11 Signs Of A Narcissistic Husband That Are Hard To Miss Once You Notice Them
The behaviors are subtle at first, but spotting these signs will make everything click.
Hryshchyshen Serhii | Shutterstock Living and being married to a narcissistic person often sparks mental and psychological chaos at home, according to a study from the Behavioral Sciences journal. Not only do their manipulative tendencies and behaviors — from gaslighting to avoidance — often create disconnect and resentment in the relationship, they also profoundly affect the well-being of their partner.
Of course, truly recognizing and acknowledging that you’re married to a narcissistic person can be incredibly difficult, especially if they’ve previously crafted a romantic narrative with you in the past or you’re emotionally invested in their well-being as a person. However, many of the signs of a narcissistic husband that are hard to miss once you notice them tend to multiply on each other, giving their spouses a chance to reflect on how they feel, the state of their relationship, and how willing they are to keep tolerating manipulation in the future.
Here are 11 signs of a narcissistic husband that are hard to miss once you notice them:
1. He withholds affection when he’s upset
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Narcissistic partners often withhold affection for control — bonding their partners closer to them and crafting a dependent relationship by punishing and rewarding behavior that aligns with what they need, like psychotherapist Sherry Gaba.
When you’re in the thick of a toxic relationship like this, essentially begging for attention and positive reinforcement, it’s much harder to notice these signs, but once you create space, it’s hard to ignore.
Many of the signs of a narcissistic husband that are hard to miss once you notice them are rooted in insecurity, but that doesn’t make them any less hurtful. Partners in these situations not only walk on eggshells around their husbands — unsure of how they’ll react or respond — they feel pressured to always put their needs to the side.
2. He projects his emotions onto you
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When a narcissistic person is feeling internally angry or dysregulated, it’s their partner that they turn toward first to find a way to cope with those feelings. Whether that means painting them out as the victim in conflict, starting petty arguments, or shaming them, they’d prefer to project their discomfort, rather than deal with it directly.
This behavior is largely associated with a narcissist’s need for superiority. Even if they’re the ones engaging in hurtful behavior or making mistakes, it’s never their job to take accountability — at least in their own mind.
3. He never apologizes
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Narcissistic people often struggle with taking accountability and accepting when they’re wrong because their entire life revolves around perceived superiority. If they make a mistake or believe that other people are perceiving them to be less “in control,” they’ll do whatever it takes to save face — even if that means putting their relationship well-being at risk.
Largely a defense mechanism to protect their fragile ego, they cannot accept being anything less than perfect, in control, and superior to everyone else. That’s why refusing to apologize is one of the signs of a narcissistic husband that are hard to miss once you notice them.
Even if it’s subtle things like expressing concerns over commitments or household labor, they’ll shut down and get defensive before they open themselves up to the thought of change.
4. He downplays your emotions
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According to a study from the American Sociological Review, gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that aims to make people feel “crazy” or ‘irrational” simply for expressing their emotions or concerns. Especially in a romantic partnership, where partners know everything about their spouse, gaslighting can become more harmful, with narcissists weaponizing their partner’s insecurities to gain control.
So, if your husband is always downplaying your emotions with phrases like “you sound so crazy” or “you’re overreacting,” chances are they’re likely a narcissist — or, at the very least, gaslighting you to protect themselves from needing to take accountability for their hurtful or disengaged behavior.
5. He talks badly about you
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Whether it’s lying about your relationship or speaking negatively behind your back, a narcissistic husband will do whatever he can to promote his own self-image, even if it means worsening yours.
Ironically enough, according to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, many narcissists are incredibly socially and self-aware enough to understand their own narcissism and how other people perceive them. They know how to manipulate people because they can shift changes in conversations and even insecurity in their partners, and they don’t mind weaponizing those things to ensure they remain in control.
6. He’s charming to everyone but you
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Many narcissistic people know how to turn on their charm — they’re intuitive, socially aware, and in control enough to ensure people see them in a positive light. However, one of the common signs of a narcissistic husband that is hard to miss once you notice them is that they’re charming to everyone but their own partner.
When they go to a partner, it’s almost refreshing for their partners to see the side of them that they appreciated early in a relationship, but the minute they step into the car or get home, it’s a completely different reality.
7. He keeps score in the relationship
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Narcissistic people always “keep score” — living in an inherently transactional way that sabotages mutual respect, empathy, and unconditional love in their relationships. If they don’t want to do something, their first instinct is to say something like, “It’s your turn,” even if it would help their stressed-out partner.
They’re always expecting to get something in return from their partner, so when they need something, they have a bank of random chores and acts of kindness to pull from. They don’t offer love, guidance, or support without it helping them in some way, which not only deteriorates trust in their relationship, but also their partner’s general feelings of love and intimacy.
8. He guilt-trips to get his way
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Guilt-trippers often feel empowered to adopt a sense of victimhood in any scenario with their partners. They feel entitled to control and innocent of any wrongdoing, even if they’re actively hurting or harming someone else, according to psychologist Lynn Margolies.
So, if you notice that you’re always in the wrong or being shamed for something you didn’t do, that could be a sign you have a narcissistic husband, even if it’s hard to acknowledge at first. You may even feel discouraged from sharing opinions or expressing your concerns, because your partner has so convinced you that you’re always “the bad guy.”
9. He ignores your boundaries
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Solid boundaries are required for healthy relationships because they not only protect mutual respect and partner satisfaction, but also space, time, energy, and affection. If they’re not being met, someone is feeling unheard or unvalued, in ways that can build into resentment over time.
However, narcissistic boundaries don’t care about respecting other people — even their own partner — because they’re going to do whatever it takes to make themselves feel good. Even if that means overstepping a boundary in parenting or calling their partner out in public, they’re more likely to hurt her feelings and guilt-trip later on than respect their wishes in the moment.
Ironically, even after overstepping boundaries you’ve set or disrespecting your needs, a narcissistic husband will paint you as “the controlling one.”
10. He uses your vulnerabilities against you
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One of the more sinister aspects of being married to a narcissistic person is that they know you so well. Whether it’s the things you’re physically insecure about or vulnerabilities about romantic relationships, they know what to target when they want to inflict harm. So, if you feel like your vulnerable thoughts and feelings are constantly being used against you, chances are you’re married to a narcissistic husband.
Whether it’s picking apart your body in public or calling out something like “clinginess” that you’ve discussed before, they’re not afraid to shrink you down to make themselves look better.
11. He makes you feel like you're always walking on eggshells
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When you can’t set healthy boundaries, have truly honest conversations, or resolve conflict on the same team because of a narcissistic husband, you’re bound to walk on eggshells around him. Especially if you’re emotionally invested in him as a person or the relationship in general, his manipulative tendencies likely urge you to be a people-pleaser or to meet his every need.
However, once you start ot realize how your mood shifts and your well-being worsens in his presence, it becomes impossible to miss. Hopefully, you start to wonder what the relationship is truly adding to your life — and if it’s worth investing time, energy, and health into at all.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
