If You Want To Fall In Love With Your Partner Again, Ask These 20 Questions

Do you know everything about your spouse?

20 Deep Questions For Couples Getty

By Nicole Merritt

Sometimes, when you are knee-deep in a relationship or a marriage, years in, you lose sight of one another. You lose sight of what originally drew you to your partner. You forget which of their qualities were once endearing to you. You fail to see past the flaws which have now become your pet peeves, and you stop looking at — and listening to — them as you once did.

To avoid this easy-to-fall-into trap so many long-term relationships succumb to, it's been intriguing, informative, and fun to ask my husband the same set of questions a few times every year.


I am an advocate for families improving internal communication through "periodic performance reviews."

Marriages need these same sorts of "wellness checks" on a regular basis in order to maintain emotional intimacy. Asking each other provides an opportunity for feedback and growth as a couple.

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Though the questions you ask each other should not always remain the same, it is vital to a relationship’s survival and success that couples ask and answers questions like these from time to time in order to ensure that both of you are aware of one another’s changing (or constant) perspectives on life and on your partnership.


Below you will find a list of the twenty questions that I asked my husband, and he gave me candid and honest answers, some of which made me laugh, some of which made me think, and some of which made me smile.

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If you want to fall in love in love with your partner again, ask these 20 questions:

1. What was the first thing you noticed about me?

2. What is the first thing you notice about me now when you see me in the morning?

3. What was your favorite thing about my appearance early in our relationship?

4. What is your favorite thing about my appearance now?

5. What impresses you about me?

6. What do you think my three main flaws are?

7. If you could change one thing about me, what would that be?

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8. What is something you would never change about me?

9. Have I surprised you in any way throughout our relationship?

10. What has been your favorite stage of our relationship up until now and why?

11. What stage has been the hardest?

12. If you could go anywhere with me on vacation, where would we go, what would we do and why?

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13. Do you think I have changed since we first met? If so, for better or worse, and in what ways?

14. Did you ever expect your life would turn out like this? If not, what did you expect?

15. If you weren’t my husband and the father to our three children, what would you like to be doing?

16. Do you feel that our marriage holds you back from anything?

17. Is marriage harder or easier than you thought? In what ways?

18. Is parenthood harder or easier than you thought?

19. Are you afraid of aging and how that will affect our relationship?

20 Is there anything I can do to make you feel more satisfied and happy with your life?

Take a few minutes, tonight or one day this week, to sit down with your partner, have some coffee or a drink, and ask them these 20 questions.

Don’t like my questions? Then come up with twenty of your own. The point is to ask questions and check in with your partner.

If you want to sustain your relationship or marriage and you want it to remain healthy, you have to care about it enough to take the time to check in with your partner.


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Nicole Merritt is a freelance writer and editor. She has been featured in Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, BLUNTmoms, Thought Catalog, Everyday Family, Elephant Journal, and more.