10 Rare Signs You're Being Treated Right In Your Relationship, According To Research
A healthy relationship means being with a partner who makes sure you feel seen and heard.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Beneath the surface of a healthy relationship are often some powerful and easily overlooked behaviors that can reveal the true amount of depth and care that exists between two people in love. When we think of healthy relationships, we often immediately go to some of the core values, including open communication, loyalty, trust, respect, and empathy. While those characteristics are incredibly important in making sure that a relationship thrives, there are also quieter and more subtle behaviors between partners.
These behaviors speak volumes to the foundation of what it means to be in a healthy relationship. Things like being gentle with your insecurities and being consistent even when their life might be hectic and unpredictable are just a few of the rare signs you're being treated right in your relationship, according to research. And even though these subtle actions may not always be talked about or acknowledged, they reflect the care that sustains a relationship and affirm that you're being treated right by the person that you love.
Here are 10 rare signs you're being treated right in your relationship, according to research
1. They respect your need for alone time
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Healthy partners never take it personally when you may need to spend some time away and on your own. They respect your need for solitude because they know how important it is for you to be able to recharge and come back to yourself.
Research published in Scientific Reports found that spending more hours alone were linked with increased feelings of reduced stress. A day with more time in solitude is also related to feeling freedom to choose and be oneself.
Even if you're in a relationship, it's still important to find those moments of sanctuary away from your significant other, no matter how healthy the relationship is.
"When we act from a place of love and emotional equanimity, we have more internal peace and create more connection and peace with others," explained neuroscientist Nicole Tetreault. "Something that you may already be familiar with is that solitude can calm us when we feel overwhelmed by others' energies so we can find more peace."
2. They take the time to repair things after conflict
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One of the very rare signs you're being treated right in your relationship, according to research experts, is that they take time out of their day to reconnect and repair things after a fight or disagreement. Instead of simply saying "sorry" or expressing remorse, a healthy partner will make time to repair and change.
A partner who truly cares about you will take the time to understand how that conflict affected you, inquire about what you need to feel safe again, and will make adjustments to ensure that nothing like that ever happens again.
In his research, Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D., called this behavior in relationships "repair attempts," which he explained was the secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples. His research showed that "the success or failure of a couple's repair attempts is one of the primary factors in whether [a] marriage is likely to flourish or flounder."
While an apology is always appreciated, true repair means getting to the root of the issue in your relationship with your partner and coming to an agreement that a particular pattern needs to stop to make sure the relationship can continue to thrive.
3. They defend you when you're not around
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A healthy partner would refuse to be in a room without you and just stand there while people make derogatory or downright rude comments about you. Even in your absence, they still feel a deep need to exhibit their loyalty to you and to your relationship, which is one of the things that can really make a relationship last.
In fact, according to The Gottman Institute, building commitment and loyalty is the third and final phase of love — the phase in which you figure out if you're really going to make the relationship work for a lifetime. A partner who truly loves and cares for you will have no problem standing up for your character, correcting misconceptions about you, or just simply advocating on your behalf.
It's simply refreshing that when your significant other takes the time to defend you, it's not just about winning an argument or trying to save face, but making sure your emotional well-being is protected even when you're not in the room.
4. They respect your 'no' without needing an explanation
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In a relationship, your partner should be willing to accept and adhere to any boundaries that you've created, without demanding justification or attempting to guilt trip you into changing your "no" to "yes."
The second that you say "no" to something, whether it's a request or favor, your partner should simply understand your right of refusing to do something without trying to question or pressure you for an explanation. They understand that you saying "no" is not a personal rejection towards them but rather you being able to express your needs.
As psychologist Meghan Marcum, PsyD explained, "People set boundaries for their safety. Respecting them helps build trust in the relationship and shows the other person you care about their emotional well-being."
5. They're willing to be vulnerable first
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When a partner is willing to be the first to open up in their relationship and doesn't struggle with talking about their fears, dreams, hopes, insecurities, or past traumas, they're actually doing more than just sharing. Being vulnerable is not only one of the most important and cherished forms of being able to forge emotional intimacy, it's also one of the rare signs you're being treated right in your relationship, according to research.
If your partner is the first one to open the door for conversations like that, they're not only showing how comfortable they are around you, but they're also creating a safe space so that you feel at ease to be vulnerable too.
"Being vulnerable creates emotional intimacy and connection. Opening yourself to your partner shows and builds trust and helps them understand you on a deeper level," couples counselor Kari Rusnak explained.
"A way to increase trust is to test it out, and by letting your partner in, you are giving them an opportunity to earn that trust. This can increase empathy from your partner as they get to understand you in a new way. It allows them to be there for you and meet your needs."
6. They let you shine without feeling threatened
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When you're in a truly supportive and healthy relationship, your partner will never try to overshadow your successes and achievements because they feel jealous or insecure by how much you flourish. Instead, they'll step back and allow you to have the spotlight because they're genuinely proud of you and want to do everything in their power to make sure you're aware of how much they're your biggest cheerleader.
They deeply admire your passionate nature, talents, and your strength without needing to outdo it. In fact, your shine might encourage them to work harder. It's not a competition with a partner like this, but rather, a journey where you both feel empowered and seen.
7. They don't keep score
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Love with a healthy partner is never transactional. They're able to give without keeping track or expecting something in return because they want to support you instead of feeling that they have to.
They aren't keeping a secret score sheet with all of the favors they've done for you, or the price of all the gifts they've bought. They don't hold things over your head and pull them out during moments of conflict as a way to have leverage over you.
This is a good thing, as one study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who keep score tend to feel distant from one another and less intimate, particularly during conflicts; additionally, couples who do this tend to "overreact to simple daily conflicts, to the detriment of relationship evaluations."
When a person treats their partner well, it's because they understand that a relationship isn't about winning or trying to get "even." It's a partnership where both people involved show up for each other without any conditions or strings attached.
8. They're gentle with your insecurities
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It's not uncommon to go into a relationship with a little bit of baggage and past pain. In a healthy relationship, not only is your partner understanding of this, but they never make you feel bad that you have these insecurities.
They're incredibly patient and treat your insecurities or trauma with care and compassion, not judgment and criticism. They're gentle and intentional with their words, and they're able to exhibit behaviors that can soothe you in moments where your insecurities might take over and overwhelm you.
Research, including one study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, has found that people who cultivate positive experiences in their relationships create a secure and trusting bond with their partner. This means that even if one partner feels insecure, their partner understands ways in which to make them feel safe and secure.
When a partner treats you right, they continue to love you even when you feel uncertain about yourself. And that kind of love ends up being healing more than anything else.
9. They're curious about the small details of your day
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Another of the rare signs you're being treated right in your relationship, according to research, is when your partner is genuinely interested in your daily life. A partner who is able to show genuine interest in the most minuscule and mundane parts of your day and actually values what you have to say is a partner that is treating you well.
They want to know about the coffee you ordered on your way to work and if you were able to actually catch the train on time or if you ended up having to walk, and everything in between. They aren't bored by your detailed explanation of how that meeting went at work, or how the movie you were watching last night ended.
They're interested because your life matters to them, even the parts that may seem insignificant.
10. They include you in decisions that affect you
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When a partner truly cares and values you in the relationship, they won't hesitate to include you in important choices, especially when those decisions directly affect you. They won't go behind your back and decide something without consulting you on it first.
It could be something big like moving to a different city or something seemingly small like a change in weekend plans. They will actively seek your opinion, listen attentively to what you have to say, and are willing to compromise if the need arises. They do so without complaint because your desires matter just as much as theirs do.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
