The Art Of A Good Date: 4 Simple Habits Of Naturally Good Daters
From first impressions to easy conversation, here's what people who ace dating do differently.
Getty Images | Unsplash When I tell people I blog about my love life, the first thing most say is, "So you must be the real-life Mr. Big by now." Not exactly, but after going on more dates than a serial dater on a speed dating binge, I have managed to pick up a few pointers that anyone could use to become a naturally good dater — so without further ado, here are the small bits of wisdom I've picked up along the way.
Here are 4 simple habits of naturally good daters:
1. They say yes to set-ups
The very thought of letting my busybody buddies set me up on a date used to give me the shakes. I figured they would demand a minute-by-minute recap, a key to my diary, and naming rights for our firstborn.
Turns out they're excellent matchmakers. This is backed up historically by a Stanford University study that stated, "Friends, the close and the not-so-close, have been historically a crucial source of connections to others."
After all, these are the same people who have been listening to me wax philosophic about women for years. And there's an added benefit: Gossiping about your mutual friend is a great way to get the conversational ball rolling on a first date.
2. They call, rather than text
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If it were up to me, all pre-date communication would be conducted via email, where there is no risk of accidentally saying something embarrassing. I assumed my tech-savvy readers would agree. Wrong-o.
When I asked how people felt about asking someone out via email, the response was overwhelming. This advice from one woman sums up the consensus opinion: "If you want to stand out in a crowd of mediocre men, take the time and make the phone call. At least I'd get to hear your voice."
Duly noted. Now I always try to call at least once before a date.
3. They choose a venue where they won't be distracted
Last summer, my date invited me to brunch at a restaurant that is always packed, so I could barely hear what she was saying. A quiet, focused setting makes it easier to have a meaningful conversation without shouting over music or background noise.
Without interruptions (yes, iPhone notifications fall under interruptions), you can pick up on subtle clues like body language and tone of voice that can deepen rapport with your date.
4. They don't talk down
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The hardest part about rehashing my dating life online is detailing a night that didn't go so well. But discretion is key. When a guy hears a woman ripping on her last suitor, he becomes a little less brave. Research supports how men have developed a high rejection sensitivity that can have detrimental impacts on any future together.
Once, I was having a nice conversation with a woman at the bar when her friend started making fun of the last guy who hit on them. Were they waiting for me to give them a good anecdote to rehash over Bloody Marys the next day?
I quickly found someone else to chat up. It's pretty simple: if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Single-ish was a dating blog on Glamour Magazine's website, featuring alternating posts from a man and a woman who provided insights, tips, and stories about dating and relationships from their perspectives.
