Your Parents Raised You Right If You Don't Blame Other People For These 11 Things
They're not afraid to take accountability.
fizkes | Shutterstock People who regularly blame others, whether it's for their own mistakes, feelings of instability in life, or personal reactions, often struggle with insecurity. Like a study from Personality and Individual Differences explains, these blame-shifting behaviors are a defense mechanism for people who don't know how to take accountability or regulate their own emotions. They've been taught, whether by parents or misguided adult relationships, that they can get away with projection for comfort.
However, from personal emotional reactions to life struggles, your parents raised you right if you don't blame other people for these things. Emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and accountability are interlinked in these individuals because their parents taught them how to prioritize, protect, and regulate themselves. They're not yearning for "a scapegoat" because they know they hold their own keys to their comfort, happiness, and stability.
Your parents raised you right if you don't blame other people for these 11 things
1. Your mood
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People with the ability to regulate their emotions often experience better moods, mental health, and physical well-being, according to a study from Emotion. But how do they do it, especially amid the chaos of life and the unpredictable nature of relationships?
It looks different for everyone, but it often starts with a level of self-awareness — whether that's prioritizing solitude for reflection, journaling to notice patterns, or seeking external support. They know that they can control their mood, even in the face of stress or chaos, by leaning into their own personal habits and self-soothing rituals, rather than blaming other people constantly for making them feel angry, upset, or frustrated.
You can't control other people, so why give them so much power over how you feel?
2. Your reactions
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Whether it's responding negatively in a conflict with a partner or lashing out at a co-worker, your parents raised you right if you don't blame other people for these things. Of course, we can't always control how other people act or what they say, so it's not surprising that some of us react harshly in the heat of the moment.
However, truly self-aware and emotionally intelligent people have the skills to regulate themselves in the moment. They know that they can't control what other people do and can't force them to act a certain way, even with healthy boundaries, but they can control their own reactions.
Negative emotions and emotional reactions from others can be disruptive, but with the right self-regulation habits, it's possible to take ownership of your own responses.
3. Spending habits
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While there's plenty of research to support the nuances of financial habits, from peer pressure to overspend and institutional obstacles that make saving money difficult for certain groups, taking accountability for finances is a personal decision.
At the end of the day, nobody is going to save you from financial turmoil — you're the person in charge of building financial literacy, spending, and saving. Your parents raised you right if you don't blame others for these things, whether it's making the decision to overspend or struggling to save money.
4. Your life decisions
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Whether it's deciding to get married, have children, or start a certain career, your parents raised you right if you don't blame other people for these things. It's easy to blame others and chalk up poor life decisions as "completely out of your control," but you have the keys to your own life and the power to change your mindset.
If you want to change something, you have the power to change. If a relationship isn't serving you anymore, you have the power to end it. Of course, there are nuances to these situations and specific obstacles that affect people differently, but for the most part, blaming your life choices on everyone else only leaves you feeling uncertain, insecure, and chronically anxious.
5. Boundaries
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Although there are many discussions about "boundaries" in the current state of our world, there's one thing that's most important to remember: they won't control or police anyone's behavior. Boundaries are a reminder of the kind of behavior you're willing to tolerate, not a device to control or blame other people.
So, if you're constantly blaming people who overstep your boundaries for your unhappiness, chances are you're not maintaining them well. If someone oversteps boundaries, that's a signal to walk away or redefine a relationship, not blame and shame a person for acting how they want to act.
Decide how you want to be treated and structure your boundaries around it. They're a reflection of you, not necessarily a means of control for others.
6. How you treat people
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People raised right, with empathetic and compassionate roots, often treat people kindly because of who they are on the inside, not because of what they get from others. If someone is rude to them, they're not weaponizing their kindness, they're giving grace and forgiving silently.
However, someone who blames everyone around them for their own internal dysregulation will likely become defensive, blaming their cruelty on the struggles or moods of the people around them. That's why empathy is often linked to relationship satisfaction — when there's a fight or conflict with a partner, people with compassion lead with their kindness, rather than letting the negativity or frustration of others bring them down.
7. Relationship patterns
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According to therapist Crystal Jackson, your long history of toxic relationships is more of a reflection of the kind of behavior you're willing to tolerate than it is a blame list of bad exes. Your parents raised you right if you can recognize this — that blaming other people for toxic relationships is not only avoidant of accountability, but it sets you up to repeat the cycle.
People with strong self-assuredness and even stronger boundaries don't tolerate misbehavior or disrespect in their relationships. They know when to stand up for themselves, walk away, and seek out support when they feel stuck in a toxic relationship. They're not blaming all their "exes" for their commitment problems now, they're simply acknowledging and growing in the spaces where they have room to improve.
8. Daily habits and routines
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People who lack emotional regulation skills, self-control, and self-discipline may resort to blaming others for their bad habits and routines. It's always their needy friends' or unsupportive partner's fault for sabotaging their ability to stick to a routine, rather than a reminder of where they need to personally grow.
However, your parents raised you right if you don't blame other people for these things, but instead focus on yourself and set higher standards for your own decisions, accountability, and discipline. That's why emotional regulation and self-control are linked — you need to learn to regulate your own discomfort if you want to change.
9. Your success
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While privileged people may have support and connections to amplify their success, at the end of the day, the only person you have to rely on is yourself. Your parents raised you right if you don't blame other people for your success or, more importantly, for your lack of it.
Self-discipline, personal growth, accountability, and empathy are the keys to success. The more you hold yourself accountable, rely on your own self-discipline, and treat people with respect, the more you will reap the benefits of the success you desire. It starts with you.
10. The well-being of your friendships
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Relationships are a two-way street, whether it's a platonic friendship or an intimate relationship. You both have to commit to putting in effort, taking accountability, growing, and being supportive, or you end up in a resentful one-sided relationship where everyone feels worse off.
Your parents raised you right if you don't blame other people for the well-being of your friendships. Whether they taught you how to take accountability or modeled a healthy relationship for you at home, you know that to live a happy life or be in a healthy relationship, you have to put in effort and take responsibility for making it work.
11. Your triggers
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Guilting and blaming others only results in their internalization of shame, isolating a person who's clearly projecting internal dysregulation even further, like a study from the Journal of Research in Personality suggests. So, if you're constantly blaming other people for "triggering you" rather than setting boundaries and regulating yourself, chances are you're going to end up more alone and lonely in the end.
You can't control the way other people act, even in a relationship where certain behaviors are "triggering" to you. You can set a boundary, communicate your feelings, and decide to walk away, but no matter how close you are with someone, you can't control them.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
