Men Who Give Up On Their Wives As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons
Long-term relationships take intentional work as time moves on and both partners get older.
goodluz / Shutterstock Long-term relationships and marriages don’t simply thrive because of their longevity. Having two decades and a ton of anniversaries in the rearview mirror isn't an automatic indicator of the health or happiness of your relationship, as psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski states. Commitment, trust, and communication take intentional practice to cultivate, and those factors are what really determine relationship fitness.
Men who give up on their wives as they get older usually have several reasons that are more about themselves than the good of the relationship. They may not want to invest more effort, or they may not feel that they are receiving what they need from their partner. Balance is key, so if both partners aren’t willing to invest in a partnership, what’s the point?
Men who give up on their wives as they get older usually have these 11 reasons
1. They don’t feel like themselves
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Without the mutual respect, balance of alone and together time, and communication to support each partner’s individuality, it’s not uncommon for long-term partners to feel less and less like themselves the longer they’re in a relationship. Not only does losing yourself in a relationship contribute to internal turmoil and exhaustion, but it also puts your overall well-being and quality of life at risk.
According to a study published in the Psychology and Aging journal, identity, especially for people getting older, is significantly tied to well-being, especially in a relationship. So, men who give up on their wives as they get older may simply be yearning for their personality and identity back, hoping to find more space to dedicate to their personhood, interests, and self-care.
2. They never talk through conflicts
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According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, couples with better communication habits and routines also boast better relationship satisfaction. So, if communication is dissolving and partners are avoiding conversations, arguments, and conflict, it could be one of the reasons why men give up on their wives as they get older.
Many women also tend to take on much of the emotional labor in relationships that may facilitate vulnerability and communication in their marriages, so if this partner has stopped putting in effort, it’s possible they don’t feel supported enough to express their emotions at home.
3. Their needs aren’t being met
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Whether it’s physical intimacy and affection, which men tend to desire more in their relationships, or emotional connection, men who give up on their wives as they get older may not be getting their needs met anymore. Even if their routines and habits have been the same for years, with the natural growth of self-esteem that comes with age, these men may feel more empowered now to walk away or set new expectations.
Of course, it’s always possible to rekindle the romantic spark or work on practices like intimacy at home, but it takes the commitment and collaboration of both partners, not just one.
4. They feel constantly criticized
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While non-hostile criticism, otherwise known as constructive criticism, is often associated with more positive relationship outcomes for men specifically, as a study published in the Journal of Psychology suggests, being constantly met with hostile criticism or judgment can be exhausting. Not only does it attack personal self-esteem and well-being, it sparks resentment and disconnection in marriages and partnerships.
Men who give up on their wives as they get older may simply be tired of tolerating their hyper-critical or judgmental attitude, instead making the empowering decision to focus on themselves or seek out a more thoughtful, compassionate, and regulated partner.
5. They feel pressured to fit into masculine roles
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According to a study published in the Qualitative Health Research Journal, men who feel pressured to adopt and fit into masculine-forward and misguided societal expectations tend to struggle with vulnerability. They suppress their emotions, feel pressured to serve as protectors and providers, and avoid emotional expression for the sake of fitting a certain mold, even at the expense of their own internal well-being.
While it can be difficult to unlearn these societal beliefs and norms, once men finally do, feeling pressured by a partner to continue sustaining them can be exhausting. Men who give up on their wives as they get older are usually tired of suppressing, avoiding vulnerability, and always being the strong one in their relationship.
6. Their values have changed
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Whether it’s beliefs about religion, parenting styles, or even goals in life, men who give up on their wives may have grown out of their shared values. Even if it seems subtle and innocent on paper, it’s essential to have some kind of shared values with your partner. Otherwise, you’re bound to develop resentment and exhaustion by simply living your life.
Our values shape the ways we think, live our lives, and craft goals for the future, so if they differ greatly from our partners, it’s bound to negatively impact the quality of the relationship.
7. They feel disrespected
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Even if there’s a level of intimacy or attraction in a relationship, without mutual respect, there’s no way to communicate, resolve conflict, or craft a healthy future together. As experts from McLean Hospital argue, mutual respect is all about respecting each other’s decisions, skills, values, and opinions and treating them with dignity.
So, if every time a husband expresses his emotions or communicates an opinion about something, he’s shut down by his wife and criticized, of course, he’s going to grow tired of communicating and connecting at all. Not feeling respected means you’re not feeling heard, which is a perfect recipe for resentment and disconnection.
8. They’re always the bad guy
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Whether it’s their partner’s tendency to develop a victim mentality in the face of conflict or being the “scapegoat” when blame is shifted at home, men who give up on their wives as they get older may simply be tired of being the bad guy.
Not only can being the scapegoat lead to unresolved tensions and resentment at home, but it also ensures these men feel unheard by their partners, no matter what the argument or conversation is about. Especially as we get older, it becomes more and more important for us to get the support and acknowledgment we deserve, so if a partner is taking that away from us in favor of their own comfort, it’s not a relationship worth maintaining.
9. They feel like roommates
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While it’s certainly important for long-term partners to feel like best friends and have the foundations of any healthy platonic relationship, like trust, communication, and openness, in their marriages, feeling too comfortable at home and simply going through the motions of life is a predictor of dissatisfaction.
Partners who feel like roommates at home tend to grow stagnant in their relationships, focusing solely on work, chores, and responsibilities without developing true intimacy or connection. Not only does this spark disconnection, but it also leaves both partners with unmet needs, which is why it’s often a reason why men give up on their wives as they get older.
So, yes, the roommate phase can be natural in relationships, but when it’s sustained for longer, it can cause turmoil that’s hard to come back from.
10. They’re emotionally burnt out
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Not feeling a sense of genuine authenticity or even emotional regulation can lead to emotional exhaustion and burnout, according to a study published in the Current Psychology journal, especially in long-term relationships and marriages. Men who give up on their wives as they get older aren’t just feeling less like themselves or missing out on physical intimacy. They may also be burnt out from trying to express themselves or manage conflict without the proper skills.
Even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable, the healthiest couples lean into conversations and conflict that prompt personal and relational growth. Not everyone is perfect, whether they lack emotional regulation, self-awareness, or perspective at times, there’s always room for growth with commitment and intention.
11. They never have deep conversations
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According to a study published in the American Psychological Association, people yearn for deep conversations. Still, they’re also one of the ways that long-term couples strengthen their connections, grow and evolve together, and meet each other’s needs. Without these sometimes uncomfortable conversations and vulnerable moments, concerns go unresolved and needs go unmet.
If a couple is no longer spending the quality time together that they need to facilitate deep conversations, and one partner isn’t willing to prioritize them. In that case, it’s not surprising that this could be one of the reasons why men give up on marriages as they get older.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
