If Your Partner Does These 10 Things, You're In Love With A High-Value Person
The most valuable relationships feature two people who prioritize the other's well-being.
Seljan Salimova | Unsplash Relationships are complicated. While the falling-in-love part is easy and fun, maintaining love can be a challenge. But if you have a high-value partner, this can all be easier. They prioritize your well-being, are confident and secure, and offer love freely. Can you reciprocate that for them?
Many people are often aware of the importance of taking care of each other and yet can be confused about what to do. Fortunately, we can look to the people who know how to give and receive healthy partnership for guidance.
If you notice these 10 behaviors, you're in love with a high-value partner:
1. They don't take mistakes personally
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One of the most insidious things in relationships is when people take things personally that were not intended to be hurtufl. They believe the other person’s actions are tied to whether or not they love them, making mistakes into catastrophes. Often, they feel a need to stay one step ahead to please the other.
Despite behavior that might upset them, a high-value partner knows that the other's actions aren’t necessarily tied to the amount of love they have for you. They will accept authentic apologies and move forward in good faith.
2. They learn (and utilize) their partner's love language
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For those of you who don’t know about love languages, it's time to learn. They can be incredibly helpful in augmenting conversations about what's important, and can help people show love in the ways their partner will best be able to feel it.
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, gift giving, acts of service, and quality time. For each person, these love languages are ranked from most important to least important. The most important thing is the language to make a person feel loved.
People often give what makes them feel loved to their partner, and not the thing the other person needs to feel loved. As a result, no one feels loved, and fissures in the relationship can be the result.
A high value partner will be able to communicate what works for them, but they will also work to understand their partner's love language.
3. They're interested in what interests you
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When people first meet, they make a huge effort to get to know what their partner is interested in. For me, with my husband, it was steam engines, something that had never crossed my mind before I met him. I spent a ton of time going to steam engine events, which were interesting. But the real reason I went was to spend time with my guy.
As the years have passed, I don’t go to steam engine shows with my husband anymore. Even though they are important to him, I had spent enough time learning about them and I knew enough to chat about his interest, and that feels like nough.
I don't need to keep attending or pretend to be as enthusiastic about steam engines as he is, but I do continue to show interest when he has something important to share with me about them.
He appreciates my interest and loves that I share them with him. So, I do it. And it’s great for both of us, especially since he does the same for me.
4. They refuse to engage with passive-aggression
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One of the things that can cause the most damage in a relationship is passive aggression.
Chris Getman, writing for The Agency Arsenal, shared signs of passive aggression as defined by experts. A partial list of those signs includes giving backhanded compliments that are actually intended to critique, making wistful comments, playing the victim, not letting things go, sulking, and giving the silent treatment.
The thing is, passive aggression will never make a couple stronger, especially if it is used as a means to communicate about issues in a relationship. Not only is it a highly ineffective method of communication, but it is one that, if used regularly, will slowly erode the health of any relationship.
High value partners won't tolerate passive aggressive-behavior, and if they were raised with it and engage in it by accident, they do the work in order to stop. They want to be direct and respectful, not controlling.
5. They celebrate their partner's wins and successes
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Again, when we first get into a relationship, we are happy to celebrate our partner’s accomplishments. After all, we love them dearly and are so happy when they are doing well.
Unfortunately, as relationships go on, people get apathetic. While they might see their partner is doing something to merit celebration, and they are happy for them, they might fail to celebrate them, even with words of recognition. As a result, a partner can feel alone in their success, something doesn’t feel good.
High-value partners share successes, the big ones and the small. They invite you into their big moments, and they celebrate you for yours.
6. They don't take accidental hurts too personally
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It is rare in a relationship for one person to set out to hurt the other person. After all, with a few exceptions, no one wants to hurt someone they care about.
When you do something that hurts a high-value partner, for reasons big and small, they will try to remember that what has happened is most likely a mistake, not something premeditated to cause pain. As a result, they communicate hurt feelings clearly, don't strike back out of revenge, and accept genuine apologies.
That confidence and security comes from trust, and that's something you have to earn with them. So make sure you hold up your end of the bargain, too.
If we get to the point in a relationship where we feel like our partner is out to hurt us, it’s hard to feel safe. And this lack of safety is a key factor in the demise of many a relationship.
7. They recognize authentic emotions
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More often than not, when someone expresses their feelings, they are expressing how they truly feel. They might not be very good at expressing these feelings, but they are authentic.
In a healthy relationship, high-value partners will listen to the expression of these feelings and recognize their authenticity. They might not agree with them, but they won’t tell them they are wrong.
So, next time your partner shares their feelings, tell them you hear them, too! Making your partner feel heard is a key to keeping your relationship happy, especially if they're already doing that for you.
8. They don't take their partner for granted
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In relationships, we start to take each other for granted. When I was married and my ex and I were having struggles, I always just took it for granted that we would have time “later” to figure things out; that he would always be there. And I was wrong. Because I took him for granted, when “later” came, it was too late.
If you're with someone who appreciates you, celebrates your happiness and success, says "thank you" multiple times a day and recognizes what makes you great, you've got a high-value partner.
So be honest with yourself, now. Do you take your partner for granted? Do you take the things they do for you for granted? Do you give them the attention they need and deserve for their presence in your life? If not, give them the attention. Let them know how much you appreciate them.
Everyone deserves that, especially someone who gives that to you!
9. They give you space to flourish
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In many relationships, couples become so entwined in each other’s lives that each of them slowly loses a sense of themselves, of who they were before they became a couple. And, because of this, they stop flourishing individually and lose one of the keys to individual happiness.
A high-value partner knows it's important for each partner to give the other an opportunity to pursue their interests and do the things they love to do.
Many people believe a happy couple spends all of their time together. I have a friend whom I hadn’t seen for years, whose husband always posts happy pictures of them on Facebook, so I assumed she was happy. When I saw her recently, I learned the truth: she was miserable. She still loved her husband, but being with him every minute of every day was just too hard for her.
So appreciate the space your partner gives you to flourish, and give them space, too. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder!
10. They know importance of physical touch
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According to the health and wellness experts at Carl Todd Clinics, physical touch is a key to a happy life. When someone is not getting touched, they are experiencing something they call “physical touch starvation.” When this occurs, people can become depressed, anxious, and lonely. Obviously, in a relationship, this kind of starvation is not good.
Physical touch, including the type that isn't exclusively in the bedroom, produces “feel-good” chemicals in our body, like oxytocin and dopamine, ones that can help reduce loneliness and improve mental health.
High-value partners offer hugs or holding hands, or pats on the bum (if their partner enjoys that). All of these things create good feelings, ones that can only make a relationship better, so make sure you're reciprocating this to them, too!
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
