Daycare Tells Mom To Be 'Less Affectionate' At Home Since Her Baby 'Screams To Be Held' All Day

A mother took to Reddit seeking advice after she was told by daycare workers to withhold affection from her son.

By Megan Quinn — Written on Mar 25, 2023

Photo: Варвара Курочкина / Pexels & Tamara Velazquez / Canva

A mother was left conflicted after employees at her son’s daycare made a request that she change her parenting methods at home to make the transition to daycare easier.

Now, she is questioning if they are right and if she should change the routine she has at home to benefit her child.

Daycare workers told the mom to be ‘less affectionate’ at home because her baby ‘screams to be held’ all day.

Snaring her story to Reddit's r/NewParents subreddit, the mother admitted that she was “sad” about the request from the daycare. After dropping off her five-month-old son one morning, she was informed by a worker that the baby “screams to be held” all day, making it difficult for the employees to tend to other responsibilities. She admitted that she does in fact, hold her son a lot when he’s at home.

“I understand they can’t physically give him the same attention he gets at home, but with him being our first child we do hold him a lot,” she wrote. “But he’s a baby! Aren’t we as parents supposed to hold them and love them??”

The woman questioned if the daycare’s request was reasonable and if her son should start getting used to being put down for extended periods of time. She argued that while her son is used to being held, he still has “independent time” on his play mat at home. She reports that this is the first time she has heard that he has been having issues at the daycare.

“They send me photos of him happily doing tummy time and sitting in his swing smiling,” she wrote.

Holding your baby for long periods of time is beneficial to their development.

According to child psychologists, affection offers a sense of security for your child, especially as they are adjusting to their new environment. Cuddling and affection allows your baby to develop a secure attachment to their parents. This bond transforms into significant qualities later in life, including self-confidence, expression of empathy, social relationships, and the ability to cope with stress.

Holding infants also has physical health benefits, including improving muscle tone and circulation, strengthening the digestive system, and improving immunity.

The mother is conflicted about whether or not she should enroll her baby in a different daycare center, since his current one is ideal despite their recent request.

“I really don’t want to have to pull him and put him somewhere new but I will if I don’t feel like he’s getting the care he needs,” she shared. “It’s also a seven-minute walk from my work and knowing he’s nearby has been huge for my adjustment back from maternity leave.”

The woman sought the opinion of other Redditors regarding the situation, as she and her husband are struggling to withhold affection from their baby. “The daycare is framing it as what’s ‘best for him’ but I just don’t see how that’s the case,” she wrote. “I definitely don’t want him to scream all day either.”

Redditors slammed the daycare’s request and encouraged the mother to find a new one for her child.

“Your daycare just sounds lazy and underprepared for babies. Babies are supposed to be held. They cry when they aren't. That's just how it works,” one user commented. “To ask you to stop being affectionate at home is ridiculous and I would look into changing daycares.”

“This is a sign of a bad daycare, with teachers who don’t have a great understanding of infant development, unfortunately. You’re not doing anything wrong, please don’t listen to them,” another user wrote.