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"I knew I hated her there and then."
By Annabelle Miller — Written on Aug 31, 2022
Though the relationship between a mother and her child is often expected to be one filled with unconditional and undying love, not all parents can relate.
A woman took to Reddit on the subreddit "r/TrueOffMyChest" to tell her story about raising her abuser's child and the complicated emotions she has about her daughter’s relationship with her father.
"r/TrueOffMyChest" is a Reddit forum for users to post their personal stories and receive support and advice from strangers.
The woman writes that she married an abusive man when she was very young and, throughout their 18 years of marriage, had three children together.
Now, her daughter’s decision to have a relationship with her abusive ex-husband is pushing her away.
The woman explains that she endured years of trauma that her sons remember but her daughter does not.
“He held me prisoner in my own home and abused me on a daily basis,” she writes.
One day, the woman's abuser just up and left to be with another woman.
“It was the first time in 15 years that I saw the outside of my home.”
The mother tried her best to shield the daughter so while she knew her father had been violent, she never knew the extent.
20 years after the husband left the woman, he contacted them.
He said was terminally ill and wanted to see his children before dying.
“My sons refused but my daughter went to see him. Her brothers were very distraught by it but I told them to let her be.”
He died six months later so, now that the woman's daughter is pregnant, she has decided to name the baby after her father.
“I fainted at the thought. I couldn’t believe her. I begged her not to do it but she just said that she was sorry but she didn’t have the same horrible picture of him that we had,” the distraught mother writes.
The daughter then went on to accuse her mother of lying about the abuse she had endured from her husband over the years. The woman assumed her dying ex-husband plagued the daughter's mind with lies.
“I didn’t know what to do and my sons said they didn’t want anything to do with her anymore but before that, without my knowledge, my sons met with her and her husband.”
The two sons told their pregnant sister about the abuse they witnessed.
The daughter's reply to the stories of abuse and imprisonment was to say that she didn’t care because that was not her experience with him.
“The last time I saw her, when I tried to talk to her one last time, I was scared. I saw him looking back at me through her eyes and I was that 18-year-old prisoner. I knew I hated her there and then.”
The daughter gave birth to her son and has tried to reach out to her mother.
“She texted me a picture of her and her son. I deleted it before even seeing it. She has called and texted multiple times.”
The daughter says that her mother turned her brothers against her as they would not speak to their sister either.
The woman says she did “no such thing of course” but the situation is the reason they do not speak to her anymore.
“Why don’t I feel more guilt or horror that I hate my own child?” she asks.
At the end of her post, the woman states that she “never thought it’s possible (to hate her child) and I’ve not admitted it to anyone because I’m disgusted with myself.”
Many Reddit users have commented on their support for the woman in this situation and encouraged her to get the help she needs.
One user states “Damn. I actually don’t blame you. I mean I don’t have any children so I don’t know how a mother should and shouldn’t feel but I understand you. Have you talked to a therapist about this?”
Another user commented “You shouldn’t feel guilty. As much as I am against parental abuse I am also against abuse on parents by their children.”
Annabelle Miller is a writer for YourTango based in Connecticut. She covers news, celebrity gossip, and pop culture topics.