If Any Person In Your Life Uses These 14 Phrases, They're Likely Struggling More Than You Realize
Néo Rioux | Pexels Learning to love yourself is a challenging process, especially when you're going through a really rough patch, and research has suggested people may not even realize how much they're struggling because their inner critic is telling them not to burden anyone else with their problems.
For the most part, our inner critic is part of the ego and trying to keep us safe — but we can become so used to hearing it, we think it's speaking the truth. That's why when someone is struggling, they don't always say it outright. More often, it shows up in subtler phrases that accidentally slip out. So if any person in your life uses these phrases, listen up because they're probably telling you more than you realize.
If any person in your life uses these 14 phrases, they're likely struggling more than you realize:
1. 'I am a failure'
You are not a failure. You aren't good at everything, but no one is. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, concentrate on your strengths. Are your failures that bad? I doubt it. You are a much better person than you want to admit.
You learn from every experience in life. You are rarely going to be good at doing something for the first time. Studies have confirmed that trial and error are part of the path to proficiency in any task. You have expertise, talents, and yourself to gift the world. Everyone does! You are no exception. You have great value just for being yourself.
2. 'I suck'
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Usually, you say this when you are feeling down and frustrated. You've probably done something, and it didn’t go well in your own eyes. When you start something new, it can take a lot of practice before you begin to feel confident in your ability to do it. For example, when you learn to ride a bike as a kid, you probably feel like you suck at it. But with practice, you eventually get better.
So when you catch yourself saying, “I suck,” try to focus on something positive in your life. Remember, you're learning a new task, and it'll take time to get good at it. Maybe you chose the wrong profession. Just because you aren't good at one thing doesn’t mean you won’t be good at something else. You have a purpose in the world. Your job is to find it. There are many people and resources to help you do this.
3. 'I don’t know why they hired me'
You may not know how you got your new job. There is a reason. It wasn't luck; the employer saw something in you they knew would be a benefit to their company. It's time to celebrate your new job. Know that you got it for a good reason. Your job is to do your best. Now is the time to reflect on your strengths. Don't be shy. Acknowledge your good qualities, name your strengths, and allow the positive feelings to soak in.
4. 'My relationships never last'
Just because you've had some short-term relationships doesn’t mean you'll never have a long-term relationship. With this kind of attitude affecting your self-esteem, you'll subconsciously act in ways that will lead to ending your relationship earlier. Instead of worrying about how long your relationship is going to last, focus on the joy you receive each day with the one you love.
Psychotherapist Nancy Carbone advised, "If you feel undeserving of love or fear being rejected, you can put up with a partner who doesn't love you back because it resonates with what you think about yourself. You end up putting up with things that are not good for you, if it reflects what you think you're worth, without doing what is good for you. If you attack yourself for not being good enough, you can accept others who are not good for you, who reflect the way you feel about yourself."
5. 'No one finds me attractive'
Maybe you don’t fit all the stereotypes of what the media suggests makes a person beautiful, but you're still beautiful in your own way. You'll never know all the ways people find you attractive. Maybe it's your effervescence, your honesty, your sense of humor, your smile, or your creativity. It can be helpful to acknowledge your beauty every day to yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and remind yourself how beautiful you are. Eventually, you will start to believe it.
6. 'Nothing good will ever happen to me'
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If you stop to think about this, you'll find holes in your argument. Good things have happened in your life. Why don’t you try brainstorming all the good things that happened to you? They don’t have to be big things. They could be hundreds of small things.
Just because you have been going through a time, it doesn't mean this will keep going on throughout your life. When you start to have a more positive attitude, you will attract more positive things in your life.
7. 'It's too good to be true'
Nothing is ever too good to be true. You're an awesome person. You deserve to experience good things. It could be the job you have been dreaming of for years. It could be the love of your life.
Change your attitude from fear and hopelessness to an expectation that good things have and will continue to happen in your life. This change of perspective can help you increase your self-esteem and learn to appreciate and love yourself.
8. 'Oh, it was nothing'
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How many times have you said, “Oh, it was nothing,” when someone was praising you? If you are like many, you'll have done this many times. It's time for you to stand up and accept the praise from those who appreciate you. All you need to do is smile and say, "Thank you," instead.
Psychologist Judith E. Pearson, Ph.D., explained, "There are two specific ways people prefer to obtain validation for their efforts, meaning how they prefer to receive compliments. While there are several validation styles, they cover a continuum ranging from internal to external validation. People in the middle of the continuum have a comfortable mix of styles."
9. 'I'm not smart enough'
You're smart in your way. You are a bright, intelligent person and wise beyond your years. Maybe you bring wisdom to the people in your life through your ability to listen to the knowledge within you. Perhaps it comes from your ability to listen to another person with an open mind and heart. Maybe it's your intellectual abilities that help you to practice science.
It's a matter of surrounding yourself with people who believe in you. Soak up those positive vibrations. The more you find your inner strength, the negativity will run off your body like water in a rainstorm.
10. 'I hate myself'
You are your own worst enemy. You're not only hurting yourself when you attack your self-esteem with these words, but also the people around you. If you are seriously down on yourself, you'll probably need some help to get out of this vicious cycle. There are many professionals out there (like coaches and counselors) to help you.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about yourself, a study in self-compassion suggested noticing all the good things about yourself. Practice radical gratitude. Take time in the morning or evening to reflect on what you are thankful for: Food, shelter, friends, and so much more. It's hard to hate yourself when you're so grateful.
11. 'I'm a loser'
First, what is a loser? I think a loser is someone down on themselves. Feeling like a loser is a way of thinking. It doesn't reflect the truth. Try putting some sticky notes around your house with positive statements like:
- I'm smart
- I'm beautiful
- I'm kind
- I'm compassionate
- I'm a hard worker
- I'm creative
You might like to journal. Notice all the negative thoughts you've had in the day and turn them around into something positive. As you do this, you'll feel a lightness growing in your mind, heart, and body. Yes, you'll still have tough days, but in the long run, you will get more positive, confident, and healthier.
12. 'I'm not worth the money'
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You have great worth. You're worth investing in yourself, and this often costs time and money. If you follow your dreams and passion, you'll not only help yourself, but the people around you will benefit from you being at your best.
You need to remember you have just as much right to these resources (time and money) as anyone else. There are times in your life when your family will need to support you monetarily or otherwise. You may feel shame, but you don't need to own it. Don't let these negative thoughts drag your self-esteem down.
13. 'I don’t look good in a bathing suit'
Who says you don't look good in a bathing suit? You have just as much right to wear a bathing suit as anyone else. You are beautiful. If you are a person of faith, remember you're a reflection of God. If you do not identify with a faith tradition, you can think of how everything in the universe is beautiful, and you are part of the universe.
Research on body image and self-esteem explained that "people with lower self-esteem are increasingly likely to report discontent with their body size or shape, regardless of age or gender. Since body image represents a large part of a person's self-concept, it is unsurprising that self-esteem and body dissatisfaction are related."
14. 'I'll never amount to anything'
Did someone tell you that you'll never amount to anything? This is a lie. Your goal is to become the best person you can be. You don't need to compare yourself to anyone else to be "good" or to love yourself. An excellent place to start is to focus on doing what you love. Get the help you need to learn whatever you need to improve.
Follow what inspires you. If something new feels overwhelming, take it one step at a time. Never be afraid to get help. A willingness to get help is a sign of strength and courage.
You're right on schedule. You're where you need to be today. You're going to get to wherever you want to go. Enjoy the ride. Your inner critic is always there. It usually shows itself when you are under stress.
Your goal is to stay grounded, relaxed, and self-aware. This process of learning to become more self-aware takes time and practice. You must remain patient and forgiving of yourself. Be gentle as you learn how to love yourself and build your self-esteem.
Changing your attitude toward yourself takes intentional work, such as practicing meditation, getting lots of sleep, eating good food, and reminding yourself throughout the day that you're a person of worth and value. The good news is that you can learn to live with your inner critic. It will show itself from time to time, but you will have the skills to notice it and make some better choices to build your self-esteem up rather than tear it down.
Roland Legge is an author, certified spiritual life coach, and teacher of the Enneagram. He helps people connect to their inner selves and find alignment with their highest purpose and values.
