9 Little Things That Feel Easy In A Happy Relationship But Exhausting When It's Not
Helena Lopes | Canva Research has explored how feeling uneasy, doubtful, or anxious are all natural feelings to have in any relationship at any given moment. But there are a few things that should always feel easy with your partner.
At times, we may experience uncomfortable emotions that may even feel exhausting in a relationship. But ultimately, your partner should help you feel calm and at ease most of the time. A mature relationship won’t make you feel like you’re playing a mind game. Instead, it’ll make you feel more secure than you’ve ever felt before.
9 little things that feel easy in a happy relationship but exhausting when you’re not:
1. Flirting
If you have chemistry, you won’t be worried about having a witty comeback or being overly obvious in your flirting technique. Over time, you’ll be able to tease them as if you’ve known them for years. And it’ll come so naturally, you won’t even have to think.
Dating coach Amy Schoen said, "The biggest difference between flirting and a love connection is this: The person seeking a serious relationship will want to get to know you better. They will follow up, ask you out on a true date, take a genuine interest in you, and be willing to open up about their life, values, and goals. Love requires a stronger foundation than just flirting, and actions speak louder than silly banter."
2. Being honest
Art_Photo via Shutterstock
Over time, it’ll get easier to express your feelings without fear of being judged or seeming desperate, clingy, or overly emotional. In a happy relationship, you’ll be able to tell your partner the truth about everything and anything. And you won’t feel reserved or scared to do so. In fact, it’ll actually feel really good.
"Thoughts are useful to share as well, but feelings also need to be expressed to be fully understood. They convey dry information, not the real feelings and truth of what you're experiencing within. Couples in relationships become closer and more connected when they share their feelings," explained couples counselor Nicola Beer. "Sharing thoughts does not unite them in the same way. Emotional connection is where you look inside and express your inner feelings: hopeful, pleased, wary, discouraged."
3. Texting
You shouldn’t have to over-analyze every text you receive from your partner, and you shouldn’t have to ask your friend for help with your response. If they are right for you, the conversation will flow easily, and you’ll learn their texting pattern fairly quickly.
You’ll know their short responses mean they are busy, and you won’t get too upset over the shift in their attitude. Additionally, you won’t even have a hard time coming up with things to talk about all the time. In fact, you won’t even feel the need to text them every second of the day.
4. Kissing
The smell of your breath, the taste of your tongue, the speed or intensity of your kisses. Those things won’t always be running through your mind. Once you’ve been together for a little while, it’ll all seem funny that you ever got nervous about kissing them in the first place.
Counsellor Kate Evans highly recommended to "Kiss each other when you say goodbye in the morning, when you come home at night, when you go to bed, when you're leaving on a trip, and when you come home. Every time you kiss, you show the other person how special they are to you. Kissing will also help reaffirm your attachment to them."
5. Planning dates
Rachata Teyparsit via Shutterstock
If they get you, they won’t have trouble suggesting dates. Sure, if you keep doing the same thing over and over, it may get repetitive. But they’ll always listen to what you say and try to plan something special around that.
And you’ll definitely reciprocate the favor. You also won’t have to tear apart your schedule to see each other. You’ll find a pattern that works for both of you and will naturally make time to see them.
6. How you look
The amount of effort you put into your looks to impress them will be a distant memory once you truly feel comfortable. No more rummaging through your closet to find the perfect top or spending an hour on your hair. You’ll look beautiful to them no matter what, and the pressure will be nonexistent.
7. Fighting
Although it sucks, it’s inevitable in every relationship. When you’re with the right person, a small disagreement won’t turn into a yelling competition or a WWE wrestling match. Instead, you’ll communicate civilly, like adults, which will usually end in an apology or mature compromise.
"Some fighting is considered normal in any relationship, particularly as you become more comfortable sharing emotions and being vulnerable with each other, as long as you express yourselves in ways that aren't hostile or otherwise unhealthy or abusive," explained marriage coach Margot Brown. "In fact, a little arguing in a relationship is actually a good sign — much better than zero arguing."
8. Figuring out where you stand
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
Life coach Kelly Ann Garnett explained, "When most people have a difficult time finding a partner that will commit to them, it's because they’re not committed to themselves and their desires. Committing means we're not just talking the talk, we're also walking the walk. Are they already the person they would show up for the date as?"
You won’t have to interpret their mixed signals or second-guess how they feel. If they are right for you, they will express their feelings when the time is right. And they won’t hide their emotions once they share their love for you.
9. Saying 'I love you'
These three little words may seem intimidating to anyone, but they won’t feel as scary when someone means them. Instead, they’ll bring comfort, reassurance, and endless joy as long as the feeling is mutual. And you won’t hesitate to say them either, because you’ll be confident they’ll say them back, too.
If you have doubts or are feeling uneasy about anything listed above, you may want to reconsider the relationship you’re in. It might be time to focus on finding someone with whom everything feels natural and easy.
Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist, and fill-in TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten.
