7 Zero-Cost Lifestyle Choices That Make Life After Divorce So Much Easier
Truecreatives | Canva Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful events you can experience in life. Even if you have come to the decision together, it's still hard. It's hard because there is grief, and you probably feel like you'll have to make costly lifestyle changes.
Inner peace feels like a far-off dream, and you're not sure how to move on. Your dream of a lifelong relationship together has ended. Your expectation that your partner would be there for you for the rest of your life has come to an end. But there's good news: You can make low-cost choices that will make your life after divorce so much smoother and simpler.
Here are 7 zero-cost lifestyle choices that make life after divorce so much easier:
1. Learn acceptance
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The first step is to accept that your relationship has ended. Finding the courage to accept reality takes time because our psyche is not ready to receive this devastating news. At first, you may not want to admit to your friends and family that your marriage has ended. Your friends and family will start to notice that something is wrong. Eventually, you are going to have to tell them the truth.
Being honest with yourself, friends, and family is painful, but it can be so liberating, helping you to accept that you are beginning a new time in your life. When you can accept what has just happened, you can begin the long journey towards healing and new life. "A spouse often serves as a key source of emotional and social support," explained life coach Mitzi Bockmann. "The end of the marriage means losing this central figure, which can lead to significant loneliness and isolation. See this as an opportunity for self-discovery."
2. Reach out for help
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Life after a divorce can feel lonely, even when you were escaping from physical or emotional abuse. After your ex has left, it is time to reach out for help and support — the people you reach out to could be family members, friends, or professionals.
Immediately after your divorce is not the time to rebound into a new relationship; you will not have had enough time to heal. You are likely to go back into a relationship with the same issues that ended the marriage you just left. You might need a team of people to walk with you through this time of chaos. There is no shame in asking for help. It is a sign of courage and strength when you can ask for support and encouragement.
3. Practice self-care
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Caring for yourself is crucial to your healing. Research suggested you may catch yourself being hard on yourself, blaming yourself for ruining your marriage, or you may entirely blame your partner. Blaming is of no use.
It is time to love yourself. It's time to accept yourself with all your hang-ups and peculiarities that make you the amazing person you are. Loving yourself is taking the time to heal. It includes:
- Getting enough sleep
- Eating healthy food
- Hanging out with friends
- Being kind to yourself every day
- Reading an enjoyable book
- Watching your favorite movie
- Listening to your favorite music
- Getting proper exercise
- Take a holiday
- Take one hundred percent responsibility for yourself
Self-care calls upon you to learn from the relationship that just ended. It is time to acknowledge what worked and did not work in your relationship. You can care for yourself by naming the areas of your life that need to be healthier. Then figure out what you need in your life to be your best self.
4. Do your grief work
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At the end of your relationship, you grieve for what might have been. You might be grieving for:
- The loss of your dream of a happy marriage
- The loss of your partner, whom you thought would be with you until death
- The vision of a happy, loving family that never was
- The loss of friends and family, you knew through your spouse
- The loss of financial security, which came from two full incomes
A study of grief and growth indicated that the only way to deal with grief is to face the pain and sadness. There is no easy way around the discomfort. Find friends, family, and professionals to provide you with a safe space to get in touch with your sadness, anger, disappointments, and self-doubt. You need to be able to experience the sensations in your body, the emotions in your heart, and the thoughts in your head to get beyond the pain.
After intentional work, the memories that used to trigger you will no longer affect your daily life. If, after some months of grieving, you do not feel like you are making any headway, this is probably a sign you need professional help.
5. Live by your core values
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Right after your divorce, your emotions will feel raw. You may feel a lot of anger towards your ex and yourself. You may still be in shock and can’t feel anything. Especially during this rough time, it is essential to stick with your core values. Following your core values will help you to stay emotionally healthy and not say or do things you will regret.
You might have core values like these:
- I will honor my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs
- I will love my neighbor as myself
- I will treat myself and others with kindness
- I will practice radical gratitude every day
6. Forgive
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Forgiveness is a lifelong process. There are times to forgive ourselves, family, friends, colleagues, and strangers. Forgiveness takes time. It does not necessarily mean you are going to be great friends with the person who has offended you. It does mean you will eventually get to the point where the destructive behavior of the person who hurt you will no longer trigger you.
Abuse by a parent, family member, friend, or colleague may require a lifelong process toward forgiveness. Hopefully, with time, the injury will no longer impact your ability to have loving, mutual, and just relationships with others. Life coach Ed Latimore reminded us, "Forgiveness isn’t a replacement for justice. The perpetrator still must answer for their crimes, but you need a way to cope with the emotional damage you suffered from their actions. No amount of justice or revenge will undo the trauma their actions caused."
7. Find your passion
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With dedication, time, and self-love, you will eventually move through the pain created by the ending of your relationship and the problems that caused the demise of the marriage in the first place. You will get to the point when you are ready to live again fully. Now it is time to renew your passions in life. It may be something that brought you joy and meaning before or could be something new.
If you do not know what your passions are, try different things available to you in your community. In the beginning, finding areas of interest you can share with others in person can help you to find hope in life. It is through your new or renewed interests that you will find people of like mind who can become your new friends.
Research helped explain how going through a divorce may be one of the toughest times in your life. But do not despair; there is light at the end of the tunnel. But the only way through the divorce is to move through it. Feel your pain, sadness, and anger in your body. Notice the conversations that are going on in your head. Get in touch with your heart. Don’t be afraid to feel the pain.
The good news is that you do not have to do this alone. You have family, friends, colleagues, and professionals to support you on your journey. Moving through this process of healing and renewal provides opportunities for restoration and healing. You have the opportunity to start a new chapter in your life with increased self-awareness, increased inner wisdom, insights from previous relationships, and the courage to move ahead in life.
Roland Legge is an author, certified spiritual life coach, and teacher of the Enneagram. He helps people connect to their inner selves and find alignment with their highest purpose and values.
