People With Low Levels Of Emotional Respectability Usually Say 11 Things During Casual Conversations
Benevolente82 | Shutterstock Most people aim to be highly respected by their loved ones and acquaintances, and especially at work. After all, not only does earning this respect lead someone to be more likely to stand out and receive affriming recognition from them. But getting to this point isn't easy, and some people with low levels of emotional respectability simply refuse to try.
In order to earn that level of respect, a person needs to step up for the challenge when offered new responsibilities and show that they understand what others need. When someone doesn't know how to do these things, it will color every aspect of their work and their relationships, including the things they say.
People with low levels of emotional respectability usually say these things during casual conversations at work:
1. 'That's not my problem'
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While most successful people will set boundaries around what is their responsibility and what is not, when they're respectable, they'll find a way to say it kindly so they don't sound like a slacker. When someone says something like, "That's not my job" or "not my problem!" it reeks of insensitivity.
And according to a 2022 study, setting boundaries, especially in the workplace, is less likely to lead to burnout. But, again, this can be done without looking like a jerk.
The next time someone finds themselves stuck in this predicament, they can listen to the other person and redirect them. If a co-worker asks for help, they can say, "Hey, I understand you need help and I'd love to assist you, but I'm a bit busy right now."
Reframing things that way instead of saying "that's not my problem" allows others to understand the boundaries while simultaneously feeling respected and heard, leading to a favorable impression.
2. 'I don't have time for this'
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Even highly respected people get tired of nonsense and may reach the end of their rope. From work drama to family stress, there will always be a time where these people need to draw the line. However, they'll rarely just say, "I don't have time for this."
They choose their words carefully, as they know a bad attitude can tarnish the way others see them. By refraining from this phrase, they are ensuring the other person feels heard and not alone, which is important, even at work. As one study from Annals of Behavioral Medicine determined that people who are isolated have a higher risk of mortality, and work is a great place to make connections that go deeper than just desk-to-desk chat.
As an alternative, highly respected people can say something like, "I would love to hear what you have to say, but I'm swamped at the moment. Is it okay if we save this for another time?" Though this might seem obvious, listing a specific time shows that a highly respected person truly wants to hear what someone has to say, making them feel more secure.
3. 'You should have known better'
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It's inevitable to make mistakes in life. From small errors at work to forgetting important dates in a relationship, it's how people learn from them that either make or break their growth. Highly respected people don't say phrases like this, as they approach situations with logic rather than judgment.
When tensions rise and people feel unheard, it's normal for them to react in illogical ways. But respected people don't berate others; instead, they approach the situation with a level head. They know others come to them for help because they trust their judgment and are looking for guidance.
When people with low-levels of emotional respectability pull a "told you so" on a colleague or friend, they look petty. Worse, they look like someone who will take any opportunity to kick someone when they're down.
I would offer an alternative to this phrase to help people, but I don't think there is one. Someone who is already feeling regretful or bad about a mistake doesn't need to have that rubbed in their face.
4. 'I told you so'
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Highly respected people don't gloat about someone's bad decisions. It makes them look petty on the surface, and damages relationships in the long-run.
People want to feel supported whenever they're going through difficult times, and that need for support and community is deeply wired in humans. One study from Nature Mental Health found that "Individuals reporting higher levels of social support were at substantially reduced risk of elevated depressive symptoms."
That doesn't mean emotionally respectable people just roll over and pretend to think everyone's right all the time. They'll be honest about how they're feeling, but they'll phrase it in a way that is respectful and actually helpful. For example, "I understand you're going through it and I'm here to support you, but it was hurtful when you ignored my concern and I want to be sure you understand why I said it and how it led to this point."
Though it might be uncomfortable to say, it's the only way for people to support others while staying true to how they feel, allowing healing and respect to remain strong in the relationship.
5. 'But this is how we've always done things'
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Most people don't like change and would prefer things to stay the same, including the way they tackle situations or problems. This can be especially true at work, where the people in charge who benefit from the old systems don't want to hear from someone beneath them that it's not working well for everyone.
Of course, people who are highly emotionally intelligent are comfortable hearing critiques on what isn't working, whether they're the boss or the employee. Is it stressful? Sure, but they believe in their capability to handle the change and try something new. For others, breaking a habit is just too hard.
"When a change is initiated," writes professor Susan Levin "those habitual patterns are likely to be interrupted, which can lead to discomfort and ultimately resistance. Therefore, it takes intentional will and repetition to change entrenched patterns of behavior."
So, while it takes intentionality to change a behavior, emotionally strong people know they can survive the challenge. Meanwhile, people who are less strong tend to find it to be too much work.
6. 'You wouldn't understand'
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Some people may feel like others don't understand what they're going through, which can be true. We are all unique people with different experiences and feelings. But most people will try to understand or at least empathize.
People who are low in emotional respectability are either too lazy or too weak to take the risk and intentionally isolate as a result. And according to one study from General Psychiatry, isolation is a predictor of mental health problems and increased mortality, which shouldn't be a big surprise, as each feeds into one another.
Because highly respectable people empathize with others, people are increasingly likely to depend on them and offer their own shoulder to cry on, so to speak. That sort of connection looks great at work and can help build personal relationships, too.
7. 'I don't need to explain myself to you'
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If people truly want to earn respect, the first is to treat others fairly. Though this might sound obvious, some people instinctively shut themselves off as the conversations become tense. Feeling disrespected, they might snap and say they don't need to explain themselves, but this lack of control can escalate things.
According to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, anger meditated the link between loss of control and risk-taking behavior. With this in mind, a highly respected person carefully observes the situation and weighs if it's worth continuing or not, especially when they're angry. There's just no need to burn bridges at work (or in your personal life, if we're being honest) when there are other ways to say things.
Emotionally irresponsible people, however, go with the flow and just let words flow out of their mouths, which bodes poorly for their success. Nobody wants to hire or spend a lot of time with someone who loses their sense of good judgment any time someone rubs them the wrong way.
Of course, there are times when a phrase like this might be appropriate, like when someone is manipulating you by asking you to explain something over and over again or being patronizing. But, in general, there are better ways to set a boundary like this.
8. 'No offense, but…'
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It can be tricky to navigate a conversation with someone who's being difficult or making questionable choices. But saying "no offense, but..." is one of the phrases people with low emotional intelligence say way too often in conversations.
Everyone knows that simply saying "no offense" doesn't make less offensive and that there are much better ways to approach uncomfortable conversations that include critique. it less offensive. Arguably, saying "no offense" makes everything worse, leaving people feeling confused and offended. For respected people, they may opt to say something like, "to be completely honest with you..." before expressing themselves in a polite way.
People are good at handling honesty, as long as it comes from a place of sincerity. They much prefer blunt honesty over sugarcoated politeness and emotionally respectable people know this.
9. 'You're way too sensitive'
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This one is awkward for everyone involved, It's also way too common these days. When you call someone too sensitive, it shames them for having feelings and also shows others that you aren't strong enough to handle someone's big feelings. It's really a lose-lose phrase, especially at work.
According to Psychology Today writer Sophia Dembling's own experience, "I've long believed that 'you're too sensitive' is what people say when they've said or done something unkind and want you to believe that they haven't. I've considered it a form of gaslighting. Still, when you hear something often enough, you eventually consider the possibility that it might be true."
Here's the truth: someone honestly expressing their emotions doesn't make them overly sensitive. Their sincerity just shows how connected they are with themselves. Unfortunately, many people have been taught that emotional vulnerability is shameful, leading to the common misconception that emotions like sadness or anger are somehow negative.
If someone is making things overly personal, especially in the workplace, there are better ways to address that that start with compassion and leave out any sort of personal insults.
For example, "I understand you're upset and I want to talk this through so it doesn't continue happening. With that in mind, I also want to separate out what feels personal and what may not actually be intended to be hurtful so we can all get along and be productive here."
10. 'Because I said so'
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Growing up, parents may have told their children to behave a certain way, with "because I said so" being the sole reason. But for highly respected people, this is a phrase they will never say in a conversation because of how invalidating it is.
This phrase is often used by people in positions of authority, feeling like their power is being questioned. Whether it's parents, teachers, politicians or bosses, this undermines people's voices and shuts down their opinions, making them feel less than. It's also incredibly disrespectful and belittling, as someone on the receiving end may feel like a child getting scolded.
Rather than misusing their authority this way, respected people opt for other phrases to get the point across without being condescending. They may simply state what they want ("Please have this to me by the end of day") or ask the other person their views ("What do you think about doing things this way instead? Maybe we can work together to find a solution.")
11. 'That's not my job'
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Once again, it's perfectly fine to set boundaries around what is and is not your responsibility, especially with people who want to give you more work so they can do less out of pure laziness.
However, the way people with low levels of emotional respectability say something like this, it's more about shirking responsibility than setting healthy boundaries. For example, your boss asks you to take on a new project in order to adapt to changes in the marketplace.
No, you may not have been hired to do that specific job, but that doesn't mean you should just say, "No, that's not my job." It makes you look rigid and unadaptable, two things that are not great for your career or prospects.
Instead of using this annoying and dismissive phrase, highly respected people will first figure out their boundaries and then act accordingly.
When someone is in a predicament and comes to them for help, a highly respected person might say, "I don't typically do this, but I'm willing to help just this one time. However, in the future, I'll refrain from doing this since it technically isn't in my job description."
They may also reject their request, saying, "I'm sorry, I can't help you with this right now, but perhaps you can try..."
Offering a solution or a resource will land better, and won't affect the respect people have for someone. After all, positive responses like this make sure people don't feel dismissed.
Oh, and by the way, pretty much all of these alternatives help build healthy romantic relationships and friendships, too!
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
