Photo: Unsplash via Justin Chen
The right compliments will get you anywhere ... pretty much.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Last updated on Dec 10, 2022
When you know which one of the five love languages you speak, it changes everything in your relationships. Period.
If you aren't yet familiar with this concept of love languages in general, here's some background for you.
In 1995, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote "The 5 Languages of Love: How To Express Your Commitment To Your Mate."
In his iconic book, he uses these terms to designate the five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, and acts of service. He then goes into detail about how these languages are the variety of ways we are each primarily inclined to give and receive expressions of love.
I'm not a huge fan of self-help books in general — and by not a huge fan, I mean, I think those things are the worst — but this one is different. It's more like a translation app that helps people better understand and communicate with the people who matter to us most.
Communication skills you never realized could matter so much to someone suddenly become central to your dialogue with each other, and you begin understanding where breakdowns in communication and resulting issues have been coming from all along.
Guys on Reddit's Ask Men forum have discussed their different love languages, and recently one gentleman asked his fellow redditors, "What's the best compliment you've ever received from the opposite sex?" and we did all the hard work for you to find out the best answers.
So, if your partner's primary love language is "words of affirmation," here's how to speak it and make him feel loved and understood.
18 Ways how to speak the love language of "words of affirmation"
1. Let him know he's always on your mind.
"Recently met a former girlfriend from a long time ago. We had a great love story for a few years but it did not work out at the end. We split and have not seen each other since. I mean, like, for 24 years. Now she is married, professional, still beautiful, and she tells me I have been thinking of you all my life."
2. Keep it short and sweet.
"Had a random girl shout, 'You're so hot' as she drove by. Felt good."
3. Get specific.
"In college a girl said I had the best calves on campus."
4. Pump him up.
"An attractive female friend told me to stop worrying about my looks because I'm hot. As someone who's gone from being really chubby to being built I occasionally still feel like my former self, which can make me hesitant at times, I'm probably my harshest critic as I still have pervasive thoughts like, yeah what I have is nice, but I still don't have a six pack so I feel fat."
5. Make him blush.
"A girl complemented me on my behind one time. I'll admit I blushed a little at that."
6. Let him know how he makes you feel.
"The best compliment I ever received couldn't have been sweeter — 'You make me feel safe.'"
7. Be spontaneously sweet.
"We were at a concert, she was sitting in my lap, head on my chest, and she said she felt safe with me. Like she didn't have to worry about anything, it would all be okay as long as she was in my arms. That was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to me."
8. Share your dreams for the future.
"'I wish I could get pregnant by you because you'd be a great father." My girlfriend said this. We're both in our fifties. I told her we could keep trying, that miracles can happen."
9. Tell him how he's different from the rest.
"Whenever a woman comes to me about her traumatic past with men and says something like, 'I trust you.' Always makes me feel like I'm on top of the world."
10. Make him feel proud and special.
"'You're the most interesting person I've met' and 'You're my hero' and 'You're a good man.' The latter hits me the hardest emotionally. It came when I was something of a shy loner and was unexpected."
11. Let him know how he fills your senses.
"When she says, 'You always smell good.'"
12. Notice the things he does well.
"Wife once told me I was the best driver she knew. That really made me feel good."
13. Be original.
"One of my older cousins and her parents had come to visit us when I was a kid. At the end of the visit, she gave me a hug and said that she will miss my 'cherry smile.' I have been complimented for my smile a lot, but that was probably the most creative description for it that I've heard."
14. Tell him nothing's changed.
"My preschool and kindergarten 'girlfriend' and her parents became family friends with us, as our moms met at some community events. Me and her used to be inseparable when our families had get togethers, but a couple of years later they moved about halfway across the U.S. We kept in contact, and late last year, they visited our area, so we had a reunion of sorts. The girl was still very pretty and had the same bubbly smile, but was, of course, now grown up. She told me it was 'So nice to hear your voice again.' While we never dated, and both had SOs of our own by then, this was still a lovely compliment by the first girl in my life I had feelings for."
15. Let him know you feel the same things he feels.
"My current girlfriend also frequently says that I am the 'sweetest and most beautiful guy' she has been with. While this is an awesome compliment to get from your SO, it feels even more nice coming from a girl who is so incredibly beautiful and sweet herself."
16. Flattery will get you everywhere.
"'You have the most gorgeous hair I've ever seen. It's so curly and full!' From a bank teller after I had worked 12 hours and been repairing my car that evening. I was flattered."
17. Show him that he sets the standard.
"'I didn't date anybody for three years because you treated me so well.' It meant the world to me that as her first boyfriend I set a high bar when it came to how she should expect to be treated by other men."
18. Being weird can work.
"I've been told I'm pretty in a manly way more times than I can remember. It's odd but feels pretty good."
10 Examples of words of affirmation for men
1. "I really appreciate that I know you always have my back."
2. "Thank you so much for your help, it means so much to me that you're there for me!"
3. "I'm so lucky to have the hottest guy there is."
4. "I'm so grateful for every single thing you do for me. Thank you!"
5. "How did I get to be with such a hard-working, generous man?!"
6. "No one could ever measure up to you, honey — you are the best!"
7. "You take care of me better than anyone else ever could!"
8. "Being in your arms makes me feel safer than anywhere else in the world."
9. "Thank you for being so supportive — you're always my rock."
10. "I love how you always know exactly what to do — thank you for you."
Remember, even though you're laying it on thick, you don't want to be disingenuous. Mean what you say, and say it with the best of intentions — out of love.
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer and editor living in Brooklyn, New York. She writes about psychology, relationships, pop-culture and news.