11 Clues You're In Love With Someone Who's Slowly Destroying Your Life
Your partner may not be as good for you as you think.
Igor Prusac / Shutterstock Love can be blinding. Sometimes it can be hard to see that you are in the midst of a destructive relationship when you feel so deeply in love with your partner, but the truth is that the person you are so infatuated with may really be destroying your life.
There are several clues that, if you resonate with, may mean your significant other is doing more harm than good to your overall well-being. In order to truly heal from the negative impact your partner may be having on your life, the first step is acknowledging that your feelings and behaviors in your relationship are not a sign of a healthy and thriving partnership.
These are 11 clues you're in love with someone who's slowly destroying your life
1. You are always apologizing
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Always feeling at fault in a relationship and having to take accountability and apologize for things you are not at fault for is a sign that the person you are in a relationship with is slowly destroying your life. When your partner does something that hurts you, but then is able to flip it around and end up making it something you’re being blamed for, this is not healthy.
A relationship shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells. If it does, then the emotional connection and trust within the relationship will begin to erode. When aiming to heal from this, you should focus on first identifying and taking accountability for the emotional responses you’re having and then working on boosting your emotional security and confidence outside of the relationship.
2. Your mood depends on their mood
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Your emotional well-being is at risk when your mood is dictated by the mood your partner is in. This is a sign that your partner is slowly destroying your life because it leads to extreme emotional exhaustion and a lack of self-control.
It is emotionally tiring to feel guilt when your partner isn’t happy and to feel like your emotions need to mirror theirs. It isn’t healthy to rely so heavily on their emotions dictating yours that you can no longer function independently. If you find yourself feeling this way in your relationship, your first step toward healing should be to try and reestablish healthy emotional boundaries.
3. You defend them to your friends and family
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Having to constantly defend your partner to your friends and family is a sign that your partner may be destroying your life. Not only does this behavior isolate you from a potential support system, but it can also leave you feeling emotionally drained.
If your partner is controlling and treating you poorly, but you’re never able to open up about it to any outsiders, it makes it harder for you to acknowledge that this is an issue within your relationship. You’ll be left dealing with the toxicity all alone, and it can become too much emotionally. The first step to healing from this is to recognize the mistreatment you're receiving and stop justifying it.
4. You feel lonelier with them then without them
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If you are feeling lonelier with your partner than you ever did when you were alone, this could be an indication that they are slowly destroying your life. When you lack an emotional connection in your relationship, there is a lack of support and effective communication, and you may begin feeling like you aren’t valued.
Your needs are no longer being met, and it results in you feeling lonely, even when they are around. If you notice you are feeling this way in your relationship, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship, and if communicating your feelings with your partner doesn’t change anything, you may need to choose yourself over the relationship.
5. You're constantly second-guessing your decisions
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If you find yourself constantly second-guessing the decisions you make, even when they are smaller and less significant decisions, it could be a sign that your partner is destroying your life. You should never hesitate to make certain decisions because you are afraid of the reaction you’ll get from your partner, especially when there is truly nothing wrong with the decisions you’re making.
Your partner’s reactions should never make you feel unsafe and cause you to lose self-worth. If you find this happening in your relationship, focus on yourself and what you need, and learn to trust yourself and your decisions.
6. You tightly hold on to the good times
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When you choose to overlook the negative aspects of your relationship and instead hold on tightly to the good times, you may be with someone who is destroying your life. When you are in a healthy relationship, you have a sense of support, respect, and happiness all the time. You shouldn't need to hold onto moments where you felt these things, as they are far and in between.
If you ignore the destructive parts of your relationship, you will slowly but surely lose your sense of self, and it will become a mental toll. It is important to seek feedback from loved ones who can share their perspective on your relationship and focus on your gut feelings. This may save you from a destructive relationship.
7. You're conforming to who they want you to be
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Your partner should love, desire, and respect you for everything that you are. If you find yourself conforming to who they want you to be rather than staying true to yourself, you may be with someone who is destroying your life.
When your partner makes you feel inadequate and diminishes your self-esteem, you begin to feel less and less satisfied with yourself and lose your own sense of identity. If you find that parts of yourself are drifting away, you may want to consider seeking external support and prioritizing your well-being.
8. You're physically exhausted, but emotionally still hoping
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When you feel physically exhausted from your relationship but still emotionally remain hopeful, you may be with someone who is destroying your life. While the love you have for your partner may be making you hold onto hope for the relationship, if your body is drained, it may be time to let go of the hope and recognize the possible neglect of your needs that is occurring.
Your partner may be causing you stress and ignoring your emotional, mental, and physical needs. To protect your self-esteem, physical and mental health, and your boundaries, you should listen to your body and be willing to look past the love and hope to identify what is really happening in the relationship.
9. Your boundaries are constantly disrespected
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If your partner constantly disrespects your boundaries, they are likely destroying your life. When your needs and values are ignored, it has a negative impact on your overall well-being and self-esteem.
This disrespect negatively impacts your mental and emotional health, and it makes you feel like your boundaries are not valuable or are too much to ask for. When you find yourself experiencing this in your relationships, you should try communicating your boundaries and the way you’ve been feeling with your partner. If no changes occur, then you may want to consider leaving the relationship and focusing on your needs.
10. Your efforts are overlooked
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When you feel like you’re giving your absolute all to your relationship, but your partner never seems appreciative of your efforts and even finds reasons to criticize you, you may be with someone who is slowly destroying your life. You should not feel like you are the only one contributing to the relationship, and when you are contributing, you definitely shouldn’t have a fear that your partner is going to overlook your contributions.
This can lead to you feeling like your emotions are invalid and you may feel helpless and like no matter what you do you’ll never be enough. This is not how a healthy relationship is supposed to look, and you should consider setting boundaries for yourself and prioritizing your self-worth over the relationship.
11. You isolate yourself from those who love you
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If you feel like the only person you can fill your time with is your partner, you may be in love with someone who is destroying your life and relationships. Your partner shouldn’t make you feel guilty for having relationships with friends and family.
If you find yourself walking on eggshells with your partner and feeling like you have to stay away from loved ones and isolate yourself to keep them happy, this isn’t love. It's control. You should focus on your own needs and seek emotional support.
When in a relationship where you feel madly in love, try to still take a logical and realistic approach to the relationship. If you find yourself doing any of these things, it may be time to take action to get yourself out of your current situation.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
