If You've Started Outgrowing Everyone Around You, You’ll Recognize These 11 Signs
How to know when it's time to leave your old life behind.
Benevolente82 | Shutterstock Embracing change is often uncomfortable, awkward, and anxiety-inducing, even when the result is beautiful and comforting. To truly change, we need to step outside our comfort zones and welcome challenges, which demands support and self-awareness.
If you’ve started outgrowing everyone around you, you’ll simultaneously recognize who’s helping and who’s hurting your progress toward change. Growth happens personally, but the kinds of friendships and relationships in our lives can either grow with us or actively work against our journey. By recognizing the signs that we’re outgrowing people no longer meant for us, it doesn’t have to be a discussion of toxicity — they could be good people — it’s a discussion of what we’re willing to tolerate and what kinds of value we’re looking for in future relationships.
If you’ve started outgrowing everyone around you, you’ll recognize these 11 signs:
1. Your boundaries seem to bother everyone
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If you’re around people who don’t respect or care enough to support you, chances are they’ll be combative when you try to set boundaries. Whether saying “no” to social events, prioritizing solitude, or refusing to gossip in conversations, it's always an argument when you set boundaries around the wrong people.
According to experts from the University of California — Davis Health, setting boundaries is essential for your mental health and wellbeing, so if they’re not being respected or supported by the people in your life, it could be one of the signs you’re outgrowing everyone around you.
2. Surface-level conversations feel draining
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When you’re starting to drift away from friends and outgrow everyone around you, chances are you’ll feel annoyed, drained, and irritable in the face of superficial conversations. Most people yearn for deeper, more meaningful relationships as they get older, so it’s not entirely surprising that the people incapable of having vulnerable conversations and supporting a deeper level of connection tend to fade from your life over time.
If you’ve started outgrowing everyone around you, you’ll be able to notice the kinds of people who drain your energy. Whether it’s gossip, negativity, or an aura of superficiality, sometimes it’s healthier to leave people who drain you in the past, so you have more time and energy to invest in healthier, more fulfilling interactions.
3. You value growth, they value comfort
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When you’re in a stage of your life where you’re accepting challenges and change for the benefit of self-growth, having people in your life with limiting mindsets can feel disheartening and frustrating. Getting out of your comfort zone isn’t easy, but embracing growth and changing your life is often required.
When your friends encourage you to stay in your comfort zone and even demonize you for doing things, meeting people, and trying new things, that could be one of the signs that you’ve outgrown them and need a better support system.
4. You feel alone around others
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Marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein argues that we’ve all been instilled with a misguided belief that our relationships are supposed to last forever. When we outgrow friends or decide to end an intimate relationship, this belief encourages us to adopt guilt and shame, but it’s a natural part of life.
When we feel lonely around people who’re supposed to support us and like an “expired version of ourselves,” as Epstein adds, when we’re around close friends, those relationships are no longer adding value to our lives. They may be sabotaging our personal growth.
If you’ve started outgrowing everyone around you, don’t be frightened by the solitude and loneliness that come from being around people who no longer add value. Allow it to enlighten and empower you to find relationships that do—we can learn from these uncomfortable moments and experiences if we’re open to change and challenge.
5. Your values and goals don’t align anymore
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It’s more than possible to have relationships with people with differing values, opinions, or perspectives from you. Sometimes, having a diverse social circle can be incredibly empowering and enlightening. However, when your goals and values significantly differ from those around you, it can cause confusion, spark conflict, and make you feel isolated in moments where you should feel uplifted and loved.
Sometimes, outgrowing people means setting boundaries with them. Maybe you no longer talk about politics or parenting choices with them. Possibly, it means ending a relationship where you don’t feel empowered to achieve goals that the other person doesn’t appreciate or agree with.
6. There’s no safe space for conflict
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According to a study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. That's why it’s crucial for close friends, partners, and peers to craft safe spaces for conversations, even when they feel uncomfortable. Without a safe space to argue, resolve conflicts, or express needs and concerns, everyone feels unheard and unsupported.
If you’ve started outgrowing everyone around you, chances are you’ve struggled to find a safe space for open and honest conversations in these relationships. You may feel pressure to suppress your emotions or withdraw from conversations where you feel misunderstood repeatedly.
7. You prefer solitude over socializing
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Many people prefer solitude over socializing, whether they’re an introvert or not, to leverage self-reflection, time for hobbies, and even emotional regulation in their alone time. But if you’re consistently avoiding socializing with peers and friends, feeling unheard or misunderstood in their presence, chances are you’re outgrowing them.
You should feel empowered to rely on your friends and family for support, in addition to the time spent healing and growing in solitude. If you’re not, chances are it’s time for you to find a new social circle.
8. Your friends are envious of you
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It’s human nature to feel jealous of others, even if it’s your partner or a close friend. However, according to a study published in the Psychology & Marketing journal, too much jealousy or envy can quickly sabotage a relationship, making people resentful and frustrated for sharing their accomplishments.
If you’ve outgrown your social circle or are in the process of doing so, chances are you feel strange talking about your success or sharing your goals. Don’t ignore this feeling — the people who aren’t supporting and celebrating your success consistently are the same people bringing negative energy into your life.
9. You seek out newness
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When you’ve started to outgrow the people in your circle, chances are you’re yearning for connections and relationships that add value to your life. Whether it’s emotional support, mentorship, or experience, part of the reason we outgrow people in our lives is that we’re looking for different things, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel.
When the people around you have no support to share or knowledge to bestow, it can feel limiting and frustrating to have a growth mindset in their company. Of course, your friends don’t need to be beacons of intelligence or mentors to cultivate healthy connections with them, but they should be empowering and supportive when you’re ready to make a change.
10. You’re drawn to finding purpose
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Studies show that people who find purpose and have deeper meaning in their lives tend to live longer, healthier lives. Yet, it’s still uncomfortable, frustrating, and sometimes exhausting trying to find that purpose, especially when you’re around the wrong people.
Finding meaning can feel equally uncomfortable and exciting with the right friends and family members. You have friends who try new things with you, parents who empower you to experiment, or peers who celebrate you for making mistakes at work. However, when you’ve outgrown the people in your life, chances are you’re drawn to finding purpose without support from your friends and family.
11. You’re the therapist friend
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If you’ve outpaced your friend group regarding self-awareness or emotional intelligence, chances are you’ve been coined “the mom” or “the therapist” of your inner circle.
To some capacity, there’s nothing wrong with supporting your friends or giving out advice — that’s the foundation of a healthy relationship — but when your needs go unaddressed or they’re unable to provide the same for you, it can fuel resentment and disconnection.
If you’ve started outgrowing everyone in your life, chances are your relationships have an unbalanced dynamic — either you’re giving too much to other people or they’re taking without celebrating or offering help to you.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
