11 Rare Qualities That Make People Way More Attractive
Genuinely attractive people also tend to be the most intentional, intuitive, and kind, without even trying.
CoffeeAndMilk from Getty Images Signature | Canva Pro While attractiveness is generally subjective, there are certain rare qualities that make people way more attractive, no matter their looks. There are certain social benefits to acknowledge when it comes to attractive people. For example, someone with perceived physical attractiveness generally finds it easier to bond with others and casually interact with new people. Socially, we perceive attractive people as “rewarding” in some way. However, there are subtle qualities that unintentionally make people way more attractive that can be equally beneficial in social settings and relationships, many of which have absolutely nothing to do with looks.
1. Actively listening
People who make an effort to actively listen to others, whether it’s asking thoughtful questions, mirroring positive body language and nonverbal cues, or simply conveying a sense of engagement, are generally perceived as more socially attractive than those who don’t, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
When people feel heard and valued in a conversation with an engaged peer, they’re more likely to come back to them over-and-over again — seeking out a comfortable and safe space to speak their mind, ask for help, and connect. It’s attractive when someone shows a genuine interest in what you have to say, even if it’s some kind of subjective attractiveness that’s more rooted in emotion, gut feelings, and relief than physical looks.
2. Walking away from drama
Negativity is blatantly contagious, at least according to psychologist Elaine Hatfield. If you’re always complaining, engaging in drama, or making space for gossip in casual conversations, that negativity is spreading to the people around you. Not only do they associate the experience of being near you with that negativity, they may start to resent you for it, often without even consciously making the connection.
One of the rare qualities that unintentionally make people way more attractive is sidestepping this contagious negativity. They’re not afraid to set boundaries in conversations around drama, walk away from gossipy people, or change the subject in negative social situations with an empathetic flair. These kinds of people are not only perceived as more positive and uplifting, they’re associated with the relief and comfort these daily behaviors provide for anyone involved in a negative conversation.
3. Making people feel seen
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Feeling ignored or unseen can have profound effects on mental wellbeing and general health. This experience, whether it’s online being excluded from a group chat or not having space to talk in an in-person conversation, sparks emotional pain characterized by low self-esteem, anger, sadness, and anxiety, according to a 2000 study.
People with the superpower of making people feel seen — aka being intentionally uplifting, kind, and engaged — are generally perceived as more attractive, because everyone associates the positive feelings they experience with the person who sparks them.
Being kind to everyone, regardless of the situation, is one of the tiny daily habits that unintentionally make people way more attractive.
4. Owning their authenticity
Whether it’s eccentric self-expression, leaning into niche hobbies, or speaking their mind about topics other people may shy away from, people who get away with owning their authenticity are generally more attractive than they realize. Even if their self-expression and habits don’t abide by traditional societal standards, people who embrace and own their authenticity are generally perceived in a more positive light, according to public speaking expert Wendy L. Patrick.
People are innately drawn to authenticity — they feel more heard, understood, and valued by people who have a strong sense of internal security and uniqueness, fostering trust that boosts meaning and fulfillment, even in the most casual relationships.
Everyone’s daily habits and routines look different when it comes to crafting individual authenticity, but when you recognize it, it’s obvious who’s doing a great job at prioritizing it.
5. Speaking their mind without judgment
Many people struggle to have conversations around differing opinions because their values feel innately personal. When someone has a different thought process or opinion, it can be difficult to not perceive it as a personal attack on their identity leading to overpowering conversations, judgment, and avoidant tendencies.
However, speaking without judgment is one of the rare qualities that unintentionally make people way more attractive, not only because they actively help other people to feel heard in conversations, but because they convey a kind of empathy and authenticity that’s hard to come by.
6. Being calm under pressure
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Highly emotional arguments and conflicts at work are already stressful and demanding for the average person, so when their leader, peer, or friend is contributing negatively by raising their voice, isolating themselves, or being ignorant and disengaged, it only makes it that much harder to navigate.
However, people who are calm under pressure and bring an aura of positivity to hard situations and conflict are generally perceived to be much more attractive because they make these experiences easier to cope with. Crafting a safe space for people to feel heard and comfortable in casual conversation is one thing, but having the power to do it in a highly stressful environment is a superpower.
These types of people have great emotional regulation skills, like a study from the Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology suggests, giving them the ability to calm and cope with their own emotions themselves before helping others. It’s a 'secure your mask before helping others' situation that’s one of the rare qualities that make people seem more safe and attractive to others.
7. Using humor to deescalate tension
Helping other people to feel more comfortable and safe, even in highly emotional situations or conflict, is a superpower that is unsuspectingly attractive. People who feel safe around you won’t just perceive you as more attractive, they’ll be drawn to engaging in more conversations and interactions with you when they need support or guidance in the future.
Studies don’t just show that humor tends to deescalate conflict between close friends and peers, it also has the power to help people decompress and de-stress when they’re struggling internally. The power of a well-timed joke, a sliver of dark humor, or self-depricating bits can be more profound socially than people realize, which is why it’s so fundamental to conflict-resolution skills and de-escalation techniques.
8. Asking about other people’s interests
A study from the Journal of Personality found that curiosity in conversations can breed intimacy and closeness between partners, friends, and peers. We’ve all experienced it at one time or another: a feeling of being genuinely appreciated and heard when someone expresses an interest in us, our hobbies, or even our opinions.
Asking about other people’s interests and hobbies is one of the rare qualities that unintentionally make people way more attractive, even if it’s just between colleagues at work or over dinner with a partner.
9. Addressing people by name
According to experts from The Social Skills Center, people truly appreciate being remembered in conversations, especially when they’re addressed by name. It’s one of the qualities that unintentionally make people way more attractive because they’re able to subconsciously convey a sense of engagement and value to others, simply by remembering their names and faces.
It’s the best way to make a first, second, or third impression, but it’s also fundamental to crafting a solid set of social skills that positively impact all of your conversations and relationships.
10. Being present and engaged in conversations
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According to psychologist Roger K. Allen, Ph.D., being present not only helps people to tap into resourcefulness and engagement, it also boosts positivity and a more grounded sense of mental wellbeing.
When we’re present and engaged in conversations by actively listening, asking thoughtful questions, and fending off distractions, we can share those benefits with others, encouraging them to feel safe around us and to perceive us as more intelligent, kind, and attractive.
The key to happiness isn’t about having the most friends, being the most healthy, or even being the most successful, it’s about being fully present in the connections, experiences, and moments you have now. Whether it’s engaging in hobbies in your alone time, practicing mindfulness, or having a conversation with friends, being present is one of the daily habits that unintentionally make people way more attractive.
11. Smiling often
According to a study published in Scientific Reports, smiling increases perceptions of attractiveness in social situations and conversations. When you smile around other people, even if it’s just a stranger on the street, you’re improving your social perception, while also boosting positive vibes and connection in others.
There’s something so profound about intentional kindness that helps people to feel valued, even if it’s something as simple as a smile. It helps us to feel internally more grounded and positive, according to a study from The Journal of Positive Psychology, while also boosting our social image, relationships, and interactions.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
