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She's not sure how to respond.
By Megan Quinn — Written on May 23, 2023
After a woman was invited to a friend’s house for dinner, she was surprised by the request she received afterward. Now, she is asking others if her reaction to the unusual demand was appropriate, and most people agree with her.
Sharing her story to the U.K.-based parenting forum, Mumsnet, the woman revealed that she and her partner were invited to a dinner party at a friend’s house. “[We] took a bottle of good wine with us, we wouldn’t ever go empty-handed,” she wrote.
The woman’s friend asked her to send her money after she hosted her and a few other friends for dinner at her house.
The dinner went well and the meal was good, however, once the dinner was over and everyone had left, the woman received a message from her friend that she sent to all of her guests. “They sent us a message after asking for money for each person!” she claimed. The woman admits she thought this was “crazy.” “I would never ask anyone to pay for their food if I invited them over!” she argued.
Source: Mumsnet
The woman asked other Mumsnet users if she was being unreasonable for being annoyed with her friend. “We’ve already arranged to have them to our place in a few weeks' time and I’m not asking them for anything!” she added.
Most users sided with the woman and believed her reaction was valid. “You don’t invite people over and then charge them!” one user commented. “So rude! Who the hell invites friends over and then expects them to pay for their dinner? That's not normal, please don't give them a penny,” another user advised.
Others offered the woman advice on how she should respond to her friend and what she should do moving forward. “I would text back saying, ‘Ha ha very funny.’ Then if they come back I would point out it’s rude to charge people you invited for a meal, and after the fact as well so no chance to decline any invite,” one user shared.
“Pay them and then block them,” another user suggested. “Just message back and say the wine cost X amount so I will take that off and don’t bother coming to ours as you are not the type of people we wish to be friends with,” another user wrote.
As a general social norm, it is not customary to ask guests for money to pay for the meal when you invite them over for dinner. When you extend an invitation to someone for a meal, it is generally assumed that you, as the host, will be covering the cost of the food and providing hospitality. Guests typically appreciate the gesture and expect to enjoy the meal without any financial obligations.
If you are concerned about the cost of hosting a dinner, it's best to plan a meal that fits within your budget or discuss any potluck or cost-sharing arrangements with your guests in advance.
The woman did follow up with her original post and shared that she paid her friend for the dinner to avoid awkwardness.
“It was too awkward not too. I hate confrontation and I transferred the money over to keep the peace,” she wrote. “We have a lot of mutual friends so I didn’t want to cause any upset or weirdness.”
She revealed that the message her friend sent read along the lines of, “Thanks for coming last night, the steak and veggies came to £20 each.” She adds that the wine she brought over was a good-quality brand and not cheap. “I made a point to get it as I knew my friends liked wine from that region!” she wrote.
However, the woman did share that her friend and her husband are starting a business and have been struggling to get it to take off.
“I don’t know or wish to know the ins and outs of their financials but they seem to be reasonably ‘well off.’ Perhaps they are just feeling the pinch a little now and needed to ask for the cash back?” she admitted. “They’ve been lovely friends up until now, super easy. I’m annoyed but I’m also feeling like I don’t want to be too harsh.”
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.