11 Ways Boomer Parents Show Love That Their Adult Children Usually Ignore
They express their love in ways their children don't always appreciate.
Chokniti-Studio | Shutterstock While perspectives on love, relationship values, and expressions of affection tend to naturally shift throughout generations and age groups, the pursuit of connection is one thing that remains the same for everyone, according to human development professor Dr. Karl Pillemer. While adult children and older parents may want the same thing — to connect and love one another unconditionally — their differences in expressing it can often lead to tension and resentful feelings over time.
Many of the ways boomer parents show love that their adult children usually ignore aren't driven by a desire to misunderstand or misrepresent, but rather a generational difference in values. The things that boomers find special, sentimental, and respectful aren't necessarily the same for their adult children, which can lead to everyone feeling unheard and unloved without the right communication and compromise.
There are 11 ways boomer parents show love that their adult children usually ignore
1. Unexpected phone calls
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While many of their boomer expressions of love are hypothetically ignored for an adult child's sanity, things like unexpected phone calls are literally ignored. They don't appreciate talking on the phone, especially amid the chaos of their lives, to the same degree as their boomer parents.
Despite being a more "respectful" alternative to texting for many older generations, it's often rooted in anxiety, wasted time, and unnecessary stress for the average Gen Z or millennial person.
2. Checking or fixing their car
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Whether it's filling up their tires with air, checking their oil, or cleaning their car before they leave, these are the ways boomer parents show love that their adult children usually ignore. Of course, it's helpful; many Gen Z and millennials don't have the same level of tangible skills that their parents were forced to learn, yet these routines can go unappreciated.
So, if your parents are always taking the time to check in on your car and make sure it's safe for you to drive, they might not be expressing love in the ways you appreciate or expect, but they're doing it in their own way.
3. Sending home leftovers
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Many baby boomers have very different relationships with food and shopping for meals than their children do, considering they grew up in very different economic and social environments. Boomers are often financially practical with grocery shopping, prone to stretching meals, and more likely to place a lot of sentimental value on shared meals and dinners.
That's why sending home food and packing tupperware containers for their kids is one of the ways boomer parents show love that sometimes goes ignored or unnoticed. Younger generations today have a level of accessibility and convenience that their parents didn't have, so sending home meals might feel less special and sentimental, even if it's a love language for their parents.
4. Forwarding emails about scams or coupons
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If they see something online — whether it's a cautionary post on Facebook about scams or a coupon from their email — a boomer parent is always forwarding it to their adult kids. Even if it doesn't make sense to them or it's something they already know about, it's an expression of love that often gets ignored.
While many adult children have a certain level of digital literacy already, largely from having cell phones from a young age, and don't need these reminders, simply acknowledging the thought and effort from a parent can go a long way.
5. Fixing things around the house
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When baby boomer parents fix things around their kids' houses without asking, that's an expression of love. While verbal expressions of love and affection are often yearned for by these adult kids, overlooking the appreciation their parents do offer them in everyday life can only further exacerbate feelings of resentment or disconnection.
Everyone benefits from more gratitude in the parent-adult children relationship, whether it's a parent thanking their child for prioritizing quality time with them or a child expressing "thanks" for their tangible skills and tasks.
6. Offering advice
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Even though unsolicited advice can often strain parent-child relationships later in life, according to a 2020 study, making people feel dismissed when they're offering "solutions" for getting rid of the emotions they're feeling, it's often one of the ways boomer parents show love.
Even if it's misguided and unhealthy, they perceive their wisdom and life experience to be beneficial, so they're not guarded about offering it to their kids to show love. So, even if it takes boundaries and honest, uncomfortable conversations to remind parents to support before offering advice, expressing gratitude when it's relevant and well-intentioned can build trust and love in this relationship.
7. Printing out articles
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When a boomer parent trims newspaper leaflets and prints out articles they think their adult children might like, that's an expression of love, even if it's not necessarily the kind of affection or appreciation their adult children are looking for. Even if they could easily pull it up on their phones or a computer, appreciating the intentionality of an act like this can cultivate better bonds and bring families closer together.
When you're open about accepting a parent or child's differences and respecting them for who they are, you can start to cultivate purpose and meaning in these relationships, according to a study from Innovation in Aging. Even if that means being appreciative of a blurry article from a printer, that's the key to reaping the social and emotional benefits of their love.
8. Keeping old sentimental items
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Whether it's keeping their artwork from the second grade hung up in the living room or filling their homes with family photos, keeping old sentimental items is one of the ways boomer parents show love that their adult children usually ignore.
While younger generations are less interested in inheriting heirlooms and keeping sentimental material things from home — largely because of space and time — it's a way for boomers to remind their adult kids that they're proud of them, even if they don't know how to say it.
9. Bragging about them to strangers
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Whether it's telling the barista about their new promotions or chatting with strangers about their random accomplishments, these are some of the ways boomer parents show love that their adult children usually ignore. Many younger generations yearn for a sense of connection with their parents in the moment — wanting to hear things like "I'm proud of you" to their faces — even when bragging about them to others is indirectly the same thing.
We should all respect and express needs with our parents at home — it's possible to learn how to express love in a way that feels special to other people. However, expecting someone to consistently overlook their own love languages only causes resentment and frustration.
10. Watching their show recommendations
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Many older people and boomer parents are struggling with higher rates of loneliness than their younger counterparts, so it's not surprising that they go out of their way to connect, converse, and appreciate their kids, even if it's not in the way they expect. For example, watching their kids' favorite shows and reaching out to chat about them all the time is one of the ways boomer parents show love that their adult children usually ignore.
They may even ignore the texts and calls entirely amid the chaos of their day, even if the only reason they watched the show in the first place was to have a chance to connect over a shared interest.
11. Keeping a room for them, just in case
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Many boomer parents will keep a room just for their adult kids at home, if they have the space to do so, just in case. It's a love language — making sure they have a safe space to come, no matter what.
It might be the same childhood room they had when they were kids, but it's a place for them to stay, even if it's overlooked or judged by their adult kids when they come over.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
