11 Things Unhappy People Love That Normal People Can't Stand
For people who are deeply unhappy, misery often loves more misery.
stockfour / Shutterstock Happiness is a mindset, but so is being unhappy, and the two often come with dramatically different behaviors. While happy people tend towards more positive connections, unhappy people frequently wallow in their misery. Because of this, there are several things unhappy people love that normal people can't stand.
Remember that birds of a feather flock together, and the more you stay in the energy of an unhappy person, the more unhappy you will become. The things that unhappy people tend to embrace are the very things that drain happy individuals. Constant complaining and playing the victim can get exhausting for normal people, but not for unhappy ones, as this behavior is tied to patterns that they can’t seem to shake.
Here are 11 things unhappy people love that normal people can't stand
1. Constant complaining
fizkes | Shutterstock
Chronic complainers do themselves no favors socially or physically as their constant complaining can cause isolation and lower self-esteem from always thinking negatively. Contestant complaining is a coping mechanism for unhappy people because it gives them an outlet to express dissatisfaction with their lives without directly addressing the cause. For them, it's not about venting but about seeking sympathy and validation for what they are going through.
To better yourself, you must get to the root of the problem. If not, then you will continue the pattern. Identifying the root cause of your complaints and redirecting your energy to constructive outlets can break the bad habit of chronic complaining. The real problem is that a complainer will rarely change because they will always focus on the negative parts of life instead of being optimistic.
2. Playing the victim
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Some people consistently seek recognition as victims so that they can feel morally superior and show limited empathy. It's a personality trait for them, and normal people can't stand it because they think everyone should be held accountable for their actions. People who stick to victimhood feel as if they don't have to abide by the same rules as everyone else.
It's better to remind unhappy people who play the victim that not everyone is out to get them. Not taking accountability for the role that you played can make others not want to deal with you at all. Growth starts with owning your part in the story, no matter how bad it is, instead of rewriting it to make yourself look good.
3. Gossip and drama
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Unhappy people love gossip and drama because they offer a temporary distraction from their own dissatisfaction in their lives. By focusing on other people's missteps, they avoid looking at their own. Positive gossip reinforces norms and builds cohesion, but negative or status-motivated gossip can harm trust and lower psychological safety.
Gossip can destroy people's reputations and can make people feel like they're walking on eggshells. This mistrust is bred from the idea that everyone is listening and anyone can spill your secrets at any given moment. What starts off as a coping mechanism can spiral into a full-blown habit. Next thing you know, they are on the phone every single day talking to someone else about others.
4. Comparing themselves to others
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
Comparing what others have to what you lack can make your worth dependent on how others perceive you. It doesn't feel good to be in a place where you constantly make yourself feel worthless because others are doing better than you. Unhappy people will think about themselves in the oddest ways, like when someone is being celebrated for something they have achieved.
While happy people might feel a little slighted, they remind themselves that it's okay to be happy for someone else because they are not running in the same race. In time, they will get their own victories, and hopefully, that individual will celebrate with them. Until then, focusing on yourself and your attributes is the easiest way to stop comparing yourself to other people.
5. Holding grudges
F01 PHOTO | Shutterstock
Unhappy people find comfort in holding on to grudges because it means that they can replay old wounds and create a narrative in which they are always the wronged party. Being unforgiving or holding grudges can increase depressive symptoms in adults. This means they may sit there ruminating on past experiences or even regrets that they had and hold onto them without appropriately expressing how they feel.
Forgiveness isn't easy and requires the person to be in a more positive mindset, which is a rarity for unhappy people. A grudge gives them a sense of control in a world that feels unpredictable or unfair. Letting go might feel like letting someone get away with what they have done, which they can't tolerate.
6. Toxic relationships
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Toxic relationships can ruin your self-esteem and self-worth, but unhappy people enjoy the chaos. These types of relationships can offer a twisted sense of validation and attention. Being in the thick of the chaos means that they never let their guard down and go through life unable to relax. It's a dark situation to be in, but some of them keep going back because of the dopamine hit it gives them.
On the other hand, the toxic relationship could be the catalyst for why they are so unhappy to begin with. Healthy people seek stability and peace in their connections, but for those caught in unhappy cycles, toxicity is often pursued more than a stable relationship. Breaking free requires more than leaving a partner. It means confronting the worst parts of who they are.
7. Negative self-talk
Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock
Talking negatively about yourself is another sign of an unhappy person. They are constantly at war with themselves over little decisions that they make in their everyday lives. Some will even tell others, hoping that they will cater to their emotional needs by saying positive things about them. There are ways to get unstuck from this pattern.
Becoming more confident in your approach can help you overcome negative thoughts about yourself. Trying new styles or new places can get you out of the house and help you start thinking more positively again. Unhappy people can turn things around if they are willing to try new things.
8. Fear of change
fizkes | Shutterstock
Despite feeling stuck or dissatisfied, unhappy people actually prefer the familiar over the unknown. Change, even when it promises relief, can be overwhelming for them because it brings uncertainty. They are accustomed to knowing what is coming because they often place their negative emotions onto people.
When it's done to them, they feel as if they're losing control of their lives. This is why when people talk negatively about you, and then you do it to them, they feel slighted. They can fathom how you can treat them as they have been treating you. Normal people fear change as well, but they adapt to it rather than stand there and complain about it.
9. Overconsumption of negative media
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock
Social media has had a bad stigma around it due to its effects on everyone's mental well-being, and for good reason. Exposure to polarizing content can have negative effects on one's mental state. Constantly comparing your life or body to others can lower your self-esteem and make you feel worthless. However, this overconsumption of negativity couldn't be possible without an audience that enthusiastically participates in it.
Unhappy, negative people will often go on social media to let out their frustrations because they can't, for some reason, do it in their own homes. For them, it offers a sense of engagement without requiring personal vulnerability. You can simply remain anonymous, say whatever negative thing you want, and never reap any consequences. It's the perfect place for an unhappy person.
10. Seeking validation
fizkes | Shutterstock
Unhappy people seek external validation as a substitute for inner confidence. Instead of trusting their own judgments, they rely heavily on the opinions of others to feel worthy and successful. However, their approval of their insecurity can feel temporary because it was never about how others see them, but how they see themselves.
Validation of certain painful emotions, particularly shame and sadness, can improve a person's mental state. Unlike normal people who validate others' emotions, unhappy people will chase validation and, paradoxically, have less genuine connections with the people around them. Learning to self-validate through hard reflection and inner alignment is the only way to get out of your unhappy state.
11. Avoiding responsibility
Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock
As unhappy people play the victims, they will often say or do things that let them slide by on fulfilling the responsibilities that they signed up for. They might deflect tasks or throw consequences onto the laps of others, believing that it protects them from failure and criticism. However, this avoidance causes them to miss opportunities that they should be present for. Important milestones with family often become an afterthought.
This is because unhappy people are more sensitive to frequent losses and will avoid them even if the overall outcome swings to their benefit. Due to their low self-esteem, they will see a loss in the most mundane places, and even the smallest thing can trigger them into running away. Normal people step up when it is required of them. They don't throw stones and then hide their hands.
Sylvia Ojeda is a screenplay writer and journalist who covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest stories.
