3 Phrases Only The Most Genuine People Use To Say 'I'm Sorry'
A great apology goes a long way.
Vadim Paripa | Unsplash Have you done something to hurt your partner? Intentionally or unintentionally. Either way, is he hurt? Do you want to say "I’m sorry" and save your relationship? Have you been trying to apologize, to make him see things from your perspective, and to get him to understand your intentions — all to no avail?
Hope is not lost. There are 3 genuine ways to learn how to apologize that will help you save your relationship. Before we begin, you must understand what you have to apologize for.
Here are three phrases only the most genuine people use to say 'I'm sorry':
1. 'I am sorry that I hurt you'
This is the perfect first line of any apology. You are acknowledging that you have caused someone pain. They know that you know that you hurt them, and by stating it clearly, you can, and will, immediately deflate your loved one’s anger.
The most important part of this sentence is that it ends after the "you" and it doesn’t continue with a "but". An explanation of why you were late and why you aren’t at fault will completely invalidate the first part of the sentence. Completely.
Again, what you are apologizing for is hurting someone. How you did so is irrelevant in this first part of the apology. So accept it and apologize for the hurt you have caused.
A sincere apology validates the offended person's feelings and acknowledges the impact of the actions on their emotions and well-being. An article by Michigan State University explained that this validation is crucial for the individual to feel understood, heard, and respected, and fosters a sense of validation that can help them move towards healing.
2. 'How can I prevent this from happening again?'
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This is very important because it allows the person you hurt to take some ownership of how to prevent it from happening again.
In the case of my client, after he calmed down when he realized that she knew how much he had hurt her, he thought about what could be done differently in the future to prevent her from causing him pain.
He suggested that next time she knew she was going to be late, she should call him so that he could change their reservations. He would also know that she knew she was late and that she was sensitive to the situation.
Armed with this knowledge, my client's partner had the tools she needed to stop herself from hurting him in the future when she was going to be late. It was up to her know when to use those tools and to do so.
3. 'What can I do to make it up to you?'
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This one is fun. Make amends. So my client’s partner had acknowledged that she had hurt him and did not try to justify her behavior. Now, she wanted to know what she could do to make it up to him.
Once again, my client, the hurt party, was in a position of control. Not a dominating sort of control, but in control of how the outcome of the situation could play out. By being in this kind of control, my client was allowed to express what he needed to move past this hurt.
His partner didn’t have to guess, which is good because people don't always guess well. My client suggested that he go out for a quick beer with his friends and that they all get together in the morning for breakfast. He just wanted some time with his friends but he also wanted them to meet her. This plan satisfied both of those needs. And he was happy.
This approach demonstrates a willingness to take responsibility and actively repair the harm caused, which are key components of a sincere apology and can lead to greater forgiveness and relationship repair. Research also found that it can help avoid situations where an apology is accepted too quickly, before the injured party has had a chance to fully process their emotions and the impact of the transgression.
Do you see now how the three ways to say ‘I’m sorry’ will save your relationship? How does recognizing that you have hurt someone and making amends is the key to making it happen?
Again, the key to the perfect apology is recognizing that you are apologizing for the hurt that you caused and not the behavior that caused it. You hurt someone, and that is what you need to apologize for, no matter how much you believe that it couldn’t have been avoided or that you weren’t at fault.
So go ahead. Apologize. Mean it. Move forward together in a meaningful way. It just might change your life. Try it. You will see.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
