Adults Who Secretly Can’t Stand Their Parents Often Use These 11 Polite Phrases
These are the subtle things adults say when they've had it with their parents.
Zoran Zeremski | Shutterstock Tensions in adult child and parent relationships can harm quality of life for both sides, but they stem from various experiences — from emotional disconnect to different values, childhood trauma, and personal emotional intelligence. According to a study from the Psychology and Aging journal, these tensions can also be be generational, with parents and their adult children having very different outlooks on and expectations for life.
While resentment and struggles in these family dynamics can often be obvious and exhausting, they sometimes also appear in casual conversations. For instance, adults who secretly can’t stand their parents often use polite phrases that hide their discontent. Their unhappiness or frustrations aren’t serious enough to go “no contact,” but these phrases can help set boundaries or protect their energy from being drained.
Adults who secretly can’t stand their parents often use these 11 polite phrases:
1. ‘I’m not looking for advice’
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Unsolicited advice from parents can often feel intrusive, misguided, and dismissive for adult children, according to a 2020 study, especially when they’re simply looking for emotional support or empathy. That’s why adults who secretly can’t stand their parents often use polite phrases like “I’m not looking for advice” to redirect conversations when they’re feeling dismissed.
They may appreciate their parents’ advice occasionally or generally avoid expressing vulnerability around them, but they can’t stand having to navigate unsolicited and unprompted interruptions and “solutions.”
2. ‘We have different opinions and that’s okay’
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Even from early in life, in conversations around chores, lifestyles, and daily decisions, it’s clear that children and their parents tend to disagree, according to a study from the Journal of Psychopathy and Behavioral Assessment. However, these tensions and disagreements also seep into the parent-child relationship in adulthood, as each party solidifies and grows into their unique value system.
Adults who secretly can’t stand their parents always calling out their differences and even judging their lifestyle choices may use a polite phrase like “we have different opinions and that’s okay” to maintain their composure. They may not have a close relationship with their parents because of these fundamental differences, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a respectful conversation every once in a while.
3. ‘We have different ideas about success’
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According to a study from the Psychology and Aging journal, parental well-being later in life often revolves around how successful their children are — whether that’s in their careers, personal relationships, or financially. However, if parents have wildly different expectations and ideas about what success looks like, that can cause disconnection, resentment, and frustration in the family dynamic down the road.
Adults who secretly can’t stand their parents may simply feel unheard, unvalued, and unsupported, pursuing their dreams when they don’t align with what their parents perceive to be “successful.” However, it’s still possible for them to use polite phrases like “we have different ideas about success” to remain respectful in these conversations, especially if they’re still interested in nurturing some kind of relationship.
4. ‘Let’s catch up another time’
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By creating space in conversations and moments when they feel dismissed or invalidated, adults who can’t stand their parents often use polite phrases like “let’s catch up another time” to regulate their emotions. Especially in an environment at home where parents believe emotions are something that can always be “controlled” — or rather, suppressed — it can be overwhelming for adult children to regulate, verbalize, and feel supported.
So, when they need space, they make an effort to do so — for their own well-being and sanity, but also for the state of the relationship.
5. ‘I hear you’
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Rather than getting into an argument about something they disagree with or raising their voice to make space for their own, adults who secretly can’t stand their parents often use polite and seemingly healthy phrases like “I hear you” to protect their peace.
They don’t feed into overly emotional or disrespectful conversations, but instead make space for their parents to feel supported when they speak — and hopefully, also return the favor.
6. ‘I don’t want to talk about that right now’
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Many parents who become enmeshed in their children’s routines later in life often feel entitled to hear everything that’s going on. They want to know about all the relationship drama, their struggles, and even more about their jobs than seems practical, considering the well-being of their relationship.
Especially for mother-child relationships, like a study from the Developmental Review explains, often breeds more intimacy and conflict later in life, adult children need to have boundaries with what they feel comfortable sharing.
7. ‘I can handle it’
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Parents and adult children who truly boast the healthiest relationships accept that boundaries are a nonnegotiable, even if they’re not explicitly spelled out every time. Whether it’s financial help, privacy, information, or emotional connection, the best parent-child relationships thrive because everyone feels supported and respected without having to advocate for themselves constantly.
For adults who secretly can’t stand their parents – often because they struggle with boundaries — they respond to overstepping and oversharing with a phrase like “I can handle it.” They’re not afraid to accept help, but when it’s clear their parent is trying to wield control over their life and decisions, they set the boundary early.
8. ‘Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind’
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Rather than arguing with their parents about life choices and trying to justify why they’re making them in conversations, adults who secretly can’t stand their parents use phrases like “I’ll keep that in mind” to tolerate overstepping language. When a parent tries to push them toward a certain life choice or offer unsolicited advice about what they think “would be best,” they don’t internalize it, unless it actively adds value.
Sometimes, the key to maintaining a relationship with parents who are trying to live vicariously through you is to accept their advice without actually ingesting it. You can ensure they feel heard and valued, as long as it’s not at the expense of your own wellbeing.
9. ‘I’ll let you know later’
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Growing up with overbearing parents often sparks some long-term struggles, including the ability to form healthy and balanced relationships as an adult. That’s why it’s so important for adult children to mediate their overbearing behaviors before they spiral into something more demanding.
For many, that means using a phrase like “I’ll let you know later” to create space with their parents — ensuring they have the time and freedom to make their own decisions without judgment or pressure. Even if it’s something as simple as committing to plans, they don’t let their parents guilt them into making decisions that don’t serve in their best interests.
10. ‘It’s more complicated than that’
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When adults can’t stand their parents, it can be easy to immediately fall into arguments and heated discussions, even when the topics they’re discussing are more nuanced than “right” or “wrong.” From career choices to politics, respectful kids who secretly can’t stand their parents opt for polite phrases like “it’s more complicated than that” to protect the peace.
They’re not “people-pleasing” by any means, putting their own well-being on the line, but instead making space for everyone to share their thoughts without trying to “win.”
11. ‘I know you mean well’
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Sometimes, the best way to navigate a family relationship that’s taxing or emotionally draining is to focus on the small wins. When a parent gives unsolicited advice, they may simply be trying to support you — rather than invalidating how you’re feeling. Maybe, they’re offering criticism because they see your potential, not because they’re judging you.
Of course, there are limits to these things — you should never accept mistreatment from anyone for the sake of keeping the peace — but some adults who can’t stand their parents use polite phrases like “I know you mean well’ to protect themselves.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
