
Everyone wants to portray a perfect life, but there is always more hiding under the surface.
Maria Markevich / Shutterstock Most people always want to portray their life in a positive light. In the age of social media, there is even more pressure to come across as perfect. Everyone wants to look their best, have all the best clothing in their closets, and create contact that will leave others feeling jealous of them. When someone is pretending their life is perfect, it is easy for them to convince everyone around them that nothing is going wrong. Unfortunately, that is always far from the case.
“Why is everyone pretending to have the perfect life online? It’s like a perpetual high school reunion, where we all primp and prep to put our best selves forward — but in this case, it’s 24/7. Isn’t that just exhausting?” asks Nathan Chen. Hiding behind social media lets people pretend their lives are perfect. No one’s life is perfect, and if someone is constantly pretending theirs is, they are hiding the ways their life is actually hard.
People who always pretend their life is perfect try to hide these 11 ways their lives are hard
1. They have low self-esteem
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When someone has low self-esteem, they want to hide their insecurities from everyone around them. They don’t want anyone to know that they don’t actually feel perfect. They have shaped their lives to seem like nothing goes wrong, and opening up about their internal struggles peels away the curtain they are putting up to hide the truth.
Those with low self-esteem will often attempt to mask their insecurities by presenting themselves as perfect.
“Perfectionism, like overachievement, springs from a belief that one is unworthy and thus must labor over even tiny tasks in order to gain some sense of acceptability, approvability, and permission to exist,” notes journalist S. Rufus.
2. They rely on others to feed their ego
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With low self-esteem comes the constant need to impress. These people are constantly trying to show off how perfect their life is. As a result, they need those around them to feed their ego. They don’t naturally have the confidence that other people possess.
Someone who is pretending their life is perfect but is actually struggling needs the people in their life to believe they are actually perfect. They need them to give compliments and tell them how impressed they are with everything they do in life. Their pretend confidence needs to be fed by real-life commentary.
3. They need validation
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How can someone pretend their life is perfect if they don’t have someone around them validating their achievements? They’re struggling internally with things they do not show to those around them. They want their friends and family to instead validate the parts of their lives they feel comfortable showing.
Social media is the perfect place for someone with an imperfect life to find the approval they crave. When we post online, we are only showing the parts of our lives that look perfect from the outside. The comment section turns into a place where others can validate those actions for us. If you’re posing with a group of friends in the best clothes and designer bags, the casual viewer will be convinced your life is perfect. They’ll likely validate it through a supportive comment. A great way to pretend you’re perfect and get the validation you’re seeking is by posting on social media as if you have everything you could have ever wanted. However, they want to hide how much they need this validation, and instead make it look effortless.
4. They fear failure
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Someone who pretends their life is perfect is often doing so because they are secretly afraid of failure. They worry they are not successful or smart enough. They want everyone around them to think they are perfect because of the pain they feel inside. Someone like this is so afraid of not being the person they think they should be and feels the need to hide everything that is imperfect.
The fear of failure is common. We’ve all experienced it at some point. When someone is pretending they are perfect at all times, they are dealing with a deeper fear of failure than the average person. There’s even a name for it: Atychiphobia. “Atychiphobia is an intense fear of failure. It may cause you to put off or avoid any activity or scenario that has the potential for an unsuccessful outcome. Someone with this condition may be scared to try new things, take risks, or embrace growth for fear of failure,” per the Cleveland Clinic.
5. They are emotionally numb
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Someone who is pretending to be perfect may secretly struggle with emotional issues. Whether they overly feel things or are completely closed off and numb, they don’t want to show this side of themselves to people. Instead, they act like everything is going off without a hitch.
“Emotional numbness can create a sense of emptiness, isolation, or disconnect from the rest of the world,” note Ana Gotter and Sandra Silva for Healthline. “You may notice other people react to events in a different way, and it may be difficult for you to understand why you don’t feel the same way."
If someone struggles to react to things emotionally, they will put up a facade that their life is perfect and there is no reason to be concerned by how they are feeling.
6. They struggle to care for themselves
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On the outside, someone who appears perfect seems to have it all down. In reality, they may be struggling to properly care for themselves. I know I have been here. I post online often, showing off my cute pets and the fun things I do. What people don’t see are the times I had forgotten to feed myself or neglected taking time for myself because I was working too hard.
It isn’t as fun to share the dark side of life online. Whether someone is dealing with mental health issues or failing to focus on themselves because they are prioritizing other things, they pretend they are perfect. Still, in reality, they are going through things they’re not talking about.
7. They’re in a toxic relationship
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We all have known couples who looked perfect online. On the surface, everyday was great. When you’d see them together in person, they’d be affectionate and kind. When they inevitably broke up, the truth would come out. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but they didn’t want anyone to know.
“Let me tell you, I've never seen a couple bragging about how in love they are and how perfect each other is on social media that didn't end up broken up or divorced a handful of months later,” a commenter on Reddit said. “Rich people don't brag about being rich. Smart people don't brag about being smart. Happy people don't brag about being happy.”
8. They crave attention
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When someone is lying about how wonderful their life is, they secretly crave attention. By coming across as perfect, they know people will give them attention. They’ll comment on how cool they think their life is, or how amazing their achievements are. Showing off their ‘perfect’ life gets them everything they want.
“For adults, attention-seeking behavior is a conscious or unconscious attempt to become the center of attention, sometimes to gain validation or admiration,” says Scott Frothingham. “It may be driven by jealousy or loneliness.”
By pretending to be perfect, they get the attention they desperately crave.
9. They struggle mentally
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Pretending to be perfect protects people who are struggling emotionally. They don’t want to show the pain they feel, so they act like all is well. Being authentic about their emotions makes them vulnerable, and for a perfectionist, this can be scary.
Perfectionists never want to show their cards. They like the idea of portraying a strong, independent person. While they might be that, we all go through struggles. Someone who hides behind perfection is failing to be emotionally honest. In turn, they are making things harder on themselves by not seeking the help they need from those around them.
10. They have imposter syndrome
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Someone who wants to paint their life as perfect may be suffering from imposter syndrome. They may be highly successful, but they don’t think they should be. They believe there is some sort of catch. They never truly feel comfortable in their standing. It’s easier to convince the world around them that they are perfect than it is for them to have that conversation with themselves.
"Not only can imposter syndrome affect your internal feelings about your work or self-worth, but it can also actually affect the way you approach projects, relationships, or any other areas in which you are feeling insecure," explains Hannah Owens, LMSW, for Verywell Mind. "This essentially creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, which is what makes it so insidious and necessary to address when it arises."
11. They are burnt out
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Have you ever looked at someone and asked yourself, ‘How do they do it all?’ They have everything down. They balance work, hobbies, and relationships with ease. They make parenting seem like a breeze. They’re truly superhuman!
These people are proud to come off as perfect. Sadly, they are likely struggling on the inside. They are tired. They put themselves through the ringer to try to come off as someone who does it all. While it may seem like they are balancing it all, they are not. It’s too hard to tackle everything each day. They are likely burning themselves out.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
