Women Who Avoid Conflict At All Costs Usually Have These 11 Frustrating Habits
ViChizh / Shutterstock It’s not easy to handle conflict. It takes a lot of work to build the best problem-solving skills we can. Sometimes, it seems easier to avoid a difficult conversation than to tackle it head-on.
It’s not unusual for women to hide their true feelings to avoid conflict. Many women were taught at a young age to go along with the crowd. Conflict wasn’t a good look, we were told. When growing up with this mindset, it can be hard to change it even as we get older. Instead of fighting back when something makes us unhappy, we may just go along with it to keep arguments from forming. While we may think this is beneficial for relationships, it often causes more harm than good. Someone who refuses to handle conflict usually has frustrating habits that enable this behavior.
Women who avoid conflict at all costs usually have these 11 frustrating habits
1. They over-commit themselves
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Instead of saying no when they do not want to do something, women who seek to avoid conflict at all costs may over-commit themselves. This can lead them to accept plans they have no interest in attending. Sometimes, it can cause cancellations, which may lead to conflicts they originally tried to avoid. If they keep all of their plans to please others, they may become burnt out. It could sacrifice their mental health to stay on the good side of everyone else.
Overbooking ourselves can lead to regret. Over-committing herself to save face can cause resentment, which may lead to conflict.
2. They suppress their true feelings
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I’ve been guilty of this. Sometimes, I’d rather hold my tongue than start an argument. By suppressing my true feelings, I think it’ll save me from an argument. However, doing so can lead to problems down the line. From resentment to regret, suppressed feelings may eventually lead to conflict.
Suppressing emotions can be harmful. While a woman may think she is saving herself from having a difficult conversation, she will find herself feeling more upset over time. Avoiding conflict may work in the moment, but being honest will always be the less frustrating habit.
3. They make passive-aggressive remarks
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When a woman doesn’t want to start a conflict, she may make passive-aggressive remarks. She might be able to play it off as if she didn’t mean it rudely. Women have been socialized to keep things civil. Instead of sharing their true feelings, women may make backhanded comments that leave people wondering about their true intentions. It’s a way to pack a punch without actually starting an argument.
Most people can recognize passive-aggressive behavior. However, women may still resort to using it to prevent conflict. While it doesn’t always work out for them, it may be a coping mechanism to avoid an argument in the moment.
4. They shut down when arguments start
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Conflict usually unfolds in conversation. When things get tense between two people, a woman who shuts down emotionally when an argument starts may make things worse. It’s their way of avoiding conflict. They may think that refusing to interact is better than sharing their true emotions. Going quiet and giving the silent treatment can be frustrating when you are on the receiving end.
Refusing to engage in an argument is known as stonewalling. Someone who is stonewalled while trying to deal with a conflict can become frustrated, further harming the situation. If a woman does this, it may be their poor attempt at avoiding conflict entirely.
5. They say ‘fine’ even when they don’t mean it
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It can be easier to say things are okay when they actually are not. If someone isn’t interested in conflict, they may say ‘It’s fine’ without conviction. For them, brushing things under the rug feels like a solution. However, this can lead to further problems. Resentment can build up when people are constantly hiding their true feelings. It’s frustrating to be on the other end of this conversation. It can harm the entire relationship.
By saying, ‘It’s fine,’ when they don’t mean it, they are hiding their true feelings. Instead of tackling the problem head-on, they decide to play it off as if they are happy. This is a frustrating habit.
6. They deflect during stressful conversations
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Deflection is often used as a defense mechanism. This can be a way for someone who wants to avoid conflict to take the attention away from themselves. They likely want to avoid experiencing uncomfortable emotions. By shifting the blame, they believe they’ll convince the other person that they are wrong. Maybe this will get them an apology and forget the original conflict.
By deflecting, they are protecting themselves. If their motivation to stay out of an argument is to keep their ego intact, it’s not surprising that they may point the finger at someone.
7. They do not set boundaries
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Setting boundaries is important. It keeps us from giving too much of ourselves to others. Sometimes, a woman may choose not to set boundaries because saying ‘no’ to someone is more difficult than adding more to their plate. Setting boundaries can prevent burnout. However, someone who allows others to take advantage of them may get burned out. They could believe that it’s a good way to avoid conflict, but it’s not as effective as they may feel it is.
It’s not always easy to set boundaries. When avoiding conflict is their goal, a woman like this may continue to drain herself for others. While she’s doing everything for someone who doesn’t seem to have the same mindset towards her, she’s avoiding arguments but likely pushing herself to the brink.
8. They’d rather have peace than honesty
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Being honest with someone else is scary. We never know how they will react to our feelings. Sometimes, our true feelings towards them can be a lot. Instead of facing the hard truths, a woman like this may choose to keep the peace rather than speak her mind. She thinks she’ll keep the other person happy by not sharing their true feelings.
When a person doesn’t express their true emotions, they are not keeping the peace in the long run. Between the resentment that may grow and the dishonesty that can change the dynamic of a relationship, they can be hurting their friendships.
9. They take on the role of fixer
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If a woman is looking to avoid conflict, they may take on the role of fixer. This is when they shoulder the weight of issues to keep the peace. They may try to carry others' emotional baggage to prevent arguments from forming. It’s not easy to do this, and it often causes more issues than expected. Arguments can still occur when someone takes on the role of fixer.
"Serial fixing (like most things) comes in different forms, but ultimately it leads to false ownership and imbalanced relationships. Giving and being available, yet also feeling lonely. Often, the need to feel needed becomes a stand-in for self-worth," says Leah Marone, LCSW. "When we lack internal validation and connection to ourselves, we outsource our value. Helping becomes the fastest route to feeling useful, purposeful, even loved."
10. They blame themselves for everything
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Instead of sharing how they actually feel, it may be easier for them to blame themselves for everything. Holding someone else accountable can feel like conflict. They do not want to push buttons. Instead, they’ll accept the blame even when they have no role in it. Sometimes, this can lead to further issues.
Conflict isn’t always easy, but it is necessary. By shouldering the blame, it’s not a sure-fire way to avoid arguments down the line.
11. They over-apologize
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Saying sorry even when they do not need to can be a way someone may avoid conflict. It’s not always easy for them to fight back when things go south. It’s easier to say sorry over and over again for this type of woman than it is to talk about their feelings. However, too many apologies can make them come off as insincere. It doesn’t always avoid the conflict the way they want it to.
"With people pleasing, over-apologizing is motivated by trying to manage the other person’s emotions and make them feel better. Even if you weren’t the one to cause harm because you’re uncomfortable when other people aren’t happy," says therapist Jocelyn Hamsher.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
