The One Thing That Matters So Much More Than Love When It Comes To A Soulmate Bond
You'll know when you feel it pure and true.
Moyo Studio | Canva Everyone tells you to marry your best friend. Well, Amber Rae did just that. And she gave her relationship time to change and grow, marrying after nine years of dating and engagement. Two years later, she realized that classic advice was wrong. Or at least, the advice to marry your best friend is incomplete. You need so much more.
As Rae told Andrea Miller on the Getting Open podcast, she knew her marriage was lacking something, but she didn't know what until she looked into the eyes of a stranger. A man named John helped her learn what it felt like to connect on a much deeper level.
The one thing that matters so much more than love when it comes to a soulmate bond
Yes, friendship should be at the core of a great relationship. Many people say that most marriages fizzle into friendship anyway. But Amber Rae disagrees. She says there has to be a deep resonance.
Rae insists that when you find that deep connection with another person, it wakes you up and reminds you of what you've been looking for. That's what happened with her when she met her soulmate: She finally knew what was missing. Something she'd never been able to name.
"It's not like it is something romantic," asserts Rae as she describes her experience with John. "It is about wanting to be in the person's presence. It can be hard to describe in the moment, but it is a sense of pure connection. You feel like you don't want to let go."
What a sustainable connection looks like
"It is a very vulnerable time," explains Rae, about when you really fall in love with a soulmate for the first time. And being that exposed is terrifying. Rae insists that John was just this generous face saying, "Forever and forever, I love you, and you are my person, even if you are in your mess."
He completely accepted her in that moment, and continues to do so. This was the foundation of everything great they would build together.
How to sustain the connection:
As John exemplified and Rae discovered, you have to be willing to look at yourself. You need to look at your abandonment issues or insecurities, and keep it real.
Rae advises that you have to build a relationship with all those parts of yourself that you may not pay much attention to. You have to understand them from your wise and true self, and know which are authentic for you.
To do that, Rae insists you need to know which parts are old aspects that got stuck. You have to recognize them, describe them, and call them out. Then you can accept they are not you, they are not who you are, but rather parts of you that are acting for transformation.
Can true love be built solely on friendship?
dekazigzag via Shutterstock
Rae says no, because this connection goes deeper than friendship. It means not being afraid and not caring what people think, so you can look at all your parts and get to know your motivations. You have to get to know your true self outside of your protective parts. It means separating those protective parts that are not your true self.
Rae said she felt like she was at home when she looked in John's eyes. It is a very special moment of connection, so much deeper than friendship — even best friendship. They were in a bubble of wanting to know every last thing about each other, and they felt a driving need to be in the other's presence.
Rae found it hard to understand or describe at first, it is just this pure connection. You are overflowing with this feeling of where the story begins. And she insists every single one of us can have this type of love if we set a goal, do the work and hold a higher standard.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics
