If A Woman In Your Life Does These 17 Things, She's Not Ready For A Healthy Relationship
Sarah Furlan | Shutterstock When it comes to relationships, it's easy to believe we're the innocent ones; that we don't contribute to the tension, the fights, or the emotional distance. Most people don't love admitting their flaws, especially to someone they care about. But self-awareness is a huge part of emotional maturity, and without it, it's nearly impossible to build a healthy relationship.
If a woman in your life does these things, she may not be ready for a healthy relationship ... at least not yet. These behaviors often look justified in the moment, but they can point to deeper issues with jealousy, entitlement, control, and trust. Left unchecked, they can ruin something that could've been solid.
If any woman in your life does these 17 things, she's not ready for a healthy relationship:
1. She never offers to pay for a date
It’s not the responsibility of solely one person to finance an entire relationship. Take some ownership and pay every once in a while, or split it. One study indicated "traditional gender norms in dating continue to be popular in the new millennium because in actual practice, men almost always paid the whole bill of the first dates and paid more for subsequent dates, [and showed] that individuals subscribing to traditional gender inequality views tended to believe that men should pay more for dates."
2. She gets jealous when her partner is happy about something that doesn't involve her
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They’re allowed to have a good day at work or be happy for their friend. And you should also be happy for them. Relationship coach Mary Olver explained, "Extreme jealousy is one of the most destructive things in a relationship. While sometimes a sign of love, it is more consistently linked to negative relationships. Engaging in jealous behaviors and suspicions is not cute. It does not let your significant other know you care. And it definitely will not strengthen your relationship."
3. She starts fights just to create drama
Sometimes, you may feel bored in a relationship, so you purposely create drama and fights over pointless things just to make your relationship exciting. And then, you expect royal treatment after you make up. That’s childish.
4. She refuses to compromise and insists on choosing everything
They might suggest something, but you turn it down simply because it’s not what you want. Similarly, you rarely compromise. "Sometimes, you're too close to a relationship to recognize the signs that it's turned into something damaging," life coach Mitzi Bockmann suggested. "Your friends and family tell you it's controlling, but it’s hard to recognize because you're in it every day."
5. She gets jealous anytime another woman is around
Just because he has friends who are girls does not give you the right to dictate who they see, even if it doesn’t sit well with you. They chose to be with you, but you cannot change their other friendships.
6. She doesn't put thought into gifts or effort into showing appreciation
Not only do you not spend a lot of money on them, but you also buy poor gifts when you do. Moreover, your reasoning behind it is that you “don’t know what they’d like.” Clearly, you don’t listen when they talk, or you would know their interests.
Marriage educator Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., elaborated, "It's not that hard to show your partner regularly through small endearments that they matter to you and that you are grateful that they are in your life. Men, in particular, are more likely to show than to tell. That is, they gravitate more to actions than to words, and they also respond more to actions than to words. The key to showing gratitude to your partner is to see the world through their eyes. What do they need to feel appreciated?"
7. She openly talks about wanting to be with other people
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If being in a relationship doesn’t stop you from telling your friends how you wish you could bang the hot server, you’re really not ready for a healthy relationship. You also openly admit that you wish you had your freedom.
8. She mistreats her partner because she feels insecure
That’s no excuse to mistreat someone — ever. This could be a problem from low self-esteem, suggested leadership coach Lisa Lierberman-Wang, "If you have low self-esteem or an inferiority complex, you are prone to believe that you are unworthy of love. You may believe that no one with the qualities you desire in a mate would have an interest in you. You accept mediocrity, or possibly worse, out of resignation to your perceived undesirability."
9. She only complains about her partner and never says anything nice
It’s never anything positive. Just what you wish they did, or what they don’t do. Relationship therapist Todd Creager advised to "Practice focusing on why you liked your partner in the first place. Remember your initial attraction. Look for all the things your partner does to show love and effort when it comes to your marriage and family. You do not need to suppress your negative feelings and opinions; just focus more on the reasons you and others like your spouse."
10. She expects princess treatment but doesn't give it back
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You feel as if you deserve to be treated like a princess and have a problem when you’re not. Truth is, everyone should be treated with respect. But you shouldn’t demand to be treated like royalty when, in return, you treat them like a servant.
11. She refuses to spend time with her partner's family but expects the opposite
It’s a two-way street. This means you should both make an effort to see each other’s families as much as possible.
"Take time to meet and bond with the people your partner surrounds themselves with," advised cultural commentator Ossiana Tepfenhart. "Do they treat you well? Do you feel welcome and cared for when you’re with them? That’s a great sign. Marriage extends beyond the couple, encompassing the partner's family and friends, as they become integral to the new family unit. The dynamics within this extended network can either strengthen or weaken the marriage, so it's crucial to understand and navigate these relationships."
12. She constantly goes through her partner's phone
Whether he knows about it or it’s done in secrecy, violating his trust and property means you're not ready for a healthy relationship. Psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren explained that "invading another person’s private space without their permission, whether it’s snooping on their phone, reading their personal journal, or invading their physical space, is unethical. As humans, we all have the right to our own autonomy. We have the right to share or not share personal experiences and information with others. Violating their boundaries through snooping is very likely to cause conflict with your partner, no matter what you find."
13. She presents herself as single on social media
Is it in fear you’ll be unfollowed or stop people from sliding into your DMs? Either way, it’s wrong not include them in your posts sometimes.
"Some people like to share more than others," psychotherapist Lianne Avila pointed out. "This is a good time to have a conversation with your partner about social media. Your partner may not be as excited to share on Facebook as you. Or, only want certain things shared. It’s all right to have differences about sharing on Facebook. But try to come to a compromise on this. That way, no one gets their feelings hurt."
14. She expects her partner to handle all the housework
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Everything in a relationship should be equal, much like the workload. You should never expect them to put more work into it than you do in any aspect.
Marriage counselor Frances Patton suggested, "One reason that the labor division seldom feels fair is that the needs for connection and feeling loved go unmet. Even if the two of you have divided up the chores perfectly, you’re going to be unhappy if you need help, love, or support at the moment and your partner isn’t there. So, start by negotiating how you will divide the labor. Make it fair and do your share. But go the extra mile to take some of that burden off your partner."
15. She cheats or hides inappropriate behavior
It may not have been physical. It could be anything from flirty DMs, dancing with a guy at a bar to get free drinks, to other suspicious things done behind their back. Nevertheless, it’s never OK, and it definitely means you're not ready for a healthy relationship.
16. She gets angry when her partner spends time with friends
Even if they do it on a day you’re busy, being territorial is wrong. Everybody needs to have their own friends, and you need to accept that their life doesn’t revolve around you.
"Positive, supportive friendships predict our overall happiness better than pretty much anything else, giving us real tools to deal with depression, anxiety, and loneliness," life coach Lisa Petsinis commented. "The value is in how good those friendships actually are, and friendship quality turns out to be one of the biggest predictors of how well you'll do throughout your entire adult life."
17. She doesn't trust her partner
They might not have even given you a reason, but you always doubt their loyalty. If that’s the case, why date them?
If you’re guilty of at least 10 of these, you should consider changing your relationship or altering your behavior. Some of these are very problematic and mean you're not ready for a serious, mature, and long-term relationship.
Demanding special treatment does not mean you have standards — it means you’re entitled, selfish, and unrealistic. Unless you start working on these issues, you can bet you’ll have a hard time finding a serious relationship once this one ends.
Brittany Christopoulos is a writer who focuses on relationships, dating, and love.
