These 4 Work Behaviors Felt Normal — Until They Nearly Burned Me Out
I thought I was being a good employee but I was slowly running myself into the ground.
Dean Drobot | Canva Toxic workplaces are, sadly, all too common. I should know — I’ve been in three in the last decade. I realize that in our culture, there is a temptation to call everything toxic, diminishing the word's impact.
But after reviewing my past work experiences, I realized that I wasn’t overreacting as I initially thought I was—they were unhealthy work cultures, and I was wise to get out (or get fired, as was the case with one of them).
According to The Muse, a job search and advice site, A toxic work environment is one where negative behaviors — such as manipulation, bullying, yelling, and so on — are so intrinsic to the culture of the organization that a lack of productivity, a lack of trust, high stress levels, infighting, and discrimination become the norm.
Reading their list, I was struck by how many toxic workplace dynamics I witnessed or dealt with firsthand. And it doesn’t always have to look like someone screaming at you over the spreadsheets either — passive-aggressive behavior, like “forgetting” to help a coworker or pointing fingers at employees for mistakes instead of providing solutions, can also contribute to a toxic workplace.
Ultimately, experiencing so much drama and needless red tape, coupled with my re-affirmed ADHD diagnosis and coordinating lack of focus, made me never want to work a 9–5 again.
These four work behaviors felt normal until they nearly burned me out:
1. There was poor communication, and nobody knew what was expected of them
This is the biggest red flag and perhaps more common than we think. According to a Gallup poll, amere 13% of employees strongly agree that the leadership of their organization communicates effectively with the rest of the organization.
Lack of clarity can frustrate employees and managers alike. Employees may not know what they should be doing, and managers may get upset because they don’t intuitively understand their responsibilities.
One workplace where I interned had departments across the hall from each other that wouldn’t communicate. They would each publish a schedule for the same event, and both would have contradicting information.
My responsibilities at my short-lived ad agency job were not communicated, so I struggled to determine what I should do. My promised “training” was truncated, and the onus was on me to figure out what I needed to know to do my job effectively. Unsurprisingly, I couldn’t and was fired after less than two months.
I could try to impose systems to fix these communication gaps or do the work myself, but doing so could lead to burnout, as I would have to work twice as hard to understand what I should be doing.
Communication is the most important factor in a workplace. If you don’t have it, working there will be exceedingly difficult.
2. There were workplace cliques
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I’ve dealt with them at school and in sports, but the worst form is at work. VeryWell Mind names the five signs of workplace cliques:
I’ve dealt with all five as a staff member and coach at a gym. It all started when a beloved manager left, and a new one came in. Some gym members didn’t like her and formed a clique.
The gym owner needed more coaches after the first manager left, so they sponsored me to earn my Coaching certification. Becoming a coach would put a bigger target on my back. I was no longer just the woman cleaning the gym and supervising open gym — I became someone to be neutralized.
Soon, it became clear that this clique had all the power. They became coaches and used that power to get the new manager to quit. Then, the owner’s best friend, the second-in-command, became the de facto manager. In weekly staff meetings, any suggestions they didn’t like were discounted. I tried to suggest different types of classes and eventually gave up when I realized my input wasn’t valued.
To her credit, the gym owner tried to make me part of the clique, bringing me to exclusive parties with her. But I was too socially awkward to fit in. After that, I noticed that the clique would spend most of their weekends together, excluding other gym members and staff.
Eventually, the gossiping and bullying started. I heard through the grapevine (which I’m sure was intentional) that ‘no one liked my training style;’ when I addressed the issue with other staff at a meeting and offered to stop coaching, they gaslighted me, pretending that they hadn’t heard that — even though they were the ones fueling the feedback.
They wanted to keep me because I was useful enough — in addition to cleaning the gym three times a week, I also coached the undesirable 7 am class at least once a week (often whenever no one else wanted to). This was difficult because I struggled with insomnia and frequently didn’t get enough sleep.
My social anxiety made dealing with large groups challenging, and I didn’t fit the “gym rat” role they wanted and expected. The clique members made faces at me when I was coaching, trying to make me feel worse than I already did. And yet, they expected me to fill in for other coaches and even stick around on Thanksgiving so the boiler could be fixed.
In retrospect, I might not have been cut out for coaching, even though I was an athlete, a frequent gym member, and pursuing a Master’s Degree in Fitness and Wellness Leadership. But instead of being bullied, I should have been supported into another role that would have suited me better.
I wasn’t the only one being mocked. The clique members had a group chat in which they mocked other members’ appearances. It was real mean girl behavior.
Eventually, I quit and told one of the clique members why via text. I didn’t see why I should continue to be “on call” and help them as a staff member and coach if I wasn’t appreciated. A few months later, COVID happened, so I got out just in time.
Incidentally, nothing lasts forever — most of them moved away, so the group collapsed. Although it was a difficult situation, there was a bright side. I learned to spot the tell-tale signs of cliques and avoided workplaces with such situations in the future.
If you see this behavior in your workplace, run, don’t walk, and get out of there. It’s not worth your sanity.
3. I wasn't feeling heard
Another red flag at work is not being heard. Studies suggest that not being listened to can lead to decreased productivity, job dissatisfaction, low commitment, burnout, or even seeking work with another organization they believe will value them.
This is why, after one day working at my last role, I quit. I had repeatedly told them I had schedule conflicts on weekends, yet they scheduled me … on weekends.
Additionally, despite telling them my schedule couldn’t conflict with an internship (across the street) and giving them the times I couldn’t work, that’s when they scheduled me. I could either report to work and get paid, but not make my internship times, or prioritize my internship and try to get work to change my schedule. I did the former, losing my dream internship in the process.
When I tried to address it with management, they essentially said, ‘if you don’t like it, leave’. So I did. I wasn’t the only one — another woman in my department also left when she received her workplace materials and realized she wouldn’t be getting paid what had been promised in the job posting. She had also only worked for one day.
I still feel guilty about the way I left, but I couldn’t work when they wanted, and they were unwilling to work with me, so it was the only option.
Communicate what you need; if you are not heard repeatedly, that is a manager or workplace problem, not yours.
4. People were leaving often without notice, and there was high turnover
Miljan Zivkovic / Shutterstock
If more people are leaving than staying, that’s a red flag. According to Forbes, it’s a symptom of a more significant problem in the company’s culture. Employees might not feel heard, get burned out quickly, not receive enough compensation, or struggle with the leadership.
I’ll never forget when I started working at the ad agency and met two dynamic ad execs. I wanted to be like those women with high heels and designer purses. They swanned in and out of the office like they owned the place, and from what I could tell, most of their job was schmoozing clients.
In the six weeks I was there, they left without notice. One of them even left some stuff in her office. It was like they couldn’t take it anymore and left. They weren’t replaced.
Then, shortly after I was fired, I met several others who, at one time or another, had worked at the same agency. They also weren’t there for long. I was never clear on whether they were fired or left on their own, but there seemed to be more turnover than usual. One might be an outlier, but more than that starts to indicate a pattern.
It’s worth asking (if you can) why people left. And if the pattern continues, know it might be a good idea to get out. They might know something you don’t.
My biggest takeaway was that I am not cut out for full-time, 9–5 in-person jobs. I just can’t do it. My ADHD, which I didn’t know about back then, makes it nearly impossible to focus and function for 8 hours every day.
That’s why I was fired from one job and quit several others. My longest job was three years, but it worked because it mostly had some flexibility, until I gave my notice at the end.
I also can’t stand the bureaucracy that seems to come with most traditional workplaces. So, I’ve focused on building my businesses and working for myself.
My second most significant takeaway is that you shouldn’t get desperate. I know that’s easier said than done, especially if you are struggling financially (and who isn’t these days?). But if you are desperate, you are more willing to settle for bad situations, like toxic workplaces.
Also, it’s good to know yourself and what you need. Do you need a job with a lot of hands-on management experience? Do you need any accommodations for disabilities?
It’s good to bring these things up at the interview beforeyou get the job, so it’s on the table. Granted, they can promise you something and not deliver, but at least you clarified your needs.
Remember, as much as you need a job, companies often need an employee just as much. Advocate for yourself and know what you want, need, and are willing to accept. If a workplace doesn’t offer what you need or does for a while and then stops, you should probably consider leaving.
No job is worth your mental health.
Christie Sausa is a writer, athlete, and performer. She has contributed to various local, regional, and national publications, been featured in global ad campaigns as a figure and speed skater, and appeared as a background actor in various television shows like The Deuce and The Gilded Age.
