5 Ways To Flirt Like A Romantic Queen Of Ye Olden Times

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woman putting on earrings

In many respects, olden times were the worst.

They were great at flirting, but stuff like curing ear infections and letting women have jobs — not so much.

Am I saying I want to go back to a time where women wore pads of horsehair and slept sitting up to preserve their impressive hairdos? Or live in an age where recreation was found by watching a hoop roll down a dusty road?

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No. Because I am not insane.

That said, ye olden times were dope as hell if you were a romantic.

Today if you have a crush on someone, flirting is just going to the same bar as them and getting drunk enough to see if they will suck on your tongue. If they aren’t, you go on the internet and send winking emojis in the hopes of receiving a d*ck pic or an invitation to an awkward brunch.

That would never fly in olden times.

Even in the wild west, cowboys knew how to woo.

Just ask any prostitute and she would be sure to show you the wilting bouquet of daisies her beloved had procured for her.

Just because we don’t live in the olden days, that doesn’t mean we can’t flirt as we do. I’ve compiled a list of items that will help you flirt like an OG OG. It doesn’t get more OG than that.

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Here are 5 ways to flirt like a romantic queen of ye olden times:

1. Invest in a fan

Forget flipping your hair or making meaningful eye contact. Back in the day women knew the right way to flutter their hand fans to get a fellow’s attention. There was literally an entire language dedicated to learning how to say “Lol, bae u crazy” but with a fan.

This tip is great also if you are going through a change of life.

2. Write that girl a sonnet

Shakespeare knew what worked: Writing a sonnet! It doesn’t take a Master’s degree to rhyme.

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3. Duels, guys. Duels

There was once a time when if a dude was like “saw your girl displaying her ankles,” your husband would challenge him to a fight for your honor and one of them would die. Nowadays I consider myself lucky if the guy I’m with even blanches if a subway flasher jiggles his member in my direction.

The times, verily, are a-changing.

4. Bring a chaperone with you on your dates

If you are ready to head to the boneyard on a date with a fella, bring a chaperone with you. Do you have a stooped lady landlord who speaks only a little English and has partial hearing? She is an ideal candidate.

Nothing says “It’s on baby, but god I respect myself” like having an aged confused woman accompany you on said date.

There are so many other ways flirting was better back in the day. Arranged marriage? Syphilis? Mistresses accepted as common practice and dowries a total thing? HAWT HAWT HAWT.

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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a freelance writer and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek with a passion for lifestyle, geek news, and true crime.