4 Texts People Send That Make Someone Them Pull Back Without Saying Why
Sometimes the texts you think are harmless can send the totally wrong signal.
filadendron | Canva A study conducted in 2013 showed that too much texting back and forth (especially to hash out problems) can cause a disconnect in even the most committed couples. Researchers from Brigham Young University asserted that the frequency and content of texts can determine the quality of your relationship.
After getting nearly 300 people (all in committed relationships) to participate, the researchers found that most couples use texting for "relationship maintenance" and even worse, to argue. And a lot gets lost in translation. So why are we so tempted to frenetically button-mash on our phones instead of dialing and calling? Or, better yet, work things out in person? And why is this ruining our relationships?
Texting doesn’t look or sound like a real conversation. Dating coach Julie Spira offers some relationship advice, saying she has never seen an argument via text have a happy ending. "When the anger brews and escalates, usually a long-winded text message won't resolve relationship conflicts," she says. "This reactionary behavior puts you in a digital war zone."
The four texts that can make your partner pull back without saying why:
1. 'I'm sorry'
What's so wrong with apologizing over text? "When someone says ‘I’m sorry’ over a text message, the recipient isn’t really sure how sorry they are," Spira says.
"It can be taken as a way to end the uncomfortable text exchange, but how sincere is the apology? You really aren’t sure, and they aren't as valued as an in-person or on-the-phone apology, where it can be a two-way dialog."
2. 'We need to talk'
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Ughhh. Your stomach drops, right? Your partner's automatic response is going to be dread. Spira says you might even find that your significant other conveniently "disappears" for a few days, if only to avoid this conversation.
Why start a conversation with this one-line bomb? It will guarantee only a negative response.
Most relationship experts agree that texting is best for logistical, positive, or quick check-in communication. Serious conflict resolution is far more effective and satisfying face-to-face.
3. Overusing emojis in place of almost any words
While it's difficult to interpret the tone of voice and overall inflection of what someone's words mean in a text message, and it really doesn't help that you can't see each other's facial expressions, emojis and emoticons aren't a replacement for them.
They can help temper the tone of a text, but they can't mimic your unique smile, which may brighten up your partner's bad day, and they aren't the same thing as a passive-aggressive "fine" after one of you asks how the other's day was, signaling a real discussion needs to take place.
Some studies show that people who overuse emojis are perceived as less mature and are taken less seriously. This perception can undermine a partner's sense of respect or safety within the relationship.
4. Using texting for long conversations
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Not only will you probably get sore thumbs, but long conversations are really best left for face-to-face interactions where you can hear each other's voices, pick up on nuances in tone and facial expressions, and convey emotion more easily and organically, including using body language to communicate more effectively with each other.
Texting can feel like an interrogation instead of a natural conversation, and the inability to convey tone and body language can make a partner misinterpret intentions. A 2017 analysis explained that the loss of intimacy can also promote feelings of isolation and reduce relationship satisfaction.
Alexandra Churchill is a digital editor who currently works for Martha Stewart Living. Her work has been featured on numerous sites, including The Huffington Post, Her Campus, USA TODAY College, and Northshore and Ocean Home magazines.
