25 Funny Celebrity Sex Quotes

Sex: one of the only things everyone across the globe can agree is the best thing in the world ... except maybe really good food. It's like the cure-all for any ailment you have — boredom, loneliness, heartbreak ... or even a way to cheer yourself up.

It doesn't matter how you do it, EVERYONE loves sex.

Sex doesn't always have to be hand in hand with romance, either, and the best people to prove that are comedians and celebrities. It doesn't matter if they are best known for being in politics, acting in more movies than you can count on both hands or doing stand up comedy, celebrities always have something to say; and oftentimes, that something is about sex.

One of the greatest pieces of advice someone can give you is to have a sense of humor in bed. If you take sex too seriously, chances are you (and your partner) will be disappointed.

If you can't learn to laugh at yourself when it comes to life, love and sex, then take some pointers from celebrities and comedians. Not only do they come up with some of the best tips about life and love, they also bring some much-needed honesty when in comes to these topics.

With comedic actresses like Amy Schumer and Tina Fey showing women that you don't always (or ever) have to be the sensible woman who doesn't talk about sex, it has become MUCH easier for us ladies to be more ourselves instead of worrying what others think of us.

And for anyone else who just needs a daily dose of funny, sometimes tongue-in-cheek comedy, you can always count on people like Louis C.K. and Chelsea Handler to be there.

We pulled together some of the funniest quotes about sex from your favorites comedians and celebrities to remind us that sex is fun, but it's better when it's funny, too.

1

“You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.” — Steve Martin

2

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” — Billy Crystal

3

“I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘The man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.” — Joan Rivers

4

“My mother told me that life isn’t always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.” — Chelsea Handler

5

“Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.” — Billy Crystal

6

"I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead." — Garry Shandling

7

"Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt." — Mike Birbiglia

8

"You could put a blonde wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it." — Tina Fey

9

"If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?" — Bette Midler

10

“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.” — Marilyn Monroe

11

“Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.” — Woody Allen

12

"I don’t have sex 'drive.' I have sex 'just sit in the car and hope someone gets in.'" — Louis C.K.

13

"I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty." — John Waters

14

"I remember the first time I had sex. I kept the receipt." — Groucho Marx

15

"Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex." — Bill Maher

16

"I believe in sex on a first date. Otherwise, how do you know if a second date is worth the effort?" — Jackie Weaver

17

"Nymphomaniac: A woman as obsessed with sex as an average man." — Mignon McLaughlin

18

“The difference between sex and love is I've never come from love.” — Amy Schumer

19

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” — Robin Williams

20

"The best time of day for sex is anytime because it's sex." — Cameron Diaz

21

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eva_Longoria

"The best sex I ever had was with my vibrator." — Eva Longoria

22

"I'm trisexual. I'll try anything once." — P!nk

23

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." — Sharon Stone

24

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where men are just grateful" — Robert De Niro

25

"Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships." —​ Sacha Baron Cohen