11 Phrases You'll Hear From Someone Who's About To Leave You But Hasn't Said It Yet
Their behaviors and actions say everything they're thinking.
Just Life | Shutterstock When someone is about to leave a relationship, they likely won't demonstrate obvious signs or flat out declare that they are checking out. Instead, they may use words or phrases that subtly reveal their indifference, distance and quiet resignation. They likely want to avoid conflict and disconnect peacefully since they have already emotionally left the relationship.
Because they're dreading having to have that conversation, they sneakily verbalize their disconnect. The various phrases you'll hear from someone who's about to leave but hasn't said it yet are meant to distance themselves from their partner, without revealing their true intentions, though heir physical presence will not change anything in the end.
Here are 11 phrases you'll hear from someone who's about to leave you but hasn't said it yet
1. 'I feel like I'm the only one trying'
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A relationship where only one partner is consistently investing their time, energy and emotional labor without receiving any reciprocation is bound to fail.
A genuine relationship relies on equal teamwork from both partners where they make the effort to plan date nights, surprise each other with romantic gestures, and tell each other how appreciative they are of one another.
When just one partner is carrying all of the emotional load of the relationship on their shoulders with no change, they may start to mentally check out.
"In one-sided relationships, you're likely to feel anxious, empty, lonely, misunderstood, insecure, or afraid to rock the boat," licensed clinical psychologist Amy Mezulis, PhD shared. "How your relationship makes you feel is the most important red flag."
This red flag may be just enough for a person who has had enough of keeping a relationship running entirely on their own, and will use one of the phrases you'll hear from someone who's about to leave but hasn't said it yet.
2. 'Things aren't how they used to be'
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When people reminisce about how their relationships used to be, it could signal their deep unhappiness for what it has become in the present. If their eyes well up and drift to the side, they may be hinting at their dissatisfaction with their current reality.
Maybe their emotional needs are no longer being met. Maybe their partner never laughs with them anymore. Maybe all of the love and affection has dissipated. Whatever valuable thing has been lost in the relationship, it's often significant enough for someone to dwell on it deeply, especially when they're nearing the decision to leave.
They may express this yearning to their partner to see if they will actually change and attempt to get back what has been lost. If they don't take the bait, they're out.
3. 'I've never felt so alone'
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Even when someone is in a relationship, it can feel as if they're entirely on their own. Loneliness in a relationship can stem from several factors, according to clinical psychologist Ami Rokach. "Loneliness may occur in relationships due to several reasons. People may have entered the relationship initially because they were lonely," she explained, adding that additional reasons include criticism, lack of trust, and taking one another for granted.
However, this loneliness often goes undetected in the honeymoon phase. As the relationship progresses, both partners may come to realize that being together does not make them feel any less alone, especially if they have different needs and communication styles.
No matter how the loneliness and isolation manifests in a relationship, it is enough for some people to be crushed by the lack of authenticity and emotional connection they believed they would gain. They may ultimately decide that walking away would be far less lonely.
4. 'I need to focus on myself right now'
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This is often an alternate version of "It's not you, it's me" people use as a relationship escape route. They want to let their partners down gently by assuring them that their decision is not rooted in any of their specific actions or behaviors, but rather that of their own.
When you are in a relationship and constantly prioritizing a partner's needs, there is a tendency to become completely absorbed into them, neglecting your own individual goals and desires.
"Many people do fine on their own, but once in a relationship, they start losing their autonomy, not make waves, and be with and please their partner," licensed marriage and family therapist Darlene Lancer shared.
While some relationships may help someone grow as a person, others may drain a person of who they once were. Once they realize this, they may yearn back for their sense of individuality again.
5. 'I've felt this way for a long time'
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When a person has had time to let their dissatisfaction simmer for a while, they may feel more compelled to leave. If they've held onto their feelings long enough, they may have already emotionally distanced themselves from their relationship. Now all they have to do is physically remove themselves.
They may tell their partners they've felt like this for a long time to soften the blow and justify their decision to leave. Other times, it may be a final warning to their partners to change their ways and make them feel seen and heard before they're gone for good.
6. 'This is survival, not love'
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Some people may stay in unloving relationships out of necessity. Maybe it's being unable to afford to live independently or parenting children together. However, one partner may begin to realize that the relationship is only being maintained by survival rather than love, and they may want more for themselves.
When there is no longer an emotional connection, intimacy, and deep conversations that are centered around love and not survival, it can feel more like having a roommate than a romantic partner.
According to relationship coach Tasha Seiter, when partners ask themselves how they got to this point, the answer is clear. "Instead of having the tough conversations, both partners have learned to shut down their own needs or become 'self-sufficient' instead of turning to each other for contact, care, and comfort. Over time, this has led to a pattern in which neither partner leans on the other for their attachment needs to be met, leaving both partners with unmet needs in the relationship," she revealed.
Partners should stay in their relationships when it is increasing their well-being, improving their self-esteem and they believe that they will be able to grow with their partners, not because they fear loneliness, financial security and judgment from others.
7. 'You're holding me back'
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Sometimes a romantic partner may hinder a person's personal growth through various problematic behaviors. They may be jealous of your achievements instead of celebrating them with you. They undermine your goals and discourage you from pursuing your dreams with subtle put downs or guilt.
Even if they may not be physically holding you back with their arms, their words and behaviors can be equally as effective to making you feel stuck in the relationship. The reality is that relationships are supposed to lift you up, not drag you down. Your partner should be one of your biggest cheerleaders.
However, if it feels like they're holding you in a place where growth isn't possible, you may eventually feel compelled to walk away.
8. 'This isn't what I pictured for my life'
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A person may hint at the fact that they are about to leave their relationship when they express a sense of misalignment between their current reality and their long-term hopes and dreams. By saying "This isn't what I pictured for my life," one of the phrases you'll hear from someone who's about to leave but hasn't said it yet, they are verbalizing their discontent.
They may have a specific vision for their life and where they want to be, and their current relationships may no longer fit into that picture. People may tell their partners this after repeated efforts and hopes for improvement to no avail, and they do not believe that things will get any better.
By getting in touch with their exact vision for their life and recognizing the fact that their current reality has veered off course, they are emotionally detaching themselves from the specific things that are getting in the way, even if it may be their relationship. When they start imagining getting their life back on track toward their vision, they already have one foot out the door.
9. 'You deserve better'
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While some people may interpret this phrase as a cop-out of a relationship, it can actually be sincere. A person who is unable to give an equal amount of effort to their partner, whether it be due to a demanding work schedule, poor mental health or just not having the same love for their partners as they do for them, may acknowledge these shortcomings to let their partners know that they are not to blame when they ultimately leave the relationship.
It's a way of stepping back without dragging the other person through more pain. They may also want their partners to see their own worth, even if it means having to leave them.
"I encourage all of my clients to keep three simple words in mind: Know your value. You are always the one who is in charge of knowing your own value," psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD shared.
"People who don't believe in themselves stay in bad relationships because they misguidedly think that having a partner tells the rest of the world that they are OK. But the problem is that they never look fully into what they believe is not so OK about themselves. And staying with the wrong person gets in the way of you seeing what is right — about you."
10. 'I don't know who I am anymore'
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In a relationship, it can become easy to lose touch with who you really are. As therapist John Kim revealed, "In relationships, we often hold back parts of ourselves — whether it's out of fear of conflict, rejection, or simply wanting to fit into what we think the other person wants. But when you hide parts of who you are, you're essentially erasing yourself little by little."
One day, people in relationships may look at themselves in the mirror to find a stranger looking back at them. Their relationship has become their primary source of identity, purpose and self-worth.
Even if their partner is not necessarily to blame, they may yearn for who they were before their relationship, and hint at the fact that they are interested in stepping into the old version of themselves. The only way to do that may be by leaving.
11. 'I don't care'
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"I don't care" is not only one of the phrases you'll hear from someone who's about to leave but hasn't said it yet, but is the ultimate sign that someone has completely disconnected from their relationship. They have stopped investing emotionally, no longer believe in change, and are fastly approaching an emotional exit.
Indifference is one of the hardest things to bounce back from in a relationship. Caring requires connection. When your partner has stopped arguing, defending and communicating, they have already checked out.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
