How To Finger A Woman Really (Really!) Well

It's about a lot more than penetration.

By Nick Hardwick — Written on Nov 17, 2021

Photo: Getty

Knowing how to finger a woman is an important part of giving women orgasms.

Call it manual sex, hand sex, finger-banging, or whatever you like, but foreplay is incredibly important if you want to please a woman in bed.

For most women, fingering is a huge part of what's needed in order to be stimulated properly and get her turned on.

So guys, if you really want to make sure she has the best sex of her life, make sure you're up to the task that's literally at hand.

9 Experts Tips On How To Finger A Woman Really, Really Well

1. Keep your fingernails neat, clean, and trimmed.

Ohhh, so that's why women are always checking out the fingernails of potential partners? They're all thinking about a fingering. Yes. Yes, they are.

Seriously, uncut, uncleaned, and unbuffed fingernails are painful, so keep your hands to yourself until your nails are smooth enough to run across your own penis hole.

2. Start slowly.

You may be tempted to go straight for the clitoris — the part of a woman's vulva that is packed with nerves and is most often the best way to make a woman orgasm. But you need to pay attention to the rest of her body.

Start with her inner thighs, her labia, and even the outside of her vagina. Go slowly, move lightly, and watch her face to see what she likes the most.

As she becomes more lubricated, spread that wetness up toward her clitoris — but don't spend too much time there, yet — testing out whether she likes more or less pressure.

3. Watch, listen, and respond.

As you move your hand and fingers around, watch her reactions closely.

When she seems to be enjoying it most — gasping, sighing, biting her lip, moaning, or even relaxing her legs and body — respond by doing more of that. Every partner is different, and everyone likes to be touched differently. If you want ot be great in bed, the key is responding to each woman like the unique individual she is.

Ask her if she'd like to show you how she touches herself, reassuring her that you find it incredibly sexy, and then watch and learn. You can jump back in to assist, or take over again when she's ready. Women can teach you a lot about their own bodies and pleasure.

4. Make circles on her clitoris.

Once she's warmed up, spend time on her clitoris. The clitoris is the most powerful spot on a woman's body, so get ready to use two fingers (the index and middle finger) to rub her clitoris in a soft and circular manner.

By now she should be sufficiently aroused with foreplay, so her clitoris will be swelling and slightly enlarged.

Gradually increase speed as she shows positive signs. Be careful not to lose concentration and “auto” set your circles, as you could lose the rhythm or start moving too roughly or quickly. Also be aware of how lubricated she is. With lots of rubbing and stimulation, you need lots of wetness.

You can dip into her vagina (she'll probably love this anyway) and get more lubrication on your fingers, or you can use lube from a bottle. Just remember to use a water-based lubricant if you'll be moving on to penetrative sex with condoms later. Water-based lubricants are condom-safe.

5. Penetrate her with your middle finger.

Try putting your middle finger inside of her, then thrust it in and out of her like a penis. Start slowly and increase tempo and speed.

Watch her for signs of where she is enjoying the penetration the most. Does she like it angled up or down? Does she like more or less intensity?

Increase the speed if she seems to like it and find a thrusting pattern that works. The ideal position is with you in front of her vagina and kneeling in front of her since this gives you full control over your hand.

6. Find her G-spot with your index and middle finger.

Next in how to finger a woman, we find the G-spot.

The G-spot is located about 2-3 inches deep and upwards, towards the front wall. You should feel a rougher patch of skin when you find it.

Find this area by facing your palm up and making the “come here” motion with your middle and index fingers. Imagine trying to touch her belly button internally and you've got the right idea. Start slowly and softly, building up to a hard thrust.

7. Slide your index and middle fingers all the way down and back up again.

Make sure your fingers are wet, and then, start by going down the side of the clitoris all the way into her vagina and then back out again.

This common maneuver of the tongue can also work with fingers, as long as you keep the pressure light and the area very wet.

8. Bring in your other hand.

You can use your free hand to stimulate her vagina or G-spot area while rubbing her clitoris at the same time. When using more hands, try stroking and penetrating with different rhythms, not automating the same movement for both hands.

Keep it steady and don't worry about speed unless she's yelling at you to finish her off.

9. With her consent, try stimulating her anus at the same time.

There's only one rule about anal stimulation and it's “No surprises!” Ask her, "Can I touch you here?" or "Would you like me to go a little deeper with my pinky?"