It Sucks Today — But These 3 Reasons Might Make You Really Grateful For Your Breakup Later
Heartbreak never feels good in the moment, but time has a way of revealing why it had to happen.
Lany-Jade Mondou | Canva Getting over a breakup and letting go of someone you love (but with whom a relationship no longer serves you) is necessary for greater living. I must admit, getting over a breakup is slightly easier to handle if you are on the giving end. But this is not to say that letting go and getting over someone is easy — delivering that news is never easy.
Happiness in life may be the last thing you expect to happen when you're going through a breakup, but, believe it or not, it's inevitable. From rediscovering who you are outside the partnership to realizing what real love should look and feel like, each of these reasons helps reframe heartbreak as a hidden blessing that clears space for a better version of you.
These 3 reasons might make you grateful for your breakup later:
1. You become willing to meet the unknown and trust yourself in the face of uncertainty
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Human beings are creatures best motivated by pain. Change could come with greater ease if we chose to change for fun, to play with our free will.
However, we usually wait until the pain of our current situation is so great that it finally exceeds the pain and fear of the uncertainty of what lies on the "other side." Be that as it may, a breakup is a sign of courage and something to celebrate.
Research on neural responses to safety from pain showed that relief from pain or stress as a reward depends on the violation of a negative expectation. Facing uncertainty and placing our bet on ourselves to handle whatever comes next is a real mark of bravery.
2. You realize that breakups are breakthroughs
No matter who you are breaking up with, you are really breaking up with roles and issues that have been limiting your ability to shine. We function with people the way we do often because we are functioning from a role or with an issue, rather than truly being ourselves.
The whole dynamic and relationship with a person can change (in an infinite number of ways) when we choose to break up with an issue. Breakups offer a sweet release from the judgment that is required to maintain smallness and sameness.
The lightness of this great burden being lifted — it might feel a little raw, like a breeze on brand new skin when the band-aid is removed. But the bliss of the awareness of aliveness and all the possibilities of how the adventure will unfold is greater than any sadness, loss, or fear, if we choose to look at it.
3. You discover kindness in unexpected places
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Breakups reveal the existence of kindness from people or places that we may not have known or trusted had we not allowed ourselves to be in a position of vulnerability. Only when we are "backed against a wall" are we willing to put our barriers down and receive kindness and caring.
Not just the typical "You deserve better than…" or "You’re worth so much more..." but the true caring from individuals who will not take a corrective viewpoint, but lend a supportive ear.
They are truly listening to the conflicting thoughts and feelings that come up without feeling they have to stop or fix those feelings. The experience of true listening and caring, and the discovery of such an individual, that alone may be reason enough to celebrate and have gratitude for this breakup.
I don’t delight in disappointing people or feeling that what I am saying could in some way lead them to believe that they aren’t good enough. It is hard to spit it out sometimes. But every time I've broken up with someone and "stuck to my guns," things have gotten better.
- I’ve gotten out of having to listen to other people judge me and tell me what I was bad at that I wasn’t really bad at.
- I’ve gotten away from people blaming all of their feelings on me, that they didn’t want to deal with, and knew they could convince me that I had more "self-work" to do.
- I’ve gotten more time that isn’t being taken by people just wanting to talk about other people in a way that doesn’t change or create anything (this is what is commonly referred to as “drama”)
- I’ve gotten away from having to be someone I was decades ago that I am no longer.
- And I’ve gotten a dramatic decrease in drama, and my other relationships have gotten deeper.
I laugh more, I’ve lost weight, and I have seen myself be more willing to create and produce things and take on projects, even become an entrepreneur.
Happy people know that, sometimes, you have to go through a broken heart to achieve the happy life you deserve. It’s not that we have to go through misery to know we are supported, but sometimes tough times do make us more willing to open up to receiving kindness.
Life coach Mitzi Bockmann also explained, "Now that you have been released from this unhappy relationship, the sky is the limit for you. There are a million people out there in the world who could potentially be the one for you, a million people who you never would have met if you stayed in this relationship. And, now that you have had to do the work after your heartbreak, you will truly be in a better place to find the person who can truly make you happy. "
You learn how to find happiness and be a happy person despite the heartbreak you went through. You can break up to break through. Say goodbye to your issues and hello to you. And I will gladly be your breakup buddy and get you through and beyond.
Dr. Joylyn Maniaci is a relationship specialist, personal coach, and author of Goddess's Guide to Breakups. She coaches women into confidence and consciousness by "breaking up with their issues."
