11 Ways Teachers Can Instantly Tell When A Kid In Their Class Wasn't Raised Right
Teachers see it all, including when their kids aren't getting what they need at home.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock While misbehaving students and disrespectful kids tend to be painted with a broadly negative stroke, experts from the Child Mind Institute suggest that these behaviors often stem from neglect, unmet needs, and childhood trauma at home. It’s not simply about personal choice, character, or personality; many of the unfavorable experiences they have in classrooms and with teachers are symptoms of their parents’ failures or an unstable home life.
There are many ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right, but it’s hardly the fault of the kids themselves, but rather a nuanced blend of trauma, internal emotional struggle, and neglect. From social skills to misbehavior and even procrastination, many kids don’t thrive in traditional classrooms and educational institutions because they were set up to fail.
Here are 11 ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right:
1. They never say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’
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One of the ways teachers can instantly tell when a child in their class wasn’t raised right is when they lack basic manners and empathetic gestures, such as saying “please” and “thank you.” Oftentimes, this stems from a self-centeredness or entitlement that’s cultivated at home, encouraging them to expect and demand things without offering up gratitude or appreciation in return.
Of course, as the National Education Association suggests, kids can learn basic manners, such as expressing gratitude to their teachers. Still, if they’re subjected to the opposite at home or even celebrated for acting in an entitled fashion, they’re less likely to truly digest them.
2. They view mistakes as failures
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Many students struggle to build self-esteem, accept responsibility for their actions, and personally grow when they grow up in an environment with unrealistic expectations for success. If a child’s parents make them feel bad for every slip-up they make and refuse to cultivate a mindset where mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth, their kids’ self-esteem can be quickly undermined.
Whether it’s getting a bad grade on an assignment in the classroom or feeling rejected by classmates, these children have been taught to believe it’s a problem with them when something goes wrong. They not only avoid taking responsibility out of fear, they take dramatic measures — from blame-shifting to guilt-tripping others — to prevent the discomfort of perceived failure.
3. They talk back
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Talking back is one of the ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right. Whether it’s refusing to follow instructions, name-calling a teacher, throwing tantrums, or disrespecting authority, these kids often yearn for a sense of control and autonomy over their lives, regardless of how toxic it may be at school.
When they feel like they have little independence or control at home, whether it’s a toxic and unstable home structure or an overbearing parent, these children claim it in sometimes obnoxious ways in the classroom.
According to neuropsychologist Dr. Sam Goldstein, challenging authority at home or in the classroom can build trust and help children develop their sense of individuality. Still, when it’s taken too far — to the point of consistent disrespect or poor emotional regulation — it’s no longer constructive.
4. They’re mean to other kids
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For many people, but especially kids, experiencing unmet needs, expectations, or emotional support at home, can lead to a lot of emotional turmoil and anger, according to a study from the Depression Research and Treatment journal. When they don’t feel heard, valued, or supported at home, they come to school feeling irritable, angry, and resentful, which is why they resort to bullying or cruel behavior.
It’s one of the ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right, because it’s hardly ever an attention-seeking behavior that’s innocent, but a malicious way to seize control, feel powerful, and cope with the unmet needs they’re experiencing at home.
5. They destroy or steal classroom materials
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Whether it’s drawing on desks, breaking classroom supplies, or taking other students’ property, many kids who struggle with respecting material things at school struggle to follow boundaries and set aside their impulses for the sake of respect. Even if it’s not their property, kids who were raised right — to respect boundaries, take responsibility, and regulate their own emotions — respect other people’s things.
However, vandalism and a general sense of carelessness about material property and possessions are one of the ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right. They’re either coping with emotional turmoil and trying to find an outlet, or have generally been failed by their parents when it comes to respect and responsibility.
6. They try to manipulate the teachers
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Manipulating teachers and trying to pit people against each other are two ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right. They use phrases like “well, she lets us do it” or “in their classroom we can” to justify misbehavior and manipulate their teachers, rather than simply obeying instructions and respecting authority.
Of course, children should feel empowered to speak their minds and advocate for themselves. Still, if they consistently overlook a teacher’s healthy authority and try to use manipulation to get what they want, chances are they’re not setting themselves up to feel more empowered.
7. They're desperate for attention
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By bragging, comparing themselves to others, acting out for laughs, and even flaunting their parents’ wealth and material possessions, attention-seeking students often develop this behavior as a way to cope with feelings of insecurity at home.
Whether their parents generally overlook their emotional needs at home — causing them to seek validation and attention at school — or cultivate a sense of entitlement where they feel consistently pressured to receive it, it’s one of the ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right.
8. They’re not motivated
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Many children who lack emotional support, motivation, or praise at home from their parents struggle with internal motivation at school. They’re yearning to feel encouraged and praised for what they excel at, yet struggle with actually putting in the work to produce something of value.
Often, behaviors like procrastination, making excuses, and blaming others for a lack of self-discipline are the ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right. However, it’s also a case of lacking self-esteem that these kids tend to learn from their parents, according to psychiatrist Dr. Lea Lis, which contributes to their poor motivation and discipline.
9. They refuse to apologize
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According to a study published in the Children's Journal, children often learn empathy from their parents or through social interactions and modeled behavior early in life. Whether it’s putting themselves in another person’s shoes, offering kindness and encouragement, or making an effort to comfort someone in a problematic situation, empathy is incredibly important for kids’ social and personal development.
However, lacking it and instead being grossly self-centered is one of the ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right. Whether they were given an unrealistic sense of ego or superiority by their parents or taught to dislike people different from themselves, a lack of empathy sabotages their ability to grow, bond, and connect with others.
Even subtle behaviors, like apologizing to someone after hurting their feelings, are an example of empathy, because you’re able to set aside your discord, embarrassment, or opinions and emotionally support someone.
10. They gossip or stir up drama
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Many kids who bully others or gossip about peers behind their backs are seeking the attention, power, and superiority they don’t have at home. Whether it’s unmet needs, an overbearing parent, or emotional neglect, they tend to cope with parental failures by grasping at misguided control at school.
Similar to avoiding accountability and disrespecting other people’s things, it’s a discussion of lacking empathy, and of course, one of the ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right.
11. They have no sense of boundaries with adults
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Students who feel like they can overshare with their teachers, disregard their authority, talk back, or overstep boundaries may be coping with unresolved trauma or a tumultuous home life. If they don’t feel emotionally supported or close with their parents, they could be seeking that kind of relationship with a teacher, even in inappropriate situations.
It’s one of the ways teachers can instantly tell when a kid in their class wasn’t raised right, because they’re seeking out the support, love, affection, and sometimes respect that they’re not getting at home.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
