If A Guy Has These 10 Rare Traits, He's A Good Man You Can Count On
The kind of man you don't have to second-guess.
Sabana_Studios Ph | Shutterstock People who use the terms "real man” or "good man" have been regularly criticized and struck down over the past few years in favor of supposed all-inclusiveness and the fear of setting impossible-to-meet standards that some men are unable (or unwilling, in my opinion) to meet. But, what if we redefined what it means to be a real man or a good man by examining the qualities and personality traits someone deserving of this title should have?
What if we allow our collective evolved consciousness to open the floodgates of possibility and understand that talking about "being a good man" doesn’t have to imply a negative or restrictive label? If we were to define the new version of a good man, what would he be like? Here are the personality traits women find most attractive, and which I believe are qualities of a good man.
If a guy has these 10 rare traits, he's a good man you can count on:
1. Emotionally available
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A good man is caring and genuine. Right off the bat, we need to eliminate the stigma that ‘manliness’ is about being cold and abrasive. We have spent too many decades, centuries, and eons painting men as chest-bumping, grunting Neanderthals who are incapable of performing even the most basic of kindhearted tasks.
A ‘real man’ understands that having feelings is not a weakness, but a strength. Your emotions allow you to stay in touch with yourself and the people around you.
Ignoring these basic feelings, I would argue, is a weakness, because this means you are unwilling to feel, care, and nurture.
2. Self-reflective (and willing to improve himself)
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A good man is always improving himself. As Muhammad Ali once said, "The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."
Life is an ongoing journey of self-development as the world turns around us. We can't just sit back and stop growing unless we want to fall behind. Studies of personal development programs show that people who dedicate themselves to self-improvement find improvements in emotional well-being and experience fewer negative feelings. I understand this can feel inevitable and a bit daunting: Are we really supposed to never let off the throttle?
I believe the truth of life is that the more skills we learn, the more knowledge we gain, and the more we use these tools to help others and make the world better: The more fulfilled we will be. That’s what a real man does.
3. Honest with others
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A good man is honest with those around him. Whether in a dating situation, a professional environment, or in his family life, a real man always communicates openly and honestly about what he thinks and feels. However, he does so with tact. No man (or woman) should ever be verbally abrasive or abusive toward others, regardless of the circumstances.
Honesty is the foundation of trust, which no type of relationship can survive without.
4. Honest with himself
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What’s even more important than honesty towards those around you is how you communicate with yourself. We don’t spend nearly enough time truly discovering who we are, and therefore never truly find out what is actually going to make us happy in this life. Research shows that people who develop a deeper self-awareness have higher self-esteem, more vitality, and better emotional well-being.
When this happens often, it creates a disconnect from the world around you because you’re constantly going through the motions and not truly living a full life that you can truly love. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from, what your race, gender, ethnicity, color, place of birth, astrological sign, or political affiliation is ... you get the idea — none of this changes the fact that you are a human being with wants, needs, and desires — and you can’t fully identify them if you’re always hiding from who you truly are.
5. Self-aware
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A good man isn't afraid to acknowledge his emotions. A bit of an extension from the first point, where a man will be caring and genuine, we are also all human beings who experience sadness, fear, frustration, anger, joy, and everything in between.
As men, we are taught from a young age to ‘man up’ when we feel hurt or sad. In other words: Don’t show your emotions. Don’t feel them. Don’t acknowledge them. And, certainly, don’t express them, which is especially harmful since neuroimaging studies show men tend to use these emotion-regulation parts of the brain less when they are working to manage their feelings.
This is a problem for many reasons, a big one of which is that it prevents us from understanding ourselves and how we naturally respond to certain scenarios. Only when we face our natural responses can we recognize them, absorb them, and determine whether or not they are serving us.
Then, when we feel what our instincts are telling us, we can make a logical decision about whether or not this is the best reaction to the situation at hand. But, only then, can we act accordingly and effectively.
6. Altruistic
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A good man is unselfishly concerned about the well-being of others and contributes to the world around him.
In a society where we are so hung up on ourselves — looking for validation of what we are doing and seeing how many likes and followers we can get — we lose sight of the fact that real happiness and fulfillment come from contributing to the world and people around us, from giving to a larger cause than ourselves, and from moving society forward in a way that only you can.
The things that you do for yourself may benefit you directly, but they also leave the world when you do. Research shows that people who act altruistically tend to experience higher life satisfaction, improved health, and even longer lives. The things you do for others will live on as your legacy — the stories people tell of you, the impact you have on more lives than just your own. That is what is really important.
7. Socially active
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A good man stands up for what is right. In a time when unacceptable behaviors like rampant harassment and systemic racism are being exposed at every corner, we are pulling back the curtain on how long such actions have been allowed, and even encouraged, by people in positions of privilege, authority, and power.
Even recently, during an incident involving “locker room talk” that some may recall, there was widespread discussion about how men often just laugh at jokes, probably out of fear of being ridiculed. However, a study revealed that about 43% of workplace bystanders actually intervene in harassment after a short internal deliberation.
It is time we start standing up for others when we see or hear inappropriate comments and abusive behaviors. As men, we need to be willing to call out other men for the sake of honor and respect rather than remain quiet for fear of being ostracized. And why would we want to be around men whose actions we don’t approve of anyway?
8. Grateful
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A good man shows gratitude. It is almost impossible to live a full life without expressing thankfulness. Whether it's gratitude for your family, friends, and loved ones, or for the clothes on your back, the phone in your hand, or whatever else it may be, too many of us take life’s common luxuries for granted. Things that previous generations could have never imagined, we experience daily without a second thought.
Taking time to recognize the amazing things in life truly allows you to breathe in the air of your reality and live a fuller life by appreciating what surrounds you.
9. Generous
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A good man gives more than he takes. No solid foundation for any relationship, business, accomplishment, or cause was built on the premise of “what’s in it for me?” The willingness to give in all areas of life allows for many things to blossom that would never be possible with a selfish mindset. Research indicates that being generous in marriage is closely linked to higher relationship satisfaction and fewer conflicts.
The irony of being selfish is that people do it to advance their own agendas or progress quickly towards their goals, when in reality, putting other people first would actually accomplish these things faster and more efficiently.
10. Self-directed
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A good man is whatever he wants to be. Do not allow society to force you into fitting a mold of what you’re supposed to look like, how you’re supposed to dress, where you’re supposed to live, or who you’re supposed to love.
Being a happy, fulfilled, and well-rounded person involves shaping your life around your unique personality and passions. Research shows that aligning your actions with your true self improves well-being in many areas of life.
We spend too much time labeling each other instead of actually understanding who people really are. No two individuals are alike, so it’s also true that no group of people is the same just because we assign labels to them. Be kind, be genuine, treat others well, and at your core — stay true to yourself. That’s what a good man does.
James Michael Sama is a relationship expert who writes about dating and relationships. He speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness, and has been featured in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.
