From A Boomer To Every Millennial: 11 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me At Your Age
Welcome to the club, and enjoy the ride.
Amin Zand Miralvand | Unsplash Dear Millennial,
There are so many things to share with you, but you probably won’t listen until it’s too late, which is fine because what is the journey of life without figuring out your truth? It’s just that some things are universal, and I wish previous generations had passed on some of their pearls of wisdom to me.
Because I know your attention span is a little shorter than mine — same problem, different reasons — I’ve listed the main points. I will also note that we do have some things in common.
We, Boomers, were called the 'me' generation, and they have referred to you, the Millennials, as the 'me, me, me’ generation. This is kind of amusing unless you’re from the Greatest Generation, who fought in World War II, and then you probably think both Millennials and Baby Boomers are ridiculous and whiny. We also have a very close rapport since most Millennials have Boomers as parents.
From a Boomer to a Millennial, here are the things I wish someone had told me at your age:
1. What makes you young now will mark you as old later
Although you’re not known to be particularly materialistic or possessive, you will spend from now until you’re 45–50 curating your taste and finding out what works for you. It will be everything from organic pulp-free orange juice to the jeans you think fit best, to your perfume (or musk oil) and the car you drive (or don’t), to your brand of kombucha the music you think is awesome.
But at some point, you’ll discover that those very choices you think are about a) you and b) you being young will mark you as a sample of a generation no longer in its prime. When that happens, you will indeed be middle-aged, which is a good thing because it will mean you are still here.
At any rate, since to be from your generation or mine means that you are eternally identified with being oh-so-cool (dare we call it ‘hip’?) You won’t want to accept it, or you’ll insist you’re different than your peers. But trust me on this, when that happens, you’ll be at another place in your life, whether you still feel like twenty-five inside or not.
Plus, you’ll hum Drake, Harry Styles, or Imagine Dragons, and your kids will roll their eyes or say, "Oh, for god’s sake, no more Arcade Fire and all that old stuff!" Today’s Ed Sheeran will one day be (at least to your children) Barry Manilow.
As for the stuff you curated as your unique taste, well, at first, you’ll demand the same things, only to find that they are out of stock, and then you realize they no longer sell the same jeans or lipstick or your circa 2017 perfume. Then you’ll look to Ebay (if it still exists) and scout out the last of the last of whatever it is and pay double or triple for something whose only value is your clinging to its nostalgia.
If you do find your discontinued perfume, it will also not smell as you remember, and/or younger people (like your kids) will say you smell like a grandmother. So now what made you young is but a marker for a stubborn middle-aged person that hasn’t noticed the world pass by, while you were probably raising kids and holding down jobs and mortgages.
2. The older you are, the more beautiful you feel, but fewer will notice
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Another irony (especially for women): Just when you feel your absolute most beautiful for the first time in your life, you will concurrently notice that men no longer notice you.
On a perfect hair day, with a great outfit when you just know you look great, it will never be enough because the strange thing is that while it took 30 years to get comfortable being innately, intimately, indelibly womanly and feminine — those 30 years also transformed you from the ingénue to a sage.
True, you won’t care as much, especially if you have a lover or caring partner, but the disparity in how you feel inside and how you see yourself alongside the lessened response of the male world is significant. Oh, and? You will begin to realize that Style magazine has all these features on ‘What to Wear, at 20, 30, 40, and 50.”
Clearly, after sixty, clothing designers and manufacturers don’t see or care about you, and/or you will be used for land fill or (if you’ve taken care of yourself) pharma commercials or condo ads. (Don’t do it unless they pay you a zillion dollars.) Otherwise, walk proudly, keep moving, echo the styles of the day but with your sensibility, and don’t believe anyone or anything that suggests that you are not only beautiful but more beautiful than you’ve ever been.
As for men, you too will get more attractive, although only your female peers might notice. Your wisdom, experience, and humor are like catnip to women your age. We are also viscerally attracted to your gray hair (or none), sun-weathered forearms, and experience. Need I say more?
3. Health = youth + luck + genes + a little self-care
From the get-go, your health has some component of luck in it, along with youth and genes. As you get older, it’s still luck, genes, and how you take care of yourself.
Your collateral in this equation is to keep moving, eat and sleep well, and don’t stop being intimate, even if it’s just cuddling, but you get the point. The thing about moving is that being slim doesn’t mean you’re in a state of fitness, regardless of your age.
So, keep moving. It’s a joyous thing; it keeps you limber, provides extra energy and endorphins and staves off all sorts of yucky things. You are never off the hook when it comes to exercise.
It doesn’t have to be a marathon, but you gotta keep doing something, and there’s simply no excuse. So do wrist bends or wheelchair yoga if you have to, but always be doing something.
4. As you age, energy dwindles, but so does drama
You might lose a bit of energy but you get to keep your passions if you’ve always had them. You will be calmer. I tell you this from someone who was relatively high strung and always ready for the good fight.
The drama fades, so does the anxiety and self-doubt. It takes a lot more to ruffle your feathers. Now, I am not sure that’s a fair exchange for the energy drain but it’s something.
You will also learn about grace, and stuff like gossip will lose its appeal. So will sitcoms. Instead, you’ll hunger for substance in your food, your friendships, your work, your films, and your books. You begin to realize that so much counts for so little and so little counts for so much.
5. Each good choice = integrity
One day, you’ll realize that every good choice, small or big, has added up to a decent life and also no small amount of integrity. It wasn’t for nothing. Nothing you will learn is ever for nothing. So just try making one good choice after another. You’ll also sleep better at night.
6. Life gets more beautiful
Simple things like seasons changing, a baby’s smile, a stray violin playing out an open window on a summer day, the taste of roasted corn, the smell of coffee, or the softness of a new Ikea comforter all seem remarkable. It’s like being on acid — it is.
Colours become extra gorgeous, sunsets seem like miracles, a kitten purring, a smile from a stranger become extraordinary events. It takes less and less to make you happier and happier. I know — it’s Hallmark but it’s true and unlike drugs (even good ones), it costs like …nothing. Just time put in. It’s a real silver lining. It also makes you seem a bit like a flake or dimwit but who cares.
7. You can still fall in love, no matter the age
Falling in love? You can be 50, 60, or 90, and trust me, if you find yourself single at that point for whatever reason, you will still be giddy and nervous.
I am happy (and humbled) to report that as long as your heart is beating, it will also flutter at the touch of another, someone asking you to dance (okay, so it might be at a bar mitzvah instead of a flash mob swing dance) or a man bringing your flowers or a woman smiling. The fundamental things still apply.
Hunger and sweetness don’t alter unless you were a passionflower in your youth. Hormones can only take you so far. A hungry heart that yearns … goes the distance.
8. Be who you are and know where you are
fizkes / Shutterstock
Accept who and what you are. Don’t try and be forty at sixty or thirty at fifty. The strain of holding onto different (possibly favorite) versions of eras of you only shows unattractive psychic stretch marks.
Grace and self-acceptance are attractive. Plus, we all have our turn being young, so when you’re an older millennial, try and be nice. Don’t compete with your 20-something kids. It’s bad for you; it sucks for them. Be who you are when you’re there.
9. The things you love will likely still be the things you love
If you danced at twenty, don’t stop dancing at sixty. Do everything you love in whatever ways you can, but never, ever let go or stop.
The body ages, the memory can suck but your soul and spirit are inviolate and still count. So feed them. Remember that you still matter, as long as you’re here, that still holds. Chances are, you’re connected to people around you, i.e., family and friends, and in the end, that’s the most and least we can expect when it comes to feeling relevant or valued.
There will always be times when the world can make any of us invisible or irrelevant. It’s never true, and don’t ever buy into that. As long as you have a soul, you count/you matter, and you have a seat at the table.
10. Don’t compare yourself
Ever since Cain and Abel, human beings have always compared themselves and competed. Sometimes it makes you feel better, and other times, it makes you feel worse.
Now more than ever, with everyone’s life highlights online to compare yourself with, it’s bound to make some of you (us) feel bad. That’s not a you thing — that’s a human eternal thing. So I am telling you now, just drop it. Go inside yourself and know who you are.
11. You are never alone
Instagram and YouTube and a zillion apps are there to remind you that you’re never alone (even if you feel it) but whatever you feel (i.e. that you belong or you don’t), whether you write it, telephone someone and talk about it or shoot an emoji to someone to convey a feeling — trust me: someone else has felt that way too.
You might make the mistake of thinking there’s a reason you feel alone, but that sensation, barring any particular generational impact (like the disconnection of people who thumb/text and otherwise swipe away their lives), is a universal part of the human condition. Welcome to that club and enjoy the ride.
Marcy Goldman is a Julia Child award-winning cookbook author who also writes on tango and other subjects. She’s been featured in the New York Times, Washington Post, Huffington Post, Martha Stewart Sirius, and is a global contributor to Costco Connection.
