Photo: tinycat39/TikTok
Hair stylists have seen it all, but this one felt like she saw a bit too much.
By John Sundholm — Written on Feb 27, 2023
Ask any hair stylist and they'll tell you they've seen and heard it all.
They're often part of some of their client's biggest, best, and worst life moments — from proms and weddings to those impromptu decisions to get bangs or a dye job after a terrible breakup.
But a Minneapolis hairdresser was left totally unnerved by a recent request she received from a prospective client's husband.
It left her issuing a sobering warning about signs of abuse.
A man asked a hair stylist on TikTok to cut off all his wife's hair without her consent.
The hairdresser, named Mary and known as @tinycat39 on TikTok, says she doesn't post very often to the app.
But the interaction she had, which she called "the most bananas phone call I have ever taken," was so unsettling she felt it was "post-worthy."
The man told her he wanted to bring his wife in for a haircut because "I really want my wife to have short hair."
"She won't have short hair," she says the man told her, "she wears her hair long, but I really want her to have short hair."
He then began to question her about how she felt about drastically cutting a woman's hair.
"Tell me something," he said to her, "is it not the most fun thing in the world to cut someone's hair all off?"
Mary told him, "It can be fun, when you're part of a transformation that someone is seeking."
The man then complained that he takes his wife to hairdressers all the time, but she "always comes out with just a trim."
He went on to say that her hair is well below her shoulders, but "I really want her to have short hair and she won't do it."
The man then asked the hair stylist to meet with his wife, 'gain her trust' and then cut her hair off 'in one fluid motion.'
Mary says she was "so shook" by the man's bizarre request that she betray his wife, that she had to take a moment to compose herself.
"I have been a hair cutter for almost 25 years," she pointedly told the man, "and what I know for sure is if the person in the chair isn't 100% consenting to the service, nobody is going to have fun. Nobody."
Mary then offered the man and his wife a free consultation so that she could hear what his wife would like done to her hair, but the man emphatically declined.
"Wow," Mary mused, "could you have pushed a bigger shopping cart of red flags through the door?"
The hairdresser went on to say that this is not the first time she has had 'disgusting spouses' make bizarre and demeaning requests for their wives' hair.
"He had no way of knowing that he had absolutely the wrong person on the phone for this level of Boomer-flavored misogyny," Mary told her followers.
"I wish I didn't have a whole bunch of similar stories," she went on to say.
She revealed that she has frequently witnessed husbands and partners trying to "make their significant other feel horrible just for wanting to be safe in their bodies."
In a caption, she addressed the man who called her directly, writing, "I have zero doubts that YOU are the reason as to why she keeps her hair long and feels comforted by it. She’s probably hiding from you under there."
The hairdresser heard from other hair stylists who heard from the man too, leading her to wonder if it is part of a humiliation fetish.
Mary says hairstylists "from all over the Twin Cities" reached out to her about having gotten similar requests from a man to non-consensually cut off his wife's hair.
She also showed her TikTok video to her boss, who nodded knowingly and told her he had also dealt with the man at a hair salon he used to own.
She wonders if the guy has "some sort of kink."
"I'm all for you indulging your fetish as long as you're not hurting yourself or anybody else," she said. "But non-consensual hair-cutting? No. That's not it."
TikTok commenters were deeply disturbed by Mary's story and thanked her for calling attention to it.
"Omg this is so demented!" one alarmed user commented, while another wrote that she was "speechless," adding, "literally wow."
Others worried for the woman's safety and wondered if a non-consensual manipulation like this might meet the definition of assault.
But one commenter was particularly moved by Mary's story — because they've been through it themself.
"My ex did this to me," they wrote, "my ex was successful."
When Mary expressed her sorrow for what the commenter had been put through, they thanked her for doing the right thing.
"I am grateful you stood up for her," the TikToker wrote. "I hope she sees through his charm soon. It’s a journey coming out of it."
If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional, physical, verbal abuse or domestic violence, you’re not alone and there are resources to get help.
For more information, resources, legal advice, or to get help by phone, chat or text, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or if you’re unable to speak safely, text START to 88788.
If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual assault, including at the hands of a spouse, intimate or domestic partner, contact the Rape And Incest National Network's [RAINN] confidential hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or via their online chat system.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.